My heart is heavy.
I’m dealing with the grief over losing my dad. It’s deep and it’s personal. I’m coping with a lot of outside time, staying close with my family and friends, and trying to get back to some of “normal” life things, like cooking dinner and blogging.
I imagine your heart is heavy, too. With the state of the country and the world, and probably a personal challenge or two as well.
I don’t know about you, but I’m struggling. I’m struggling with the heaviness and I’m struggling with the judgement. Can I be candid with you for a minute?
I’m wondering when we all got so comfortable with demanding things from others and setting expectations, that if not met, result in harsh judgements? There is a message flying through social media right now saying if you aren’t using your platform to post about racism, then clearly you have chosen the side of the oppressor. I strongly disagree.
I don’t think retweeting or reposting someone’s “educate yourself” meme gives you a get out of racism free card. I don’t think shaming and judging others that are quietly trying to process the level of hatred being thrown around right now is helping anything. And I feel very certain that screaming at each other and letting the media fan the waves of anger is doing anything but making a bad situation worse.
But enough with the things I don’t think or believe. I’d rather focus on what I do stand for, as I’ve always believed in the mantra “promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.”
- I believe in the power of love to help and to heal.
- I believe the journey to peace and understanding begins first within our own homes and communities, not on social media.
- I believe, to paraphrase a line from the great Martin Luther King Jr, that what matters is the content of a person’s character, not the color of their skin.
- I believe in listening to and having hard conversations with people I respect in the spirit of growth and love.
- I believe in justice and equality.
- I believe in the power of love, kindness, peace, and joy and aim everyday to put messages that align with those values into my home and into the world.
My dad marched with Martin Luther King, Jr. My dad stood up face to face to an angry gang in Chicago to help a member that wanted out to do so successfully. He then opened his home to that ex-gang member and befriended him while watching and encouraging him to go on to do incredible things for the city of Chicago.
I’m not here to hang my hat of the accomplishments of my father, but I’m saying that that man (and my mom who has the purest heart of gold- you can ask anyone) raised me with love in my heart for all people. By his own proclaiming, he was a 60’s kid through and through, and believed strongly in helping others through love (sometimes tough love his former clients might say) and peace.
My beliefs mirror his, and I believe more change for good will come from us raising our children well, loving thy neighbor, acting in accordance to our beliefs, and influencing our local community than being bullied into reposting a meme to prove we aren’t on the oppressing side.
I know this post will rub some people the wrong way. I accept that. I know some people will say that “kindness can’t cure everything.” Maybe, maybe not. But I know it would do our world a lot more good right now than what’s being spread currently.
We can’t keep assuming we know a person’s every thought, feeling, or private action based on what they do or do not post on Instagram.
Thank you for being a part of this community. I see you. I respect your opinion, even if it is different than mine. And I’m sending you a lot of love, because it is certainly what our world needs more of right now.
Samantha says
Love this!! My sentiments exactly!
Brittany Dixon says
💜 More love can never be a bad thing, right? Thank you for your comment.
Devika B says
Perfectly said ❤️
Brittany Dixon says
💜
Samantha Brinn Merel says
I agree with you 100%. I don’t think that we need to scream from the rooftops to be a good ally or to be anti-racisit. I believe that we need to be good, kind people and raise our children to be good, kind, and empathetic thinkers. I think we need to approach the world with kindness and love and do our best to leave the world a better place. Love to you and your family. I hope that your heart lightens today ❤
Brittany Dixon says
<3 Thank you; I'm learning to embrace the tears, followed by laughter. Grief is so strange.
Kate says
We’ve gone long enough NOT screaming from the roof tops that racism is wrong. I think you’d both feel differently about how important it is to voice that opinion loudly and often and with intention if you were black, if your children were black, and you lived in fear. Teaching others, particularly our children, to be “kind to all” is not teaching them enough specifically about the systematic racism that IS out there, and a part of so many, say…5 and 8 year old’s (and all other ages) lives, that they will see and need to help end.
I wish you did not glamorize being passive about such a horrible problem. I agree with your entire second half of your post, and I wish you did not include the first part. You are a wonderful writer and mom, but it is time for a change, particularly from us white, privileged families, who do not live in fear of what happened to George Floyd. It is time for us to calmly talk about it, a lot, in person, with memes, with blog posts, with our kids, and confront this head on.
