It’s the time of year that we return to structure, schedules, and afternoon and evening activities. Both co-op and soccer begin today for us! I’ve given a lot of thought to how the coming weeks are going to look and flow, but one thing I haven’t had to give much thought to is bedtime. That’s because even though we had the occasional summer nights that kept us all up late, for the most part, our sleep schedule stays rather consistent. Similar to eating well, we pay for it if we get too far off track. Sometimes people’s eyes pop out when I tell them our girls go to bed at 7:00, but here’s a little insight into why we choose that and how we’ve made it work.
We started the 7:00 PM bedtime a couple years ago, and now at ages 4 and almost 7 years old, we still aim for bed at 7:00 PM most nights. Sure, sometimes it creeps up to 7:20 PM and there are some fun summer nights that result in 10:00 PM bedtimes, but for the most part, our girls are tucked into bed by 7:15 PM. Quite often, they fall right asleep too, though sometimes they will stay up reading or looking at books for another 30 or 45 minutes before drifting off.
We love a consistent and early bedtime for many reasons. First and foremost, I am a HUGE believer in the importance of sleep. It’s vital to keep a strong immune system, but it also does wonders with keeping attitudes in check and behavior consistent. I heard recently (I have not verified it, so take it for what it’s worth) that when children lose just a single hour off their needed full amount of sleep, their behavior regresses by 2 years the next day. For example: if Hailey (6) goes to bed one hour later, but gets up at the same time, her ability to handle herself the next day is more on par with a 4 year old, rather than the 6 year old she is. Again, is this scientifically proven? I have no idea, but it seems to describe the scene in our house pretty accurately if the girls get behind on sleep.
Some actual science of the important of sleep though? I’m sure you are aware that there is no shortage of that. Multiple studies have found that kids who go to bed later take longer to fall asleep than kids who go to sleep earlier; they also wake up more frequently in the middle of the night, then don’t sleep late enough to make up for their deficit. I remember when the girls were babies always hearing that “sleep begets sleep” and now, almost 7 years into parenting, I’m a fanatic believer. I’ve heard people say that their kids could never go to bed at 7:30 because they are too wired, but when kids are sleep-deprived, their bodies (and our adult bodies, too) actually release hormones including cortisol and adrenaline, which gives them an extra boost of energy. So that nighttime craziness is most likely actually proof of them being overtired. I definitely can see this with Hailey, as when she is overtired, she gets “loopy,” or very energetic but with a crazed look in her eyes.
Secondly, an earlier bedtime works well for David and me because it gives us some time in the evenings for us. Usually the girls are down and the kitchen is cleaned up by 7:45/8:00 PM. This gives us at the minimum a solid hour to catch up, chill out, and just enjoy some adult time together. David leaves early in the mornings and I’m busy with homeschool and living that mom life, so having an hour to debrief and connect is really important to the strength of our marriage, even if some nights it just looks like two exhausted people lying on the couch watching a show together.
So great, it’s clear I’m a stickler for kid sleep. But how have I made this actually work on a consistent basis for our family? I’ve been asked that a few times and am happy to share what has worked well for us. As always though, I know every family works differently. For example, my best friend doesn’t get home from work until 9:00 PM some nights and her 7 and 4 year old stay up so she can see and spend a little time with them before bed. That works for them and I think that’s awesome. Clearly I don’t think there is one right way to do things, but for the sake of sharing, here is how we established the sleep habits in our home, and how we’ve made early bedtimes and consistent sleep patterns work for us.
We established that nighttime is sacred from the very beginning. Starting from the day the girls were born, we’ve treated nighttime differently than day time. When I nursed, changed diapers, rocked back to sleep, we always did it silently and in the dark. From day one, we’ve tried to establish the fact that nighttime means dark, quiet, and sleep. We’ve never turned on lights, read books, or had snacks during the night, so my kids don’t know any differently.
We stick to a bedtime routine. We were excellent at this when the girls were babies and toddlers. Dinner, bath, books, and bed was as second nature as breathing at one point; we didn’t dare break from it in fear of screwing up the system. Now, our routine has changed slightly, and is a little more relaxed, but it still exists. Dinner, pajamas, brush teeth, books, bed. Usually we eat around 5:30 and that takes about 30 minutes or so. Then the girls clear their plates, brush their teeth, but on pajamas, and we all go into the playroom to read books together. Some nights if David is home, we will split and I’ll read to one girl in her bed, and David will read to the other in hers.
We are firm about our bedtime rules. Once we tuck them in, “nighttime” has officially begun. They are allowed to read (or look at books for Kaitlyn) and Hailey is allowed to write in her journal, but that’s it. Overhead lights must be out. It’s time to be quiet (no singing or dancing, Kaitlyn). You are not allowed out of your room (bathroom is an exception).
