Hello and happy Monday; I hope y’all had a nice weekend! We had a date night at 90Novanta on Friday evening after a meeting our financial adviser. Hailey had a basketball game on Saturday, then we spent the evening with friends.
They recently moved and invited us over for dinner. It was so much fun seeing their new home, but also just taking time to hang out and chat, eat, and laugh while the kids ran amok. Plus, Mike makes a mean cocktail. I mean, I don’t even like gin, but this was tasty!
We stayed out late! The girls ended up climbing into their own beds at 11:00 PM, a mere 4 hours after their normal bedtimes. Needless to say, we paid for it Sunday, but sometimes those nights are worth it. While Kaitlyn bounded out of bed around 7:30 AM, only a few minutes past her normal, Hailey was out. It seriously took me a few minutes of shaking her around 8:30 AM to rouse her in the slightest.
Girlfriend loves her sleep.
That morning had me thinking about kids and sleep in general. I’ve always been fairly strict on the amount of sleep our girls get and for the most part I still am. Of course exceptions happen, and Saturday night was certainly worth it, but on the regular we are firm when it comes to how we handle sleep around here.
In our house, for both girls (ages 6 and 3 1/2), we have a 7:00 PM bedtime. Sometimes in the summer it edges closer to 7:30 PM. I really don’t know when we will change this. According to the National Sleep Foundation, children need the following amount of sleep:
This chart rings true in our house, with Hailey needing more on the high end and Kaitlyn being a little closer to the lower end. However, if either one drops below their threshold for even one night, it’s obvious. They become more emotional, quicker to lose their cool, more whiny, and they struggle with getting quality rest the next night. I also see a quick drop in the strength of their immune systems if we go more than one night being short on sleep. Read how we keep their immune systems strong here.
So to keep sleep a priority, here are our kid sleep rules:
- 7:00 PM bedtime. We usually eat dinner between 5:30/6:00, then it’s straight to brushing teeth, going potty, reading books, and in bed no later than 7:15 PM.
- They may read in bed. They are allowed to read until they fall asleep. We don’t have a cut off time established at this point, but we’ll consider it if it gets out of hand. Hailey got a new book light for Christmas that has two different light settings, and the dimmer one is perfect for bedtime reading.
- We cut off naps. Honestly, this isn’t a big issue for us anymore since neither one of our girls nap, but when they did, we would not let them sleep later than 4:00 PM. That way they’d be ready for bed on time.
- Not allowed out of their room until 7:00 AM. Here’s what I’ve noticed: Kaitlyn will sometimes wake up at 6:30 AM, and when she was younger it would sometimes be earlier (5:15 AM, I’m looking at you). However, this doesn’t mean she is ready to get up for the day and oftentimes she will go back to sleep with a gentle reminder that the day has not started yet. However sometimes she wakes up early and doesn’t go back to sleep. Though it isn’t ideal, she still is not allowed out of her room before 7:00 AM. Both girls are allowed to read books or quietly play until it’s time to get up.
- We limit evening activities. Hailey has basketball practice one night a week from 5:30-6:30 PM. I totally understand that an earlier practice time doesn’t make sense and we can swing this one night a week with Hailey now at 6 years old. However, more than that would be too much at this point.
All these work really well for us. However, I am finding myself in a new pickle on the other side of the challenge- Hailey wanting to sleep late! With homeschooling, we are fortunate to have some flexibility, but she literally slept to 9:15 AM the other day, which while comical to me, isn’t going to work on a regular basis. I’m trying to decide an appropriate wake up time and am leaning towards 8:00 AM (though I won’t lie, when I wake her she often gives me the mom whyyyyyy). Anyone have any advice in this area? I believe a consistent bedtime and wake up time is important, and need to just figure out what wake up time makes the most sense.
Whew, you know you are a mom when you can talk about kids and sleep to no end!
So chat with me-
What sleep guidelines work for your family?
What are your biggest struggles when it comes to sleep?