Please consider this before you use your platform to egg on those that want to ignore this issue because it easier to do so.
Eli says
But who says we are ignoring? We all process things in different manner. You don’t know if I donated to a cause. Just because I didn’t post a black square doesn’t mean I stayed quiet.
Kathryn Clark says
Great Eli. But you don’t have a blog with a large following. And the second you take on that role, you become today’s “influencer”. And silence is NOT being intentionally “ANTI-racist”. And going beyond silence, to post a lengthy blog about how those that ARE posting “memes” aren’t authentic, well that’s just subtly encouraging white privilege everywhere. Like right now. I don’t think Brittany meant to do ANY of that, but her post certainly encouraged other people that their complacency was okay.
Kathryn Clark says
Now I have nothing but respect for Brittany, who is a grieving daughter, so I’m done commenting here. I encourage you to read through some of the other comments, to see how Brittany has expanded her thought process in the last few days, as we should all be doing.
Alexis says
I love this! Thank you for putting this in the universe. I was talking with my husband last night how it’s mind blowing that our parents are experiencing their young adulthood all over again. I lean on their kindness and wisdom.
Diane says
THIS. I could not agree more. I am seeing so much on social media from people…even some friends… “using their platforms” and it comes across so fake. I, too, lost my dad to cancer several years ago, and I know what you are going through…my deepest sympathy to you. Just know, it is totally ok to live in that space of mourning for a while as you are navigating our current world and real life challenges without him here. Thank you for being so real.
Sally says
Yes! So fake! I saw someone say that white ppl are in a contest to be the most woke. Plus, no one goes to Instagram for politics!
Ray says
While I can appreciate the sentiment behind this post, and I fully acknowledge what a difficult and complex situation were all in, I think talking about feeling bullied into sharing memes is misrepresenting what’s going on. Memes are can be cynical, but for they most part they’re meant to be witty and funny. I don’t think describing what’s been shared on social media at the moment as ‘memes’ is doing the situation justice.
You have every right to share—or not share!—whatever you feel is appropriate for you. And you’re correct to say that we cannot know every person’s intention or make judgments on what’s in their heart based solely on what they post/don’t post. We do need to be kinder to each other and not jump to conclusions. But I think this is also an important opportunity for us to educate ourselves. You may well be doing that behind closed doors already, and if so, that’s wonderful. If you’re looking for a place to start, I’ve been reading White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo and learning a lot.
Rebecca Gilbert says
You perfectly summed up my thoughts on social media posts during troubling times.
You also have every right to step back from ‘the rest of the world’ in terms of sharing to take time to mourn you dad. Not rushing to post something doesn’t mean someone doesn’t care.
Brittany G says
Very well said, Brittany! Thank you for sharing this. I saw a Facebook post from a mom who I babysat for years ago, who I really respect, saying how if we are staying quiet on social media then we are part of the problem. I totally disagree with that mindset, and like you, think kindness goes a long way. Actions speak louder than words. Posting a nice MLK Jr. quote on social media doesn’t hurt, but real acts of love and kindness can go a long way.
Monica H says
Well said. A social media post isn’t “proof” of one thing or another. Actions speak louder than words, and even small, quiet actions can make a difference.
I have a newspapers.com subscription and looked up the ‘Caveman’ article. Wow, what a story – it’s both timely and timeless. I hope you will share more about your dad’s story when you feel ready. Wisdom and love are a powerful combination.
Lauren says
Thank you so much for this!! I agree! So tired of social media and the media in general. I keep reminding myself of the quote from Mother Theresa: If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.
Kelli H says
Love this post. You have such a kind heart, Brittany. I 100% agree with you on what you said. I had to take the day off Instagram yesterday because it’s such an unsettling place right now. It’s also unsettling reading about all the violence happening around the country in our news. I especially dislike the messages on social media that if you aren’t posting a stupid meme then You aren’t doing anything and you’re part of the problem. We can all do things in our own ways without “being part of the problem”. Again, your dad sounds like such a great man and he raised a wonderful woman!
Rebecca says
My thoughts exactly! Perfectly said!
