It’s David’s birthday today! And we’re celebrating by… living a normal Tuesday in our lives! I know, we’re wild. There may be a few fun treats in store for him at the end of the day (um, hello, homemade nachos SUPREME), but this birthday, being that it’s on a Tuesday and I’m pregnant and we’ve both been flat out exhausted come 9pm, is going to be more of a low key event this year.
So since I don’t have the suite at the Ritz booked for a wild night out in the city, I thought I could celebrate David a little bit on the blog today. Not because I’m a marriage expert (though my dad is!) or anything, but because my marriage is one decision in life I know I did right. It’s a pretty great one to get right, too.
We will have been married 5 years come May 2 (right around when baby girl is due to be here!). It’s not a lifetime (yet!), but being that we basically dated for the 5 years before we got married, I’ve spent a lot of time with David and have highlighted several factors that contribute to why I believe we are truly so happy together.
1. Find someone that complements you. No, I don’t mean someone that tells you you’re pretty, though that doesn’t hurt, I mean to find someone that balances you out. In our relationship, I’m the more emotional, eccentric and goofy one. I often call David my rock, because he is stable and confident. I loosen him up and he keeps me from going off the deep end. It’s a perfect pairing.
2. Find someone that shares your core values. As nice as it is to have some opposite character traits, it’s incredibly important to share the same outlook on life. David and I are so in sync with our values, it’s scary: work hard, be independent, don’t whine (however, feel free to WINE), laugh, do the right thing, family first above all, be adventurous, protect the realm (ok, I watched too much Game of Thrones last night, but we are are protective of our family unit). This not only helps in everyday life decisions (how much do we spend/save, where do we want to be in 5 years/10 years, what life goals are most important to us and our family) but it’s imperative when raising children.
3. Don’t keep score. First of all, we tell Hailey that sometimes life isn’t fair. How contradictory would it be if we expected life to be that way? Some days I do more, and some days he does. Most days we both work our tails off. If I ever find myself on a particularly tough day getting fired up about how he could never do what I do on a daily basis, I remind myself that I could never do what he does either. The secret to our happiness is both working hard using our strengths to reach our common life goals and helping each other pick up the slack on the days we need it. I used to giggle at the term teammate or life partner, but trust me, you want to end up marrying someone that will be those things.
4. Find someone you like doing nothing with… for days on end. Those early days of a relationship are so exciting- the dinners out, the trips, the nights on the town, the parties with friends… it’s easy to get caught up in the magic of it all (I mean, you’ve seen the Bachelor, right?). But life happens, babies come and you inevitably spend a lot of time at home. Now I love dinner and night out as much as the next person, but I’m also happy to be curled up on the couch next to David, talking about life and watching Hailey cook in her kitchen, coercing us to eat wooden fruit and drink imaginary tea. In fact, those nights are my favorite. Don’t find someone that you can simply watch TV with, find someone you can literally do nothing with and enjoy it.
5. Find someone that will put you first and vice versa. With my parents, I always knew that their marriage came first. It sounds like a harsh reality for a child, doesn’t it? Well, it wasn’t; in fact, it was incredibly comforting. Knowing my mom and dad were there for each other and on the same side no matter what made me feel more secure growing up. I know they loved the heck out of my brother and me, but knowing that felt that way about each other too showed me the kind of marriage that I knew I wanted to have. David works a crazy job with some crazy hours, but I never doubt that our marriage and family come first. I do my darndest to show him that I feel the same way. After all, kids will grow up and go off on their own (oh, gosh, that makes me want to cry) and when that happens I want to still be just in love with David then, not looking at him wondering, well now what?
Though I minored in psychology 😉 I know I’m no expert. This is just what has worked for us. To sum it all up musically, and to publically confess what a cheese ball I am, this song makes me cry every single time because it just captures it all so beautifully – be a best friend, tell the truth, overuse I love you. Go to work, do your best, don’t outsmart your common sense. Never let your praying knees get lazy, and love like crazy.
What is a characteristic you look for in a relationship?
What do you think the key to a happy marriage is?
Sherry says
Beautifully written! You do have your dad’s writing talent!
Karen says
You summed it up pretty well I would say. And that song says it all too.