Ali says
We are kindred souls on this matter. Sleep is a priority for immune systems, moods and for hubby and I to have a little time alone. With a 6 & 9 year old and school days (up at 625 but soon moving to 6:15 because of another reason) we have to be strict on bed time. Our older DD seems to be able to stay up until 9 and get up at 7 (non school days) which is 10 hours. But school nights she usually reads from 745/8 to 8:30 and then has to be up by 615 or so. She always wants to stay up later but most of the time is alssep by 9. Our younger girl is lights out at 7:30/740 and non school days can get up at 7 but school days is earlier. Even though hey are both in that same 6-13 range my younger definitely needs more sleep.
Anyway- in terms of Hailey, I think an alarm for 8am would be a good idea. I Think 9 AM is too late honestly because they’re often things that you need to be at by 9 AM and I think a routine week time is important. 9 AM is often the beginning of a soccer game, church service, preschool start time,… have you tried an alarm so you aren’t the mean one? That’s another thing that differs between my two. One wants to be woken up and then left alone to get ready in the dark on her own. But this one is my FAST morning mover. She might want to be alone but she gets down to business. The other one wants to be woken up and then given help or cuddling. She’s slow. Takes forever to complete each step, including eating. Anyway…. love seeing sisters (raised by the same parents in the same house) show their differences.
John J. says
Good for you on having this reasonable schedule and being consistent with it. Kids need routines and consistency. Moving forward how are you going to handle bed time as your kids get older and Hailey probably wants/needs to stay up later than her baby sister, Kaitlyn?
Brittany Dixon says
The funny thing is Hailey wants/needs sleep more than Kaitlyn, so I fear it’s going to be the opposite-ha! We’ll see. One day at a time!
Cassie says
I am the same way. I tend to need 8.5 to 9 myself. Little miss is 2.5 and I wake her at 7am, 1pm to 3pm nap that she’s 85% consistent about, then 730/745pm to bed. We have a hard time getting her in bed any earlier since that’s daddy play time and my shower time. But I would probably let her sleep till 8 or 830 am when she drops her nap…. please never! Ha.
Emily says
Felix has always been on the low end of the sleep needs scale, but I’m such a stickler for routine, too. We have had family staying with us for the last 6 weeks though and the grandmothers always wants to push bedtime a little later every night! We are biting the bullet and adding preschool into the schedule a couple of days a week next month, so I’m hoping that adds more normalcy to our schedules.
Kathy says
We have an almost 4 year old who sleeps from 8pm-7/8am. Our biggest challenge is both my husband and myself working outside the home. We already feel like we barely see him as-is, I can’t imagine moving his bedtime any earlier.
Brittany Dixon says
My best friend is the same way! She gets home from work late and likes to have time to hang out with her kiddos. For me, I’m ready for some quiet 😉
Kathy says
I totally get it!!
Marci Gilbert says
My boys temporarily share a room while our home is being repaired from hurricane Harvey and their sleep is just awful. They keep each other up and wake each other up way too early. It is bad! Rules, stickers, bribery, green light clock, nothing works. Enjoy your quiet nights!
Brittany Dixon says
Sharing a room is challenging from what we’ve experienced too! We had Hailey and Kaitlyn and my niece (4) in a room together over Christmas. After a tough first night, we ended up putting Kaitlyn to sleep in our room, then moving her after she fell asleep. We’ve done this on vacation too and it works really well!
Maureen says
We have two kids 5.5 & 9.5, our youngest is in bed at 7 and asleep within just a few minutes and sleeps until 6am-6:30am. He went through a phase about a year ago where he was trying to get out of bed a bit earlier (5:30, then 5:15) and like you we made a rule that he can’t get out of bed until 6am. Interestingly enough, once we put a clock in his room he went back to sleeping until 6 pretty easily and it hasn’t been an issue. For a solid year then he woke up at 6am on the dot but now is somewhere between 6-6:30am.
