Last week was the worst week of my life. Only hours after I published this post, Mom called Kris and me from the hospital in tears, telling us we needed to come. I’m not even sure how I managed to pack a bag, but with David’s help I was out the door in less than 20 minutes. I drove the 3 1/2 hours in total silence, letting the gray skies and intermittent pouring rain fit my mindset.
I’m not ready to talk about that day yet, but I will tell you that the four of us got to be together. We got to say everything we wanted to say, and so did Dad. While Monday was the absolute most gut-wrenching day of my life, I am incredibly grateful for it at the same time.
Dad passed away in the early hours of Friday morning with Mom by his side. I’m grateful he got his wishes that when there was nothing else to be done, that he leave this world as quickly and painlessly as he could.
In some ways none of this feels real. Despite being fully aware of his diagnosis and his recent prognosis of being given 2-3 months, it still feels like it was so sudden. The week before we were all together to celebrate his birthday. Two days before he went into the hospital with excruciating pain he walked two miles and washed the car. My heart can’t make sense of it all.
I’m still processing how everything unfolded and trying to figure out how to live in a world that doesn’t have my dad in it. There is so much I want to write about him, to share his heart and his passion for helping other people.
I want to tell you about his path from priesthood to private practice and how he positively impacted so many people through both. We promised him we would carry on his 60’s-loving-heart’s message of peace and love and his Zorba the Greek way of living life and enjoying it.
I plan to do both of things to the best of my ability, but right now, I’m just a girl missing her dad.
We have experienced an outpouring of love. People sharing with us their favorite memory they have with dad or how he impacted their life have been incredibly healing. Deliveries of flowers and food, cards and texts, emails and comments, hugs and wise words have been silver linings that I don’t take for granted.
I’ve never hurt like this before and somehow knowing I’m not alone in my grief really does help provide some cushion to this pain.
My heart can’t write much more about this right now, but I have to first tell you about my mom. No one can love like this woman. For the past week, and for the 41 and a half years before that, she loved Dad with the purest, most supportive kind of love. They have that storybook love we all dream about. While I am missing my dad, she is missing her best friend and life partner. I don’t believe in comparing or ranking pain, but I ache for her.
In the same vein, I’ve received some beautiful words of encouragement and some quotes that have spoken to me- thank you. This is one of my favorites:
“Death ends a life, not a relationship. All the love you created is still there. All the memories are still there. You live on- in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here.”
Lindsey says
Your Dad was such an inspiring person. I have always loved reading about him over the years when you shared about him on your blog. I will be praying for you and your family. <3
Lynn Thow says
Brittany,
Thank you for sharing your dad with all of us. When I would read your blog posts, I could always see how your dad loved life and you through what he wrote in the comments. I loved the quote you shared. It’s true. I lost my dad when he was 64 years old. It was hard and beautiful all at the same time.
I’ll be praying for you and especially your mom.
Much love from a long time reader!
Lynn❤️
Michelle says
This was so beautifully written. I think you may have gotten your way with words from your dad! What an awesome man I wish I could have met! Hugs friend!
Kelli Harrison says
I always envied your relationship with your father. My father and I have nothing like that. I still love him he still loves me but we’re not close like you two are. That is something special and I’ve enjoyed watching it through the blog and I’m going to continue enjoying the stories that you will hopefully share about your dad!
Prayers to your family especially your mom .
C says
I am so sorry for your loss! Your dad always seemed like such a lovely person and I always enjoyed reading his comments on your blog. I am glad you managed one last family reunion a few weeks ago and that you were able to go and see him again after that.
Katie S says
My heart feels broken (which is really weird considering I don’t know y’all) for you and your family. I’ve felt the heaviness ever since you shared last week. Continuing to send all the love and all the prayers.
Torrie @ To Love and To Learn says
I only recently found your blog, but I just wanted to comment and say that I’m so sorry you’re having to go through such a devastating loss, especially being so young. Your dad sounds like he was such an inspiration! I pray that you have many moments of calm and peace and assurance as you navigate through your grief, and that this time brings you closer than ever with your mom. <3
Kristen says
I’m so very sorry. He seemed like such an amazing person! I always loved reading his comments on your blog posts. Sounds like he had a well lived life! Praying for peace and comfort for you guys.
Allison C says
I am so sorry for your loss Brittany. Keep the love, lessons and memories close, the heart and soul never forget. Time will heal but not erase, you will then carry on your father’s legacy. Keeping you and your loved ones in my prayers.