We are older and have a grown son and recently many of our friends have had kids go off to college as ours did. We see the mom and dad(husband/wife) left at home wondering what exactly they should be doing with each other. It’s almost as if they don’t even remember why they got married in the first place.
Sad, very sad!
You can always tell the couples that have a happy marriage, they raise happy kids.
Wish David a Happy Birthday!
Brittany Dixon says
Karen, I love your comment, especially the point about happy couples raising happy kids. I never thought of it that way before, but it seems very fitting.
Verna says
My husband and I have been together for 10 years also so we’re pretty experienced too. 😉 I love #4! Finding someone you can just sit around with and do nothing and not drive each other crazy, makes for a happy marriage! Especially when you have kids! Ha! Happy Birthday to your husband!!
Brittany @ Delights and Delectables says
I love this!! I tell my husband that I picked him because he could deal with and love me in spite of my crazy. 😉 Having the same values and core beliefs is so important!
Happy Birthday to your husband!
John J. Stathas says
So well written! You summed up the “basics” it is so gratifying to see you so happy, and wise, and so in love with your special husband – David. Give him an extra hug for his birthday and for making our daughter so content,
christina says
aww i love this kind of post from you!! such great tips. i definitely keep all of these in mind in my dating life. love #4!
Elizabeth @ My Neon Running Shoes says
Happy Birthday David! I agree with you and am very happy you guys compliment each other so well 🙂
Jamie @ Dishing Out Health says
I love this! I couldn’t agree more with all of the points you made. Beautifully written. Happy Birthday to your hubby!
Ashlee@HisnHers says
Happy Birthday to your husband!
I agree with all of your points and would probably say the same if I actually sat down and thought about it. My husband and I have been dating for 11 years (since we were 16) and married for 1.5, and I can say that all of these things are very important!
Ali says
These are such good points! I love them. Keeping score is one of the best ones to remember I think especially with kids. It’s easy to think about all you do and the other person doesn’t as a mom, but that it unfair and only creates controversy. David and I have fair roles in our home and it’s constantly changing.
Kelli H (Made in Sonoma) says
I definitely agree with every key point you made. 🙂 Spot on! I think so many couples do get caught up in the beginning and think it’s always supposed to be like that. David and I have been together for 12 years this April and he’s my best friend in the whole world. Balance is definitely key. If I didn’t like doing nothing with him — oh wow — that would be a problem! haha. Anyway, Happy Birthday to your David!
Jen says
Aw, I love your list, and our first is due on your wedding anniversary (which also happens to be my husband’s parents’ wedding anniversary!) I have one comment to add, though, it’s actually “complement” with an “e” instead of an “i.” I don’t mean to be bitchy grammar girl, I just am familiar with that one, about which we all get confused!
Happy birthday to David!
Brittany says
Haha, no that’s not bitchy at all! I appreciate being called out (nicely ;)) because grammar is important to me too and I cringe when I rush through and make a mistake- thank you!!
Congrats on your pregnancy ! Hope you are feeling well 🙂
Ashley says
Number 4 is so important! I just read it out loud to my fiance because he is one of those people that constantly likes to be doing something.
Kathy says
Yes, very well written. I’ve been married 27 years and I agree with all points! He is my best friend–another important point. 🙂
Happy Birthday to your Prince!
Brittany Dixon says
Love hearing that you have a 27 year marriage- congrats! And yes, oh yes, David is definitely my best friend. It does make a world of difference, doesn’t it? Thanks for your comment!
Jenny says
It’s funny. I used to think I wanted someone exactly like me. What I’ve learned is that the differences between my hubby and I are what make it work. I often say we balance each other out 🙂
Laura @ Mommy Run Fast says
What a sweet post! I agree that having similar core values is huge- it makes such a difference in how you approach life, what you expect the family to look like, and where you see yourself going together. Happy birthday to him!
Maria says
Happy Birthday David! Enjoy those nachos! (That’s what I’d pick too).