Our oldest also had a 7pm bedtime until about 8 years old when we noticed her going to bed but not falling asleep until much closer to 8pm or later. We slowly transitioned her to an 8pm bedtime and she was sleeping until 6:30. Over the last month though we notice her needing more sleep and though we still go with the 8pm bedtime she is sleeping until just about 7am (sometimes 7:15 being woken up to get ready for various things!!).
We are sticklers for bedtime, and always have been but it’s been interesting to see the routines and amounts of sleep change over time.
Brittany Dixon says
I agree- it’s interesting to see how things shift and change through different stages. I love how things are going for us right now so it will be interesting to see how things change as Hailey gets older and wants to stay up later.
Rebecca says
Your girls have great sleep habits! I reread their babyhood posts as my daughter hits each month and am always jealous of their great naps. I am working on getting my 10 month old to nap in her crib, and fall asleep without nursing. We’ve only been doing the widely accepted magic bed time of 7/8 pm during the winter, because in the summer that was when it was cool enough to go out for a family walk. I have no doubt you and Hailey can figure out a good sleep schedule for this stage of life with the good foundations she has and your love of consistency.
Brittany Dixon says
Family walks are the best! It is hard to find a routine that always works as the seasons and life circumstances change. But family walks can never be a bad thing 🙂
Devika Boulio says
Love this! With my 1st grader we have a fairly strict 7pm bedtime and friends think I’m nuts!! But like you said if she deviates from that bedtime we pay for it all day the next day and end up with a 6pm bedtime (sometimes even earlier if she’s in super rare form!)
Appreciate not being the only bedtime drill Sargent!! 🙂
Brittany Dixon says
Haha, sleep sergeants unite! I’ve been picked on here and there too for my strict sleep habits, but it really does make a huge difference in the way things run in our household.
Laura says
My 4 year old pretty much always sleeps 10 hours, from 9 to 7 school nights which seems to be sufficient (he never naps, even for long car rides… a long car ride is my litmus test for seeing if my kids are getting enough sleep). If he stays up a little later on the weekend he will typically sleep in until 8 or so and get the same amount. My 1 year old is a little party animal. Not going to lie- he rang in the New Year with us! He slept in past 10 on New Year’s day. It’s probably a good thing that my family is forced up early during the week or we’d all be sleeping in way too late. So I probably don’t have any good advice, seeing as I allow sleeping in on weekends (usually up still by 7:30 or 8). It’s extended breaks that get a bit out of hand, but my kids adjust to the school schedule within a day or so. I definitely believe in the importance of sleep, however my husband and I are more in the relaxed side of it. If our kids lose a little one night they end up making up for it the next. I’ve always found with my kids that the more tired they are, the better and more they sleep. This goes against the advice of pretty much every sleep book I’ve browsed, which is why I pretty much ignored sleep books. As with everything, I don’t think there are any hard and fast rules that apply to all kids, as they are all so different. I think Hailey’s love of sleep is truly awesome! Does sleeping in affect her bedtime? If not much, maybe it’s fine?
Laura says
Also, reading about your girls made me reminisce about growing up with my older sister. I was the youngest but always the last to fall asleep. My parents had a very strict bedtime and I remember lying awake on balmy summer nights, feeling like I was missing something and wishing I could be outside experiencing the sunset. I am what I call a functioning night owl, and have been for as long as I can remember. Sleep schedules are great for structure and the parent’s sanity, but I believe we’ll all eventually lean towards our individual preference. By high school when bedtime was a thing of the past I remember burning the midnight oil more than once, typing up a last minute term paper due in the early morning. My older sister was (and still to this day is) almost always asleep before me!
Brittany Dixon says
I remember you saying that before- that you always felt like you were missing out on something! I love how you call yourself a functioning night owl 🙂
Irene says
I wish I had accepted that some kids need to be *tired* to go to sleep way earlier! My kid had always hated going to bed and so many people told me she must be over tired i kept trying to put her to bed earlier- and then she’d just have more energy to scream at me longer! I finally got smart when she would drop a nap and be willing to go right to sleep but it took me longer than it should have. Kids are just so different!