Joanna says
Amen! Great post and God bless your dad with all the good work he did. Let’s look within, raise our children with love/good values and not judge others who process things differently. We are originally from Chicago, riots/looting came to the suburbs yesterday. I’m with you on believing in love and peace. Thinking of you and your family 💕
Laura says
Thank you for sharing your heart and continuing to be light in a dark world. I can’t imagine the grief of losing your dad amplified under the weight of the collective groans of humanity. I have followed your blog since you were pregnant with Hailey, and I was pregnant with my Camille. You have always spoken truth with an open mind and big heart. From reading your posts about your dad (and your mom), it’s crystal clear you have the best of both of them. Peace and strength beyond your own ability or understanding as you continue to grieve.
Kristen Turner says
With you 100 percent on this. Thanks for being brave enough to say it.
Cassie says
Yes! I completely agree. What beautiful words and ideas! Thank you for sharing. After stumbling into my facebook feed unprepared, I’ve been struggling with so many conflicting thoughts. *I’m not hesitating to take a 2 week hiatus from facebook however.
And thank you for doing the work first.
Here’s to love and acceptance.
jess says
Thank you for sharing! I agree with a lot of this. And in your time of grief, I think it’s ridiculous of anyone to expect you to kind of come out of that to take in and take on what is happening in the world with your platform. And while I agree absolutely that sharing or not sharing something on social media does or doesn’t make you an ally/racist etc., I think the time for quietly trying to make change in our homes and staying silent publicly is over. That isn’t working. We’re clearly not getting it right in our homes. I try to imagine, if I was part of this marginalized group who continues to be murdered and brutalized by police, and the world stayed largely silent on it because they were trying to ‘begin the journey to peace and understanding in their own own homes and communities, not on social media’, I would be hurt, and angry, and frustrated that after decades (or, always?) of this brutality, we were calm and quiet about it. I don’t know, I don’t have the answers, and I really do largely agree with a lot of what you said. But I also think it’s time to get educated and pivot how we learn and talk about race to our kids. Because clearly, we’re getting it wrong.
Alaina says
Thank you so much for writing this! I echo every sentiment you made. <3
Marie says
I SO SO SO agree with your post. Amen to everything. Thank you for writing this, it is helpful for many reasons. I’m so glad you are taking care of yourself …and blogging. Again, thanks for putting this out there for those of us that totally agreee.
Kathy says
You are a beautiful person inside and out!!
Chelsea says
Love this and thank you for having the courage to say this! I thought it was kind of odd when other people I follow were saying that everyone should be coming out with their stance on IG and if not people should unfollow them…like really?! Just not sure how I feel about it all.
Carol says
Even though I know he’s passed, I kept expecting to see your father’s comment in this post. He is proud of you.
Brittany Dixon says
This brought tears to my eyes; thank you <3
Nina says
Carol – I agree – loved seeing “Papa John’s” cheerful and uplifting comments on Brittany’s blog! And this article is so incredibly touching, what a wonderful human being.
Thanks so much for this blog post, Brittany. I could not have said it better myself. You put into (very eloquent) words what I was thinking all weekend.
Much love to you and your family.
Jenni says
I thought the same thing this morning. I loved reading his comments on every single one your posts and how much your writing “voices” sounded so much the same. I also 100% agree with you on all of this. Social media certainly isn’t helping the world today since people can just hide behind their keyboards and I feel so discouraged at the hatred and division in our country right now.
Laura says
“We can’t keep assuming we know a person’s every thought, feeling, or private action based on what they do or do not post on Instagram.” I could not agree more! Thank you for writing from the heart, and I know your dad is proud!
Christina says
Hi Brittany! Sending you love during this incredibly difficult, heartbreaking time. I wanted to offer a slightly different perspective. I believe you’re referring to the Desmond Tutu quote: “ If you are neutral in situations of injustice, then you have chosen the side of the oppressor.” I posted this quote on my twitter as it spoke to me. Not because I felt pressure, but because the words resonated with me. I interpreted it not as you must post on social media in order to not be on the side of the oppressor but you must do SOMETHING, actively, to be anti-racist. That could be processing, reading, researching, talking to your kids and family/friends, signing a petition, donating, whatever that is, that’s SOMETHING. That’s not neutral. That doesn’t have to be on social media. Just a thought when it comes to these ideas.
Deborah says
I agree with your thoughts. Again, so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately for someone with my skin color, I don’t have the luxury of doing the same because everytime my husband leaves the house, I worry if he will make it back home. This is my day to day reality. This is no way negates your reality. To each their own. I do, however, appreciate you speaking on it. Take care of yourself and your family.
