I don’t know about you, but I slept horribly last night. It’s not that I went to bed particularly scared or worried for my own safety in the wake of the Boston Marathon bombings, but just feeling disturbed in general.
My nightmares weren’t about bombs. In one, I was being chased down and in another I was one week away from graduation and realized I never attended my second period English lit class. Overall it just showed me how unsettled I am.
When tragedies like this happen, I can’t help but wonder if the world has always been this crazy or if it is getting worse. Or is it that now that I’m an adult, I’m not longer sheltered from the evil.
I also wonder why I choose to write a post like this. There isn’t much direction to it. I’m sure there will be many Boston posts today, as their should be, and many will be better written than mine. I don’t have anything especially insightful or poignant to say; I’m more of a jumbled mess of emotions. I am angry at the coward who is behind the bombings. I’m incredibly saddened for the victims. I’m frustrated for the runners that put so many hours of their lives into training, only to have their moment striped away from them by senseless tragedy. I’m inspired by seeing people run towards the victims and doing everything they can to help. I’m feeling fiercely protective over my family.
And I’m a little scared. How can you not be? Sometimes it doesn’t feel safe to go anywhere anymore. But that’s what the cowards want. Their intent isn’t mass causalities; it’s mass hysteria. They want to scare us into hiding in our homes and making us cease to live our lives. Knowing that that’s how they win, I refuse to do it.
So I’ll go out and live today like any other. No, actually, I’ll live it better, with more love, patience and kindness.
And when Friday comes, I’ll still board my flight to Boston as planned. I won’t be scared to visit my friend and see, for the first time, the city that so many people speak so highly about. I refuse to let fear dictate my life. I refuse to let the coward win.
Thanks for letting me sort through my thoughts today.