I love this and agree 100%. I was a psych major in college and a counseling major in grad school, so I LOVE anything having to deal with how people tick. I love that my husband and I are on the same page about our values, money, and how we want to raise our kids…but our interests vary and that’s what keeps things fun (he teaches me how to use my camera, I teach him how to do downward dog). The power of laughter in a marriage is very important too. We have so many inside jokes and sometimes we can just look at each other in public, grinning, and knowing exactly what the other is thinking. Ahh, to have a best friend for life is kind of amazing 🙂
Brittany Dixon says
The unspoken conversations are the best aren’t they? Makes you feel like you are in each others’ minds.Pretty cool 🙂
Also, I love how you put it- same values, different interests. That’s exactly the kind of balance that works for us.
And one more thing, I didn’t know you focused on psych and counseling! Now when we meet we have another topic to cover! As if we would run out of things to chat about… 😉
Parita @ myinnershakti says
Happy happy birthday to David!
And I really couldn’t have said any of this better myself. You are so spot on with each of these. I love love!!
Ashley @ My Food N Fitness Diaries says
Love, love, love this! Happy Birthday to your hubby!
Kate @ Quarter Century Southern Living says
This is a great post! I completely agree with each of the factors you mentioned. One of my favorite things about my husband is that he supports me and encourages me. There are times that I probably would not have the courage that I need to try something new or to follow my dreams. I really appreciate that he serves as that inspiration to me.
Brittany Dixon says
Oh yes, yes, yes- wonderful point! Like your husband, David is so supportive of my endeavors, which really gives me an extra boost of confidence and determination. Like you said, it makes a big difference! Thanks for your comment 🙂
Julie says
love these tips! My husband and I have been married almost 4 months, and have been together over 6 years. One of my favorite parts of our relationship is your #4, as we’ve gotten older, we do less going out and more time at home. I love staying home more than going out, and some of my favorite moments together are just ordinary nights. The hardest one for me is the not keeping score. Something I’m working on and learning to be thankful because I’m sure it gets more difficult when the kids come along. Great post, Brittany, and I agree with your points! 🙂
Brittany Dixon says
Not keeping score is something I’ve worked on for a long time and honestly still struggle with some days. Similar to when I feel frustrated and overwhelmed, I force myself to think of all I’m grateful for, when I feel like I’m pulling so much more weight, I make myself mentally list all the things David does for our family each day that I may not take notice of.
He never looks for recognition or credit (where as I do!), so I have to remind myself that maybe all his hard work just isn’t as apparent. I’m a work in progress, but it certainly cools me down when I think of how hard he works an all he does.
Dawn @ OfficeGymRepeat says
Great tips, I couldn’t agree more. While I’m not married yet, my boyfriend and I have been together for a lonnnng time now and I agree that having matching core values is extremely important, it just makes every other aspect of the relationship much easier.
Marjorie says
Happy birthday David! Y’all seem like such a sweet couple. ❤️
In my opinion, the best trait to look for in a mate is selflessness. Like you said, life is not always fair. Being willing to do what is best for the family above your own agenda can be tough! But that us what it takes sometimes.
Dominique @ Eat, Pray, Lift says
This is beautiful! I’m not married yet, but those are all factors that I keep in mind as I get into a relationship. The most important thing for me is that he loves God more than he loves me, and he is able to be a leader for us. Some may think that’s old fashioned or backwards, but that’s just me. 🙂
Happy birthday, David! Hope yall enjoy your celebration!
Brittany Dixon says
Beautiful comment; thank you for sharing! And if you feel your thinking is old fashioned, you came to the right place. I’ve been told I’m old fashioned before, too. I don’t mind it. It works for us and I wouldn’t change a thing, so stick to what matters most to you! <3
Chantal says
Great advice! I believe my husband is my best friend!
Josephine says
Happy Birthday David! This was a beautiful post Brittany. I am celebrating 5 years married next month and twelve years dating before that (since we were 18). I totally agree with your points, when I began dating my husband I was very aware to find someone with the same core values and we established a friendship for six months before dating, so so know I have married my best friend as well. We definately complement each other in our differences, my husband is a perfectionist and I am close enough is good enough! We also make each other laugh and are happy doing nothing together.