Erin says
My sentiments exactly, much respect Brittany❤️
sherry says
So beautifully written straight from your heart. You are so brave to put yourself out there in the world of social media. My hope for you is that the love and support you receive from social media will greatly outweigh the cruel and judgmental comments.
Dad was so proud of you and would have written a great comment for this post too!
Keep spreading LUCK–love, understanding, compassion, and kindness!
Jessica Mathias says
I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss – for all of you. Brittany you have an incredible way with words – same as your Dad and he was so so proud of you. It showed in his beautifully written comments. Also – I love this saying LUCK–love, understanding, compassion, and kindness! I will be using it going forward. Sending you love and prayers
Jane says
Sherry,
Perfectly said!❤️
Stephanie says
First and foremost I am very sorry about the loss of your dad. I’ve been a long time reader of yours and I’m truly sorry about what your family is going through.
While I respect your thoughts and beliefs, this was a disappointing post to read as a woman of color. We do need to be kind and raise our children the same way. But the point isn’t to share a meme to “prove” you are an ally. The point is to step up and do something – beyond a meme. Teaching our kids to be kind is absolutely necessary but doesn’t solve the urgent problem of black people being murdered just for being black. If more people don’t step up and join us in that fight we get nowhere. I’m not advocating looting or burning down businesses. There are so many ways to help in between posting a pointless meme and burning down a family business. People should be uncomfortable seeing what is going on – that’s your gut telling you this is wrong and you need to DO something. White people get to walk away from social media or the news and take a break from it. Every day I worry about when my son and daughter get older and aren’t cute anymore and how they may come into danger simply because they have brown skin. I don’t get to take a break from that. I have to sit and be uncomfortable with that truth.
Claire says
Thank you for writing this. I hear you and I stand with you. Black lives matter.
Katie says
I am asking this out of a sincere place of wanting to do more and the right thing. What should I be doing to be a good ally? I also am not posting on social media because it feels hollow. My feed is filled with the same graphics, and it’s an echo chamber. One more person (with a really private account) isn’t going to do anything. I don’t need to change anyone’s hearts. They’re already there. Those I know who may need to move a bit in the right direction benefit more from private conversations, which are happening. I’m also looking into the best way to address racism with my 2 year old daughter now and as she gets older. My husband and I haven’t stopped talking about this in a week, and we’re saddened and frustrated at the fact this keeps happening.
Love to you and your family.
Brenda says
In reference to how to talk to your daughter, check out the organization WeStories.org. The website should give you concrete ways to talk with your daughter about race.
coco says
100% agree with you! silence doesn’t mean consent! I find some bloggers just write for the exact reason as you describe, which loses their credibility. I’m very glad to read your honest post about this, it shows your authenticity.
and what a wise man was your dad.
Amanda says
I disagree. Silence does mean consent in this case. I think it’s wonderful that your father taught you to love all people and to treat everyone with kindness. You are in a special and important position as an influencer to spread those teachings, and I hope a message of Black Lives Matter. Folks should go beyond retweeting or reposting memes… I also think you shared a VERY oversimplified & narrow belief of what is going on with social media currently. I think this means taking action through calling your representatives, sharing resources, signing (& sharing) petitions, head out to protests if you can, educate yourself and family, & the list goes on! Since you share your curriculum already, you could share a post &/or IG story about how you’re teaching your children about racism.
Brittany, I am sorry for your loss. My husband lost his father a year ago, so I know how hard this can be. Sending healing vibes to you and your family.
Lauren Brennan says
Much love to you, Brittany! Praying for peace and comfort for your family. Thank you for sharing- I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who feels this way.
Jeannie R says
I’m so sad for you and your family’s loss, your father seemed like an amazing person. Thank you for your beautifully written posts especially this one – they bring a small joy and escape from my busy work week since my daughter was born in 2014. ❤️
Jodie says
“promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.”
Before you even started mentioning your Dad’s stance on the matter, I thought to myself “well, that is just like her Dad.”
You are carrying on his legacy.
Jamie says
Amazing post. Thank you!
Renada says
Three things that I thought of while reading this post: (1) you have said that the outpouring of love and support after your father’s death has helped and been meaningful. Our country lost George Floyd, and rather than sending your love or even just being silent, you wrote about how you were not going to? That is hard for me to understand; (2) raising kind children is a wonderful goal, but kind children become kind adults who still benefit from systems in education, housing, employment, etc. that are inherently racist, so it takes both personal and systemic change to really make a difference — people need to be kind and systems need to be fair; and (3) showing our children that they don’t have to speak out is what leads to three police officers standing by while a fourth murders a man by kneeling on his neck. The other three didn’t feel that they had to intervene. That isn’t how I want my children to be raised.
