*Disclaimer: As with all my family/pregnancy/child posts, I am sharing my feelings for what is best for our family. I, in no way, assume that what is best for us is best for everyone. Family and children decisions are personal and unique to each situation.
Hailey was the sweetest surprise we ever got. I’m continuously grateful that the she came when she did because I’m not sure if we ever would have said “we are 100% ready to have a child.” After all, who is ever 100% ready?
However, with baby #2, things are different. As with everything, people have their opinions and I found myself becoming a pro at figuring conception dates, adding 9 months and gauging the age gap between Hailey and future baby Dixon. And all this was assuming that we can even fully plan and control these things, which is incredibly naive.
Still, I was always set on waiting until Hailey was two years old. I’m not sure David had strong feelings either way, but for me, the gap seemed like a good one for a few reasons.
- It gave me one on one time with Hailey. These two years with my first born have been invaluable. I enjoyed being able to focus solely on her and savor snuggles, milestones and adjusting to our wonderful new life as a family of 3.
- It allowed Hailey time to reach certain helpful milestones. I’m thrilled that we can communicate so well now. I’m certain she will be a great helper with the new baby and I love the idea that she will be out of diapers (hopefully!!) and able to do many things for herself while the new baby demands a lot of my attention in the beginning.
- It allowed my body time to recover. Physically and emotionally, pregnancy and child birth take a toll on a woman. I was no exception. The time lapse allowed my body to restore vital nutrients, heal fully and feel strong again. Psychologically, I feel prepared (as much as anyone possibly can) to embrace this new journey and brave the sleepless nights. Just kidding, I’m scared out of my mind about sleepless nights again now that I’ve been spoiled rotten!
After a year of breastfeeding and slowly decreasing the number of nursing sessions, I started to get nervous about my period coming back and getting spontaneously pregnant. In September 2012, I started taking the mini pill, a progesterone-only birth control pill, to prevent pregnancy. When Hailey was 14 months old, in November 2012, she fully weaned. Being that we were not ready for another child yet and the mini-pill is best used and most effective in combination with nursing, I did something I swore I’d never do again. I went back on the regular birth control pill.
…for a month.
I quickly realized I hated it. I felt emotional, moody and lethargic. Physically, I felt like my workouts weren’t as effective. I hated it.
After completing 1 cycle on the pill, I decided to try the NuvaRing. It was ok. I never felt I could place it just right, but it worked well enough and because it a lower dose of hormones delivered locally instead of being digested, most of my side effects disappeared.
Selfishly, I wanted to make sure I didn’t get pregnant before our big trip to the British Virgin Islands, which was at the beginning of March. The NuvaRing helped make that possible, and in February (2013), I stopped all forms of birth control.
Although we weren’t quite ready to be pregnant right then, we certainly wouldn’t have been upset if it happened. Being that my cycles were never regular and it took me so long to get them back after I went off the birth control pill the first time (before Hailey), I decided giving my body a chance to regulate itself would be a good thing.
Naively, I thought I’d be pregnant in a month or two. That’s when the frustration with my body’s irregular cycles, a couple of doctor appointments, the realization that I can’t control the world (what?!??), an investment in a fancy machine and eventually dietary changes began. To be continued.
Do you think there is such thing as an ideal age gap between children?
My bro and I are almost 3 years apart (2 years and 9 months). I think it’s a great gap because we are close enough in age to relate to each other, but always had our separate lives and identities. Maybe I just think it’s best because it’s what I have experience is best?
Madeline @ Food Fitness and Family says
My sister and I are 17 years apart … and no I wasn’t an accident 😉 I am pretty excited that my kids will be 26ish months apart. I feel like between 2-3 years is a great amount of time personally!
Elizabeth @ My Neon Running Shoes says
Your experience sounds similar to mine with number 2! You start trying and then it doesn’t happen and it’s SO frustrating… through it though I learned to focus on patience and not being in control (like you said!) and it was a great practice. And then what do you know, things work out and it all makes a little more sense. I’m super excited to follow your journey!
Danica @ It's Progression says
Elizabeth! I’ve been thinking about you and your pregnancy since HLS – did you announce it on your blog and I missed it?! Anyway, I hope you’re doing well! 🙂
Danica @ It's Progression says
I’m excited that you’re sharing this with us!