Megan says
What size bed do your girls sleep in? My 3 year old is in a twin bed, but she prefers to sleep on a mattress on the floor next to her bed. I think maybe a twin is too small/she’s afraid of falling out, and I’m considering getting a bigger bed but not sure how that will go!
Brittany Dixon says
Kaitlyn has a full and Hailey was sleeping on the top bunk (a twin) until about last week when she said she was too big for it and moved to the bottom bunk (I believe a full? maybe a queen?).
Lacey says
What happens if they have to use the restroom when they wake up, but it’s earlier than 7am? Do they go out and use the restroom then go back to their rooms until 7am? My friend’s kid would always use the restroom as an excuse to get out of her room earlier than the designated time haha. She’d spend a lot of time “using the restroom.”
My daughter is 2 but she’s a total night owl. She usually goes to bed around 11pm. She gets plenty of sleep, it’s just sometimes at odd hours.
Brittany Dixon says
Oh yes, kids are tricky like that! Yes, if mine have to go potty, they go, then it’s right back to bed.
Irene Barojas says
I can’t find the balance
We use to put them to bed at 7pm and that was working for a while but last year when summer hit I expanded it to 8pm to get in more outside time and we haven’t been able to get back to 7 since. I have a 6 year old morning person and a 4 and 1 year old that aren’t morning people . My 6 year old is the only one in the family that is a morning person and it kills us all haha. My 6 year and 1 year old will ahpily go to sleep at 8 and the oldest is up by 6 haha. NO MATTER WHAT TIME HE GOES TO BED on the other hand our girl, 4, will sometimes stay up playing when put to bed others will be out before I hit the door . But she is not ready to get up in the morning. I can’t find the balance. I want to change them all to 7 but u can’t afford my 6 year old getting up even earlier.
Brittany Dixon says
Haha, I don’t think it’s easy (or sometimes even possible!) to line kids up on sleep. My niece has always been a night owl, and she had to get her own room because she would stay up to 10:00+ just chatting and keeping her siblings awake. I love where we are right now because it lines up nicely, but it will be interesting to see how things change as they grow 🙂
Elizabeth says
How do you keep them in their rooms in the morning? My son is 3 and up at the crack of dawn every day.
Brittany Dixon says
It’s always been a household rule so they don’t know any different, though it has taken several times of going up and putting Kaitlyn back in her room. I just tell her it’s not morning yet and she can come out when there is a 7 on the clock – though she even learned to push the buttons and make it say 7, so we had to nip that in the bud 😉
Erica says
My kids do pretty well too! Baby (10 months) sleeps 7:00(ish)-7:30 with 2 naps. Toddler (2.5 years) sleeps 8-7:30 with a nap from 1-2:30/3:00. I would like my toddler to go to bed earlier, but my husband likes the 8 p.m. bedtime and that last hour is all HIM. He plays with our toddler, does bath, and tucks him into bed. After I tuck in the baby, I go exercise. It’s not my favorite time of day for exercise, but it works the best with breastfeeding and their schedules right now. I think what really helps is keeping things consistent 7 days a week. I imagine this must be hard for people who are up early for daycare during the week and then want to sleep in on the weekend. My dad was such a morning person…he’d be up banging around the house on the weekends so I never got to sleep in growing up! Have you tried vacuuming outside your daughter’s bedroom? 😉
Jennifer says
I am all for the early bedtime…for us that is 8pm. I wish we could do earlier but logistically it doesn’t work out. However my kids FIIIGHTT me so hard on going to bed. It’s literally a battle every night. I know they are tired, but my soon to be 5 year old especially HATES going to bed. She also doesn’t stay asleep…every night she comes to our room for some reason (potty, nightmare, etc). Any advice on that??? 😉 Luckily once my 3 year old is asleep she stays asleep and will play quietly in her room until we come get her.