I found your comment about your marriage coming first really interesting. Since having Arianna, now aged two, I have struggled to find time for our relationship without Arianna, mainly due I think to the fact we live overseas and have no support from family or friends. Arianna is very attached and I haven’t left her with babysitting or started nursery plus we didn’t do sleep training so she needs me to lie down with her to go to sleep and when she wakes in the night. I can see that these choices in my parenting have put my relationship with my child first and not my husband. Which interestingly, I recognise is what my Mum did and my parents are now divorced! I went over to your Dad’s blog and definately recognise myself in the article on men and women miss each other through life stages. I definately think I need to keep my New Years resolutions of;
1. putting Arianna in Nursery and
2. establishing a datenight and getting a babysitter so we have time to connect
I had finally decided after two years I had enough of putting my daughter to sleep and not having time with my husband in the evening but my husband dosen’t want to do sleep training as he worries it will affect how loving and affectionate she is towards us. Any advice? Did you sleep train Hailey? I don’t how we will be able to leave her with a babysitter for an evening unless we do it. ??? Such a long comment post but you got me thinking!
Brittany Dixon says
Hi Josephine! What a thoughtful comment; thank you for sharing. I can only share what has worked for us. I imagine it must be incredibly difficult without family or friends around to be a support network. Honestly, David and I don’t go out very often, but Hailey goes to bed at 7, which gives us 3 hours together in the evenings. We didn’t do any formal sleep training (besides trying to follow the eat, play, sleep routine), but we did let Hailey cry it out. It only took one time (I forget how old she was, but it was within her first year). She cried for 45 minutes. David made me go shower, do laundry, basically anything so I couldn’t hear her because it obviously tore at my heart. However, after that she had no trouble going to sleep on her own and it really made a big difference. I never noticed it making any difference in Hailey’s affection towards us. To me, it was important to develop reasonable boundaries from the start not only for the health of our marriage, but for Hailey’s ability to grow and thrive in a healthy environment with an appropriate level of age-related independence.
I also have a great friend nearby (also a mom) that I’ve developed a strong relationship with. Our parenting styles are very similar and I trust her completely. We have done swaps a couple times, where she watches Hailey while I get something done and vice versa. This works well because it’s free and we also trust each other, which makes leaving Hailey easy.
Each family obviously has to decide what works best for them, but I can say that our situation has worked really well for us and I hope I can replicate it with our new baby girl who will be here in May. We shall see!
Hoping you find a solution that works for you! <3
Josephine says
Thanks for your reply Brittany. Would love to see a post about how you put your marriage first so I can steal your ideas!
Also curious to know how often Hailey goes to nursery and has playdates?as I am a SAHM, I’m debating how often I should put my daughter in nursery as at the moment she has no socialising except for ballet once a week and at 2 I feel she needs to play with other kids plus she gets bored at home.
Brittany Dixon says
Hailey goes to “school” two days a week, for 3 hours in the morning. She loves it, which makes me feel good (that dang mommy guilt ;)). We have a standing play group once a week, but usually add in at least one more with friends.
Thanks for the blog idea! I’ll try to compile a list and see if I can work in into a post!
Danica @ It's Progression says
This is SUCH a great post, Brittany! So cute and so true… I hope David had a very Happy Birthday!!
Courtney @ Don't Blink. Just Run. says
Happy Birthday, David! I love #4!
Chris says
What a sweet list. I would love to know more about what #5 looks like for you. I have been married for 4 years, together for 10 and we’ve got a 20 month old and one more coming in a few weeks. Sometimes I struggle to figure out how to make my life about my big guy as much as my little guy and it will be even more challenging when there are two. Especially since you grew up knowing that it was true for your parents, what are some ways you make sure he knows that the two of you are #1?
Hope you enjoyed the birthday fun 🙂
char eats greens says
I had some minor conflicts internally last year when Nia was just a newborn and Tyler was traveling every month (not to mention, I was in school!), so it made me really doubt how important we were. I know we are, but in that time and place, I didn’t feel it. It’s definitely taken some convincing, but it’s definitely better. Luckily that never changed how much I love Tyler, but just goes to show that there are up’s and down’s of marriage no matter how much you love someone!!
I think one key component is trust for sure. I 100% trust Tyler and it removes so much unnecessary worry!
Emily says
Did you see this week – that men named David tend to be the best spouses? Maybe I missed it somewhere in the comments or whatever – but TIME just released this. Fun timing! 🙂
http://newsfeed.time.com/2014/01/10/take-this-to-tinder-study-finds-people-named-katie-and-david-make-the-best-spouses/