Though we don’t have any kids yet, my husband and I have talked about how many we want (of course) and how spaced out, ideally, we’d like them to be. We think that at least 2 years is best, too, for a lot of the same reasons that you listed.
Lee says
My siblings and I are 12 and 10 years apart. They are my half-siblings. It’s cool now, but I always wished I was a little closer in age with them when I was younger. But I really think it just depends on the personality of the kids more than the age gap. Jason and his brother are 18 months apart and could not be more different and did not get along as kids, but I know others that are that close that were best friends. I think 2-3 years sounds good. Which will make me in my late 30s when I want to have a second, but oh well.
Parita @ myinnershakti says
My sister and I are almost 7 years apart. And although that sounds like a lot, now that we’re older, it really isn’t. We’ve always been close though, and our relationship just keeps getting stronger.
And even though we’re not quite ready to have kids yet, I have been thinking about it more and more. May send you an email to pick your brain!
Brittany Dixon says
Email away! I’m always happy to chat 🙂
Swiftie22 says
My sister and I are 5 years, 2 months apart. I’m currently 13 and she will turn 8 in December. We have (almost) always been really close. I say “almost” because there was a time when I just couldn’t stand her!
She learned to walk at 11 months, and she used to destroy everything (according to my point of view at the time). But now, I couldn’t be more grateful that I have her. She may be young, but she’s helped me go through a lot just by sharing her opinions: “Stop fighting with mom, she just wants the best for you. Go tell her you’re sorry.” How can I say no when she says it with such a sweet voice? 🙂 We also have a lot of fun together, even though I’m older… I wouldn’t change her for anything. 😀
Brittany Dixon says
Oh, that’s such a sweet outlook you have! I’ll bet you guys only get closer as you get older, too!
Lindsey says
I hear you, at our one year wedding anniversary we decided to starting trying and I thought within a few months I would be pregnant, well almost 2 years with no period made that more impossible that I thought. It was no a longer journey compared to some but still took awhile and a lot of tracking etc. I am now due any day with our first baby 🙂
I think 2 plus years is good between kids. I want them to be closer in age (I am 6 and 9 years older than my brothers) but want #1 to be self efficient somewhat before number 2.
Heather says
Our kiddos will be about 18-19 months apart, and sometimes I think we’re out of our minds for keeping them so close, but as you said – you can only plan these things so much. We thought we’d have as much trouble getting pregnant with #2 as we did with our first, but lo and behold, it didn’t take much time at all. We’re hoping the kids will be close, though since my husband and his sister are even closer in age and got along well as children, whereas I was almost 5 years older than my brother and didn’t want a tagalong. I was a snot, though. 😉
Sarah says
I just got made redundant this morning so guess my plans to start a family are pushed back again. I want a baby so much it hurts. Cant wait to read all about your journey. Look after yourself.
Jessie says
I’m an only child & I promised my mom that I would have more than one child when the time came (I think she regretted not giving me a sibling). I always thought 3 yrs was a great age difference but circumstances aren’t always perfectly planned (as you know!) so Lyric and her sister will be 26 months apart.
I was on Nuvaring before trying for Lyric and it took 6 months for me to get my cycle back. You know what brought it back?? 4 days of drinking red raspberry leaf tea 3-4x a day! Crazy! I’ve heard lots of stories like yours about Nuvaring and it seems pretty common for it to mess up a woman’s cycle. But obviously it all worked out eventually, and I think your age gap between the two will be great!
Brittany Dixon says
Oh I’ve never heard of red raspberry leaf tea for fertility, just for late pregnancy! That’s so neat. Thank you for sharing!!
I hate all hormonal birth control. I don’t want to even think about what I’ll do after this baby yet. What about you?
Jessie says
After Lyric I had the Implanon rod placed in my arm at my 6-wk post partum appt. I kept it in for about 18 months & had no issues at all. They last for 3 yrs so I’ll prob do that again after this baby. We are 99.9% sure we are done so after 3 yrs we’ll figure out a more long-term decision.