Jenn says
Oh my gosh, mine are the same way! Bedtime is a fight Every. Single. Night. So you are not alone! Ha! And then sometimes I end up letting then stay up too late because everybody is being so good and I dont want to fight it!
Katie says
We just transitioned my son to a toddler bed and it’s been tough! The reading in bed thing really helps- it’s also SO CUTE when he falls asleep with a book.
Leah says
I’ve always preferred to have a schedule and stick to it. Being consistent on weekends etc too. However, as my oldest has gotten more involved in sports and activities, the younger one has to be flexible and go along to these events. I value the lessons sports have taught him over keeping a strict bedtime. I do miss the days of them in bed early. Those days are gone for me. Boy how I miss naps too!!
Lisa says
My girls are 18 months and almost 5 and we are so anal about bedtime and the younger ones nap time. 7pm bedtime for both! They sleep 7p-7/8a. By 7pm I am so done and need some quiet hahaha. I will sacrifice being out or whatever to maintain the schedule. Friends think I’m crazy or say that their child would never go to bed that early. Mine don’t know any different it’s been bedtime since they were weeks old. Sometimes even earlier. However, I can’t wait for the younger one to get a little older and drop the nap.. daytime freedom!
Brittany Dixon says
Yes to daytime freedom! Kaitlyn dropped her naps earlyyyy and I thought I’d miss them so much (some days I do), but having a WHOLE DAY open is amazing!
Kelli H (Made in Sonoma) says
I found this so intriguing since I’m new to the subject. Camryn is going to bed at 7 pm. We start the process at 6:30 and she’s down by 7. It’s been amazing for us since we can then eat dinner together alone. We’d both love for her to continue on an early bedtime schedule as she gets older too. I need to stay on a better awake schedule with her. It’s just so hard if she wakes up before 7! I just want to put her back down but I should really get up and start the day with her.
Brittany Dixon says
It’s tough when they are so little. I remember bouncing back and forth too on whether to start the day at 6AM or put them back down. It took a lot of trial and error 🙂
Lauren says
Your kids have a great sleep schedule!
Uhgh. My son has always been low on sleep needs. I remember him staring at me as a newborn, when he still should’ve been in the sleepy stage and I had no idea what to do with him!
Now at 4.5, he sleeps 10 hours no matter what, has for the last two years. We typically have him in bed at 8/8:30 and he wakes up by 7am. If he’s up later on the weekend, he sleep the extra hour in the morning which is nice!
When he first started preschool they would try to encourage he nap, using music and patting his back (nice, but NO!!) and he’d be up til 10:30 after a 20 min nap. We nipped that!.
I need 6-7 hours. If I get more than 8, I get a headache that feels like I drank bad wine. I have to force myself up on the weekend when he sleeps in, which is tough!
Lauren says
I’ll also add that it’s really important to us that we have dinner together every night. My husband does Preschool/Daycare pickup and they don’t get home until 6pm. We try to do dinner at 6:30, bath at 7:30, but it’s so tough!
Brittany Dixon says
I really believe kids (and people) have a different sleep needs (to an extent, since I don’t think anyone can truly thrive on 3-4 hours like David used to say he could ;)). Hailey has always needed so much sleep but Kaitlyn truly just doesn’t need it as much. Sounds like you have a sweet, busy, low-sleep need boy on your hands 😉
Laura says
Lauren, it sounds like you are describing my son as well- crazy! Little brother is no different. Getting both asleep by 9 pm is an accomplishment in our house.