Ana says
Renada, this is so well stated that I am stunned. Thank you!
Maureen says
Agreed, this comment is so eloquently and accurately put.
Maureen says
Brittany,
I have typed, erased and retyped my response to your post multiple times since reading it and the follow up on Instagram yesterday. I have run over the words in my head for hours while I’ve formulated and reformulated what I want to and think I need to/should say and in the end I’ve come to this……….
I agree with the second part about what you believe in for your family, those are worthy things to be teaching our children and putting out into the world. But right now I don’t think it’s enough. I think the time has passed where teaching our children what is good and right and moral was enough.
With all due respect to everyone that I see see saying those things yes, they are wonderful but keeping our actions within the four walls of our homes is exactly what got us into the current situation. For far too long, many well intentioned people thought that teaching our kids that “everyone is the same” “we believe there are no races” “we don’t see color we see people” was enough, and look what’s happened. People are being killed by police because of the color of their skin (not despite of it) and to teach our kids that their race doesn’t matter, that we’re all on equal ground in society at large does them a disservice.
Kids, most unfortunately, need to learn about their privilege, they need to understand why too many people in our society live in poverty, why they don’t have access to the same education, why it’s dangerous for them to walk on the street while others don’t face the same threat. We, and our kids, need to learn about and speak about the systems in place in our country that have continued to hold people down for too long. I too believe in justice and equality, and I’m not suggesting that we show kids videos that are beyond their comprehension or to bring them to a protest if you are not comfortable with that but I do think that we need to be thinking about and taking action outside of our homes for this to end. I, myself, am still figuring out what that means and it might be continuing to educate ourselves, getting involved at the local level to find out about police budgets and contracts in our cities in towns, it might mean more reading and learning, making donations to the people that are actively working to end racism.
I will also add that, having read your blog for years and had many interactions via comments and dm’s that I was really surprised by the first part of the post. The tone in putting “educate yourself” in quotes implies you don’t think that people, perhaps those posting memes, are doing that. And right away I’d say maybe some aren’t but I personally know many, many, many people that are actively learning about systemic racism and anti racism and are using their platform to post memes and videos (myself included). There is judgement that comes from the implication that the people posting things aren’t actually educating themselves. I also don’t think anyone posting memes thinks it gives them a “get out of racism free card” and to be honest I’m not quite sure what you meant by that. I’ll say that the first part of this post and the follow up and comments on Instagram came off as judging those that do choose to educate themselves and post those memes.
Influencers and bloggers have long talked about the community that social media has created, they are ok when people agree with them, swipe up on on their links, or respond favorably in a comment and yet I’m seeing push back from many now that are judging that same community that might be dealing with the latest incident in a different way than them. I don’t see people that do choose to use their platform as shaming people, but perhaps you do with a wider audience, I see people that use their platform as educating themselves and then sharing that with their community.
To be honest, as a long term reader, one who is a white person that has spent the last few years trying to learn (and unlearn) about systemic racism and the white privelage me and my children have I’m really disappointed in the judgement that I feel from your post above. Yes I’m “educating myself” as you put it and yes I’m posting memes and videos, but it’s not to judge, shame or bully others as you suggested it’s to spread what I’m learning to those that I know. I’d request that you might consider that’s what others are doing too, as you said “We can’t keep assuming we know a person’s every thought, feeling, or private action based on what they do or do not post on Instagram.”
Again, I genuinely thought about this response for a while and please know that I am not trying to judge you for your opinion, I am, however, trying to suggest an alternative to what it looks like you think people are doing online.
Jay Jones says
I, for one, am with you: I don’t know how these instagram posts take us toward justice and righteousness in our hearts. Your blog post, on the other hand, has great tips and ideas about how bring light to the areas of influence with which God has uniquely granted to you–big or small. All the hardships of life go on in spite of what is reflected during any social media movement. To my mind, it’s like feeling especially Christian during certain high holy days. Being a Christian needs to be part of your life and what you’re commanding in your home every day. And the same regarding justice and righteousness, morality and character.