Lauren B. says
Jackson is now 14 mos old, and the hubby and I have “stopped preventing.” I had such a hard time getting pregnant with Jackson, that this time around, I think we’ll be happy no matter when the second comes along- although at least 2 + years is ideal! I’m 33 now, so I just pray it doesn’t take too long!
I am sooooo excited for you and LOVE reading about your pregnancies. You were such an inspiration and so helpful once I did become pregnant, especially with your product and book recommendations! I still LOVE the Snoogle! 🙂
Brittany Dixon says
Aw, thanks Lauren!! I actually just pulled the snoogle out and washed it last night. It was like welcoming back at old friend- haha! Sending love and luck your way!
Verna says
All 3 of mine are 21 months apart. My sister and I are 21 months apart. We didn’t really plan it that way, that’s just the way it worked out. I think it’s a pretty good gap, there are good and bad things about it. We’d like at least 4 and I’m not getting any younger so we don’t really want big gaps between our kids. I like them being closer in age and not dragging out the diaper stage forever.
Brittany Dixon says
I can absolutely see the benefit to popping them out quickly (not the most poetic way to put it…), especially if you want a big family. Can you imagine the fun once they are all out of diapers and you permanently are getting great sleep? 🙂 I’m going to go crazy without my sleep again. Haha.
Totally pros and cons to all options!
Verna says
Exactly! There are good and bad points to any spacing. It’s such a hard decision. We just kind of went with the flow and it’s worked out really well for us! Congrats to you!! It really is the best seeing your babies loving each other!
erin says
I think that you like the age gap that you have and set-up that you know. My brother and I are 2 yrs 3 months apart and my sister and I are only 19 months apart. I have to say, I love having a sister so close in age. Sure we fought at times, but when we were little we played really well together.
My boys are 2 yrs 9 months apart and I have enjoyed that. There were times I wished they were closer in age so they could play together already, but for my sanity I felt that age gap was perfect. I also felt that the transition from one kid to two went smoothly because when the younger one was born the older one was old enough to help and got it a bit more.
Lisa says
My boys are 19 months apart and it is a lot sometimes! Our next will definately be a little further apart. I know this is very personal but how many kids would you guys like?
Brittany Dixon says
Nothing is set in stone, but we are leaning towards having two. We shall see! 🙂
Kristen @ notsodomesticated says
Very interesting post! I always figured our kids would be around 2 years apart, but who knows. I have to remind myself that it’s in God’s hands, not mine! 🙂
Paulina says
My brother is 16 months younger than me and we have always been close, except for the teen years. However my mom always said she wished she had a bit more time between us for all the reasons you mentioned.
My daughter will be 27 months old when this baby is born. I’m happy with the age gap. Although we had originally hoped to get pregnant late summer or early fall, we started trying in the spring since it took six months to conceive the last time. This time it was literally one “try” and I got pregnant! Telling my husband was soo funny, he couldn’t believe it had happened so fast.
Kate @ Indulgent Wellness says
My brother and I are 7.5 years apart and the age difference has mattered less the older we get. When we were younger, we had absolutely nothing to fight about which was a good thing, but it was tough to relate being away at college with him in elementary school.
My daughter (also Hailey!) will be 2.75 years when our second baby is born in early February. Glad to hear you think that age difference is perfect!
Jen says
Our approach was a little different. Because of my fertility issues, my doctor wanted me to be pregnant again by the time Wyatt turned two — and I’m so fortunate that I am. So, I never really got to think about the perfect age gap. That being said, I’m glad W and his future sibling will only be two years apart in school — so I can have them on the same schedule for a while haha!
char eats greens says
I think IF we have a second one (I’m completely ok with 1…for now. Things can change!!), I like the idea of at least 3 years. 2 years at the minimum because I had a c-section and that’s the amount of time you MUST wait if you ever wanted to try naturally with the second, and obviously that’s what I would want to do if I could!! I’m not on birth control and I don’t think I will go on, but I also haven’t got my period back yet either!
Ali says
I think 2.5-3 years is a good gap too and I think that’s what we’ll plan for as well.
Sabrina says
If we don’t bust out all of our kids now then I don’t think we will have the big family we want. I’d rather suffer through the diaper years all at once and then be done with it. I always said I wanted to be pregnant or nursing for 8 years and then just be done with it forever. I’m nervous about having another kid especially since things are so perfect now, but I know we would regret not trying for more. For now we are leaving it up to nature, but ideally I wouldn’t get pregnant again until Ali is over a year old.