Susan says
This has been top of mind in our household lately, as our 3 year old has been waking up a lot during the night and waking us up. Walking her back to her room, press repeat, over the course of hours is exhausting and was not working. We even have a clock that turns green when she can wake up- that doesn’t really work for us. We played around with no nap during this 3 day weekend, and those were the first 3 days of solid sleep we’ve had in a month- it was glorious. Problem is, they nap at daycare. So we have to work with the teachers to see what options we have. If she naps for more than 30 minutes our nights will likely be brutal again. Logistically, my daughter and I get home from work/daycare pickup at 6, dinner at 6:30 so that husband is home and we all eat together, then bath + bed routine and book reading 7-8. She is generally actually asleep by 8:30. And wakeup is between 6 and 6:30 so that we can get out of the house shortly after 7. So she gets maybe 10 hours. You are fortunate to have a bit more flexibility with bedtime/wakeup times. I am fearful that without that nap she isn’t getting enough sleep but I think she’s done with naps.
Brittany Dixon says
Kaitlyn dropped naps before she was 2, so I get the fear of dropping them but I think some kids just drop them faster! We had that OK to Wake clock and we really didn’t like it- ditched it after a week or so, as just seeing a “7” on the clock worked better. Sleep seems like a constant, evolving puzzle; good luck getting daycare to let her drop the nap!
Elsie says
I am very curious about the strategies that you use to keep your kids in their room until 7am. We transitioned our 3 year old to a big boy bed and he comes knocking on our door at 6am or 6:30am. He’s always woken up at this time and goes to bed around 7-8pm, but now that he has free access he comes to get us instead of staying in his room to play until 7am.
Brittany Dixon says
Hailey always stayed in her room because it was the rule (she’s a rule follower!), but Kaitlyn, whew, it took a lot of repetition. I’m pretty stern and when she came out early, I just reminded her that she may not come out until there is a 7 and put her back in bed. If she didn’t stay put, I started to give consequences. We’ve had a couple spells where she pushes her boundaries, but consistency over time has worked overall!
Chantal says
I have three kids and they’re all super affected by sleep schedules, so I’m pretty vigilant about keeping them. Which sucks most days because the two younger ones are napping at different times. But they all go to bed around the same time (7-730).
Kate says
Our kids aren’t allowed up/out of their rooms until 8 am, but we don’t have any morning activities this year (school is in the afternoon) and I’m sure I’ll have to back it up when we need to be somewhere. They also both sleep extra when they’re getting ready to have a growth spurt, but on average they both do about 11-12 hours at night and my 2 year old still takes a 1 1/2-2 1/2 hour nap while big sister is at school.
We usually strive for 7:00/7:30 bedtimes, but I like to leave that more fluid so that if we’re having dinner with friends or grandparents, we don’t have to run out at 6:45 because the kids need to go to bed. I think because we’re consistent and they get enough sleep most of the time, for special occasions we’ve been able to stretch them until 10:00.
We were down from Ohio visiting friends in Charlotte this past weekend, and I really appreciated that my kids made it late so we could all take advantage of the very limited time we had to visit. They watched way too much tv on the road, ate terrible food and didn’t sleep enough, but it only took 2 full days to recover. Their sleep is back to normal, they’ve resigned to the fact that the junk food they get on the road is unacceptable at home, and stopped asking to watch tv since I cut them off until at least Friday 🙂
Emily says
I’ve always been a sleep stickler, too. Even though my husband and I both work FT. Kids really, really need sleep. And even on the nights they stay up a little later than normal due to a night out or dinner or whatever, they wake up same time – so I’d rather them get the extra sleep. Parker (1st grade) has always been my earlier riser and is up between 6 and 630. Avery (4.5) used to sleep until 8 but now that she’s napping less (still 3-4x a week) she’s waking between 630-7. SO, they’re both in bed by 730pm. Parker is usually lights out, sometimes Avery will roll around til after 8 on the days she naps. Thankfully, they play independently in their own rooms until I come get them at 7am.
Emmy says
I had a good chuckle with the last picture. It reminded me of my kids pretending to sleep when I peek in their rooms 15 minutes after I told them to go to bed.
I never thought of making rules, which is probably why I had a hard time getting them to sleep.