Liz says
Your dad seems like such a caring and compassionate man, and a wonderful and supportive father. I’ve always loved reading his comments on your blog over the years. What a gift to have something like that in your life – not many people are that lucky. My own father passed away when I was only 8, so I truly can’t imagine the grief you’re feeling right now. My heart hurts for you, and I hope you’re able to find some peace in knowing that your dad isn’t suffering anymore. My thoughts are with you all.
Kim says
I am so very sorry for your loss. I was heartbroken for you when I saw this. I just lost my dad a few weeks ago too and it is indescribably painful. There are moments when things feel normal-ish and okay. And then something happens or something triggers a memory of him that hits you so hard. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Erin says
Brittany, this was a beautiful tribute to him (I’m sure the first of many). Echoing what others have said – thank you so much for sharing him with us. I will sorely miss seeing him post the first comment on your future posts. The relationship you had with him was incredible. Praying for you, your family (how are your girls doing?), and your mom at this time.
Joanna Stavrakos says
Brittany, I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. My sincere condolences to you and your family. Your words brought me to tears. I always enjoyed reading his replies and he sounded so loving and supportive. I love that he lived like Zorba the Greek! Please share more stories about your wonderful dad. May his memory be eternal. 💕
Dana says
So very sorry for your loss. I’ve always thought it was neat that your dad commented on your blog posts. He has always sounded like such a special person. Prayers and love to you and your family.
Kelli H says
My heart is aching for you and your family. It’ll take so much time to come to terms with everything but I pray that God is helping you all grieve and process. Sending so much love and healing to your family. Take care!
Laura says
I’m so sorry. I can relate to so much; I had that same phone call and same long drive home by myself in stunned silence, in my case the phone call from my dad about my mom. I love the “Zorba the Greek way of living life” about your dad. I know you will find beautiful and impactful ways to remember and honor your dad, and spread and share his love of life with others.
Sarah says
Hi Brittany,
I have been praying for your broken heart, and for your family’s hearts as well. I feel for all of you. I am so sorry. Life can be so hard sometimes. It just doesn’t seem fair. That photo says it all…your dad’s love will live on in all of you, in your girls, in your family, in the impact you make on your world. I wish I could somehow do more to help. I know you have many friends to support you, but if you ever need anything, I’m not far away. <3
Megan says
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss–my heart goes out to you.. May you and your family find some moments of peace during this difficult transition <3 <3 <3
Lauren Brennan says
Brittany, I am truly heartbroken for you. When I didn’t see a post from you in a while, I just knew that your father was the reason. And so I’ve been praying for you and your family. I’m glad you got to have some time with him, and I will continue to pray for you and your family in the days to come. I am so very sorry. Much love. ❤️
sherry says
Brittany you write so beautifully from your heart. I almost made it through the morning without tears streaming down my face and then I read your heart-felt loving blog. All the comments touched me. There are so many kind, good people in this world.
Amanda says
Your quote you wrote sums everything up perfectly. You have your Dad shining through each of you every day! All of the heartache you feel will slowly get better and you will heal. You are an amazing strong woman and I’m sending so many prayers and love your way!
coco says
sorry to hear your loss. No matter how sudden or lengthy the process, when it happens, it is always hard.
my dad passed away suddenly when he was in another continent so we didn’t even have mental preparation for it. After 30 hrs flight we got to where he lived, all that was left was the empty room. that was 2 years ago and sometime I still don’t feel/believe he’s gone, like he is still traveling somewhere.
loss of a parent is one of the hardest thing in life but it reminds us that it happens and we need to be prepared and appreciate more the time we have with our loved ones.
Alison says
I’m so sorry for your loss, Brittany. Be assured of my prayers for you and your family during this time of such deep heartache. ♥︎
Anne says
Hi Brittany
I’ve been a long time reader (7 years plus) and am very sorry to hear of your dad’s passing. Like your dad, mine is also known as Papa John to the kids. I am not all that good with words but wanted you to know that you and your family are in my thoughts.
Laura says
Oh I’m so sorry to hear…I’ve been checking back since that last post. I have prayed for your family.
Rachel Ware says
Brittany, my heart goes out to you and your family. I am so sorry you’re having to walk through this pain. Lifting you all up in prayers in the days and weeks ahead.
amanda says
I am so sorry for your loss
Noa says
I am so sorry for your loss and will also miss seeing new encouraging comments from him on your blog posts. I am happy you were able to have Mother’s Day weekend together and he got his wishes. The quote you shared is so true. I lost my mom almost 2 years ago and am thankful for so many wonderful memories. We are here for you.
Brian says
My deep condolences.