Lyndsey says
Brittany, I am so very sorry for the loss of your father. I always loved seeing him as the first comment on your blog.
I’ve been reading for many many years, and am very disappointed in this entire blog post. As a black woman with a black son and a black father, the injustice of this country is on my mind every day.
I do not care if you share a meme, but all of my white friends did text me and ask how i’m doing and if i’m okay. I don’t care if you share a meme, but my white social media friends are asking HOW they can be better and sharing ways in which they can implement change in their own homes.
It is unfortunately, not enough to say – be kind. Children begin to learn preferences and benefit from systemic oppression at birth. If people want to reverse what damage has been done in this country, it takes REAL conversation, at home and online and in the streets and at your church – EVERYWHERE.
Here are some things as a mother that you can do: Look around at the types of people at your church, park, school (or home-school curriculars) are. You have to look at yourself, do you and your husband have friends of color that are in your daughters lives, frequently and often, with kindness? Do your friends have POC friends and neighbors? Do they see positive black role models in professional roles, including doctors, dentists, lawyers, business men and women, business owners? Have you read books with people that don’t look like your daughters in them? Do the diverse people in your books have more than just a different skin tone, but different hair, clothes, names, and homes?
Most importantly, have you openly talked with your daughters about the color of their skin and the color of other peoples skin and how we all still have beating hearts and beautiful minds? Staying silent will not fix what has happened in America. And if you must take the stance that your change only happens in your home, then the above is certainly where you should start.
As a reader of your blog for many years, I have not seen this level of diversity in your home. It’s 10000% possible you’re just not ‘putting it out there’, but unless you’re cutting pictures of your black friends and neighbors out of your photos – I think there is work to be done.
Again, I know all of this is difficult to talk about, but we just all have so much to learn so that we can all be better.
Brittany Dixon says
Hi Lyndsey,
Thank you for your condolences and for being a long time reader. I read every word you wrote, multiple times. You have a lot of great thoughts and I would be totally happy to hop on a phone call with you to hear your thoughts and talk them through. I value your opinion and am listening.
I have reread my post multiple times too and believe I came off too strong in some of my wording. Not that there are excuses, but behind the scenes, I was grieving my dad and receiving messages on instagram asking why I had not posted anything about race and what that lack of response meant. That’s where my frustration came from- being told I was saying something by not saying anything. Meanwhile my heart was broken.
I stand by what I say above about the love in my heart for all people and by actively teaching my children the same ways. (To answer your question, yes, we talk to our children openly and directly about racism- what it is, why it’s wrong, how we love people, etc). I do believe change begins in our hearts, our homes, and communities. I also stand by my statement that we have to stop thinking we know someone’s every thought, feeling, or action based on what they do or do not post on Instagram.
However, over the past few days I have grown to understand that it’s about the bigger picture and why what I’m talking about is different and not enough for systemic change. I’m listening. I hear that.
Thanks for your response and willingness to have a hard, but honest and respectful conversation. I appreciate your kindness.
Sarah says
I’ve followed your blog for a long time and I’m truly disappointed by this post. Perhaps look to your friend Julie PBF for some guidance here. She’s taken a deep, hard look at her beliefs through the lens of her faith and has actually gotten past our collective white defensiveness to try to make meaningful change. It’s easy for us to get defensive. It’s harder to do the work. We can’t just turn a blind eye to what is happening in the world. Sure, a meme doesn’t change anything. But this post reads as though you don’t believe it’s your responsibility to the work. We cannot ask black people to continue to do the work for us. Read the book White Fragility. Or ANY of the other resources that exist. But truly, by not acknowledging that there is a very real problem with racism in society and vowing to do your work moving forward, you’re perpetuating racism.
I fully support you taking time to mourn your father. Maybe you should take more time before you come to this space, honestly.
Sarah says
You have multiple moms of black kids (add me to that list) coming here and telling you that this is disappointing. That it is not enough. That you need to take a minute and examine your own white privilege and defensiveness. I am begging you to please listen to these voices. It is a wonderful idea in theory that if we all taught our kids to be kind, everything would be ok. But as any of us with black and brown children can tell you, it does not matter. The best allies for our children are the ones who take a good hard look in the mirror. Please do so. I have empathy for you because I think you are trying to somehow do your version of this work when you have had such a huge loss and probably not a lot of capacity for emotional and mental growth. That’s ok if you need to take a minute. But please, adjust your thinking. Listen to the voices of color here and on IG.