Brittany Dixon says
I think if we were hoping for more than two, I’d be more on board for having them closer together, too. Something about getting all the sleepless nights and diapers out of the way sounds very enticing!
Ashley @ My Food N Fitness Diaries says
My husband and I like the idea of 2-3 years apart. Of course it’ll be in God’s timing, but I think it’s a good age gap. Like you said, I want to enjoy the first before moving on to the next. 🙂 So excited for you!
Michelle says
Birth control is evil! It took me 2 years to get pregnant the first time and I swear that’s why.
My first two are 2yrs 9 months apart and my 2nd and third are 4 years 6 weeks apart (so my oldest and youngest are almost 7 years apart). I personally find the 4 year gap waaaaay easier, but time will tell 🙂
The hardest part for me with the first two was dealing with potty training and a newborn at the same time. The hardest thing this time is that girls are so dramatic. Lol.
Sara @ lifebetweenthemiles says
My sister and I are 5 years apart and we think it was great. At this stage of our lives (I’m 32, she is 27) we are very close and I can help guide her through difficult things because I have been through most of what she is experiencing myself. I think there are pros and cons to every age gap. I am really excited for you, David and Hailey.
jade says
My hubby and I fight about this all the time (well not really) but he wants the kiddos so closely together and because our 1st (and only so far) is the world’s poorest sleeper I have wanted to wait longer until we figure out the sleep issues. I didn’t want to go on any form of medical birth control in between, so we did chance a lot. Now I’m in a stage where sure we can get going on #2, the #1 is now 16.5 months but like you we have not been protecting for a very long time now and we still are not (I’ve had ‘regular’ periods since he was 9 months old). I know my hormones are wacky still and I am so sure there have been months that I didn’t ovulate. I did this month as I finally caved and got an ovulation kit… but still too early to know
Michelle says
Congrats on your pregnancy!! What an exciting time 🙂 I appreciate how open and honest you are on your blog – I can’t wait to follow along on your journey through #2!
I’ve helped with childcare for several families, mostly with young kids 2 years apart. I personally feel (for me) that would be too close. I think I’d prefer more of a 3-4 year gap for all the reasons you mention, like more self-sufficiency in kid #1. In the same breath, I also think that things happen for a reason, and you can handle whatever cards you’re dealt. Timing is a mysterious thing!
Maria says
My older brother and I are exactly 3 years apart and we have the BEST relationship and did all through growing up. My younger brother and I are 5 years apart and weren’t super best buds growing up (had nothing in common), but are now. Siblings were/are so important to me and I’ll either have no children or at least 2 🙂
Rebecca @ Strength and Sunshine says
My older brother and I are 2 years apart it I think it was perfect. We were really close growing up and I considered him one of my best friends!
Giselle@myhealthyhappyhome says
I’m shaking my head to almost everything you wrote here as I’m in the same boat. Well, not quite the same yet since we still aren’t pregnant and I didn’t go back on birth control at all but have battled irregular periods for years. I’m anxious to hear your to be continued!
Chantal says
There’s definitely no ideal age difference. I thought we would do about 2.5 years… and now it’ll be 3.5 to 4 years apart. And I’m perfectly fine with that! I’m not on any BC though, so we’re playing with fire haha
Marjorie says
It’s tough to know for me what the ideal age difference is. My boy is 14 months, and I am not sure we are quite ready for number 2. Although I am 35, and my hubs is 39, so I don’t want to wait too much longer. Sometimes I see how strapped we are, and I wonder how the heck we would handle two. We’ve got our hands full! I can’t wait to read your to be continued. 🙂
Coco says
I can’t wait to see the continue because I’m weaning my 13 months baby and haven’t got period yet, so I want to know how that worked with you because before getting pregnant I also had irregular period.
Lisa says
My son (our only child) is currently 28.5 months and I’m not pregnant.
We’ll have a 3.5-4 year age gap.
We’re happy with that!