Jane says
Brittany,
Beautifully said!
Your Dad would be so proud of this post. Your Mom and Dad raised you to be a loving, kind person and I have seen that not only in the way you live your life but in how you and David are raising your girls. You walk the talk.
Please do not let negative comments on social media change you. I can only imagine how some comments must hurt. 😥
Continue being the person we know and love.
Eli says
100% agree. I’m so sorry that you even have to explain yourself and your actions or “lack thereof” to others. Everything starts at home. Racism is taught. If we teach our kids to have good morals and values and be kind to all and they see their parents doing that, they will too. If we teach our kids to respect authority, they will too. We grew up without social media (80s baby) and it’s really such a Double edge sword. I don’t need an “influencer” telling me how I need to feel or act or post. It’s great since we can have these conversations, distance not an issue. And we all learn more and pass that knowledge on to our kids. I’m all for teaching our kids to question things that aren’t right, but we just do that peacefully and in a manner that evokes change, not more chaos.
Hope to see better days!
anonymous says
It’s so difficult to be on a media platform. This issue has no right way to communicate. I feel tremendous pressure because I am also on a social media platform. I have yet to have the courage to say anything because I don’t know how.
I am Hispanic and racism has also affected my family. but I do not raise my kids with this trauma. We do not extend this generational trauma to our kids.
my grandparents came to this country with only the clothes they were wearing. Store front signs read NO CUBANS next to NO BLACKS. I didn’t even know that until this week.
We focused and still focus on working hard. All my grandparents focused on was getting food on the table and being able to find a home for her family. There was no government program, at that time, to help my grandparents AT ALL. Yet, every day my grandmother says how grateful she is for this country. STONES WERE THROWN AT HER BECAUSE SHE WAS CUBAN!
But we didn’t stay in that place. We worked hard. We emerged from poverty. Second generations all have college degrees and good jobs. We know our grandparents stories but they don’t dictate our present or our future.
This is so hard for me, because I see and have worked with underprivileged black communities and have seen the incredible programs they have. i have seen black women and men go on to have fully paid master degrees, and incredible jobs, because they took the opportunities afforded to them.
It’s opportunities that today no Hispanic has, no other culture has in this country.
I tell my sister all the time, because she married an African American and her kids are half black, that my kids will have to work harder and will probably leave college with an educational loan. but her kids won’t. I started a list of programs for her to show her boys the incredible opportunities they have because are black. If you look at these programs, I can’t believe there are still black people in poverty. Poverty is also something you choose, you can choose to be a part of it, or as we become adults we can choose to leave it.
Our lives are what we make of it. No one is going to come and take anyone out of poverty. It’s our own hard work and determination that does that. Other cultures, it’s a lot more difficult to leave that situation. None of this is right. They can do and be anything they want to be.
When you look at black history, the stories of good people doing incredible things from the black community, are there. I don’t understand the focus on oppression. I just don’t.
And what exactly is wrong with kindness, empathy and love? I don’t understand that either.
But being a person that is not white, and has been the target of racism, I just don’t agree.
I am also raising my kids like you.
I feel peer pressured into talking to my kids about racism. and I started to last night with my nine year old daughter. I asked if she noticed a difference between her and my nephews, her answer, they are boys. Then I asked if she noticed the color of their skin, and she said it was darker and then asked me what the problem is with dark skin. Well honestly, what is the problem? how should I answer her?
I have black neighbors and today I found myself afraid of seeing them. This is dividing us in a way that I have never felt before.
I am so sorry about your dad and now having to deal with this. All this just hurts.
Amanda says
I disagree. Silence does mean consent in this case. I think it’s wonderful that your father taught you to love all people and to treat everyone with kindness. You are in a special and important position as an influencer to spread those teachings, and I hope a message of Black Lives Matter. Folks should go beyond retweeting or reposting memes… I also think you shared a VERY oversimplified & narrow belief of what is going on with social media currently. I think this means taking action through calling your representatives, sharing resources, signing (& sharing) petitions, head out to protests if you can, educate yourself and family, & the list goes on! Since you share your curriculum already, you could share a post &/or IG story about how you’re teaching your children about racism.
Brittany, I am sorry for your loss. My husband lost his father a year ago, so I know how hard this can be. Sending healing vibes to you and your family.