Liz says
We wanted an 18 month difference between 1 and 2 but breastfeeding did a number on my cycle and even when we were down to one feeding a day, my cycle didn’t return and it took 3 months after fully weaning before it returned. Now I just found out I am pregnant and if all goes well the age gap will be 2 years 1 month– a much bigger gap than we wanted but it’s still good and gives us more time to soak up one-on-one time with our first.
Brittany Dixon says
Congratulations!!! 🙂
Neil Butterfield says
I don’t believe that there is anything such as the perfect gap between kids.
Amanda says
So excited for you and look forward to keeping up and reading about your pregnancy! I believe it’s all in God’s timing and there is no perfect age gap. What’s perfect for one family may not be another families perfect. My sister and I are 5 years apart and very close. I feel it depends more on the personalities of the kids not so much age gaps. 🙂
Tiffany says
I am so excited to follow along on your journey since I’m just a bit ahead of you. My daughter was 2 in August and we’re expecting little girl (!!) #2 in March. We were aiming for an age gap of 2.5-3yrs. Our girls will be about 31 months apart which I’m hoping will be good. It’s almost exactly the gap between my sister and I. We’re pretty close now that we’re older.
As for pregnancy timing, it’s so crazy how out of your control it ends up! It took us several months for #1, but we got pretty lucky this time. We planned for it to take a few months, but it happened almost immediately (maybe a little bit too soon?? see how it is never on YOUR timing?).
Tybeechick says
My brother and I are 20 months apart – we were so close in age that people often thought we were twins . Sadly, my brother is on the autism spectrum – we don’t have a close relationship because he is so inwardly-focused and unable to understand how his aloof/cold behavior affects how we feel about him.
I am already 35 and a half, and haven’t had any children yet. I think that we may just have one. My husband and I each have a disabled sibling for whom we will be responsible once our parents (all over 65 now) are no longer able, so I think the most I could realistically handle in addition to that would be one child of our own.
If I had to hypothetically plan for two kids, I think I’d wait until the older was in kindergarten, so a 5-6 year age gap. Because then there would be more 1 on 1 bonding time with the second child. Can you tell I was a second child who has maybe two baby pictures compared to my brother with several albums full? 🙂
Heather @ What Does She Do All Day? says
My older sister and I are only 1 year apart and it was a bit of a problem in high school. It was hard on her when I was in the same class as her, involved in the same activities, etc. She always felt like I was stepping on her toes. My younger sister and I are 4 years apart and we never had that issue. My girls are 2.5 years apart and so far the span has been great. Big sister loves to be a helper and little sister tries to keep up. It’s been a lot of fun watching them together. I hope they continue to like each other as much as they do now!
Sarah says
“…the mini-pill is best used and most effective in combination with nursing…”
This might have some anecdotal truth to it, but if you read the prescription literature, it is completely false.
I have been on the mini-pill for nearly 3 years with no babies and no nursing. It can most certainly be used with the same success rate in women who are not nursing as long as they follow the instructions. It is a good option for women like me with sensitivity to estrogen birth control.
Emily says
This is a late comment but mum spaced my brother and my sister out 1 year and 4 months apart each pregnancy (patterned fertility?) and I was the oldest. anyway I get on well with my sister who is 2 years and 8 months younger than me, but my brother (the middle child) and I still verbally fight like cat and dog. It may be the age closeness, but it may also be because my sister relates so well to me. Don’t be disheartened if you have another girl because sisterly bonds are soooo strong and last forever <3 I'm so glad you're sharing another pregnancy with us.
Sarah says
Hey Brittany! I just stumbled on your blog and love it! Congratulations on baby #2! I have a question. In this post you mentioned some dietary changes. Do you mind explaining what you did? My husband and I have been trying for 6 months for #3. My cycles are all over the place, and all tests (hormone levels, etc.) have come back normal. The next step is Clomid, but I’d really like to try something else first. I am very active and generally eat well. Thanks for any tips!
Amy @ {Life to the Full} says
My siblings had around a 3 year gap in between each other and we loved being able to play as siblings and friends!
Personally, my husband and I would like to have our babies closer together, BUT I think my body has other plans… My son is 10 1/2 months and though we are trying for #2 (excuse the TMI), I think we won’t have much success until I wean our son first. Only God knows! We just keep praying for more little ones 🙂