I think it’s important to note that some of this came easy to Hailey. She was the one that when she switched from a crib to a big girl bed, would still play in bed and wait for us to come get her in the morning or after naps. Kaitlyn has taken more consistent effort. There have been several nights of walking her back to her room when she tries to continuously come back out. She’s also the queen of “one more book” pleading and then screaming when the answer is no. However, I’m a believer that sticking by my word is important, and over time staying consistent has payid off.
For the most part, the girls know what to expect now and there isn’t really any push back. I wonder how it will change in the upcoming years, but I figure we will cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, Hailey (age 6, almost 7) usually falls asleep around 7:45/8:00 PM and wakes up around 7:30/8:00 AM. Kaitlyn (4) varies a little more, but for the most part is asleep by 7:15 PM and wakes up at 7:15 AM (no naps).
I’d love to hear how sleep works at your house!
What are your bedtime struggles? Strengths?
Have you changed bedtimes as your kids have gotten older?
If you have more than one child, do they go to bed at different times?
How do you manage that?
Rachel says
I could not agree more. Our 7 and a half year old goes to bed around 7:15 and reads until 7:45 (this gets pushed about half an hour to an hour in the summer) and wakes up at about 7:30. She’s always needed a lot of sleep, but I think all kids actually do. If she goes to a (rare) sleepover or has stayed up really late, she naps the next day. Yes, naps! We have a deal that she can stay up and do whatever fun thing it is, but that the next day she needs to be honest with us about how she’s feeling. Every single time, she’s told us she’s tired and taken the exact length of nap to make up for the missed sleep.
Brittany Dixon says
I love that she is so in tune with her own sleep needs; that is seriously impressive! I can get ours to nap after a couple late nights in a row (like vacation), and I always get so excited when they do! 🙂
Monica says
I wish we could do an early bedtime – but our schedule is closer to that of your friend. We usually eat dinner around 6:45 (that’s the earliest I can manage after commuting, picking up the little guy, and cooking dinner) then we still have bath and some time to unwind for him afterward (otherwise his life would be comprised entirely of daycare and sleep). I’m so glad you can do your thing and stay home and homeschool! 🙂
Jeannie says
HI
When the girls read in bed ..do they use a night light since lights are out?
Brittany Dixon says
Kaitlyn has a regular nightlight in the wall that gives her enough light, but as she gets older we will probably get her the same bed light that Hailey has. It has a dim light feature that’s really nice! https://amzn.to/2whL4DC
Ashley M / neverhomemaker says
We treat sleep the same exact way in our house from the beginning. I’m very strict! A 7PM bedtime is too early for Stephen’s coaching schedule so we aim for 7:30-7:45, and it works. Of course, Eloise isn’t totally abiding by it but we stay the course. Same with wake up. Ada tends to sleep 7:45/8 till 7:15-7:30. If she wakes before 7, she is to stay in her room. I also try keeping Eloise in her room till 7 even if she is fussy if she woke too early. On a good day, though, she sleeps 7:45-7:15/7:30.
Brittany Dixon says
We do the “stay in your room until 7:00 AM” thing too! It was a struggle to get Kaitlyn to follow that, but it’s going pretty well now. Any secrets to keeping Eloise in her room if she wakes up early?
John J. says
Excellent article about an important mental health topic. Enough sleep (kids need a lot!), structure, and consistency are key here. Congrats on “walking your talk”and spreading the word!
Lisa says
Same to everything! My girls (5 and 2) go to bed at 7pm, sometimes 6:30pm, every night! Friends can’t believe my kids go to bed so early and theirs stay up until like 10! I can’t imagine how tired they are? Also when I hear that I’m like “but don’t you need Time to yourself or time with your husband?” Early bedtime is the best thing ever!
Jess says
I’ve always been super strict on bedtime, and early bedtimes. Our kids also turn into crazy wired giggling monsters when overtired. Unfortunately, my firstborn has always been on the low end of normal for hours of sleep she needs – she’ll be 5 in less than a month and she sleeps 10.5 hours max no matter what time she goes to bed (I had to abandon our 7/7:30pm bedtime after finally accepting that the 4:30/5am wake-ups weren’t just a symptom of summer’s arrival). So she’s usually asleep by 8pm and up at 6:30am. If she seems tired, we shift to an earlier bedtime for a week or so but that means a 6am or earlier start. Luckily, my second born seems more typical, he’s almost 2.5 and will sleep about 11.5 hours overnight plus a 2+ hour nap during the day. Thank goodness! My experience with my two very different kids has taught me that all kids are so different in what they need.
Brittany Dixon says
Same in our house, Jess! Hailey has always been my child that needs more sleep while we joke that Kaitlyn can hang so much better- haha 😉 I love your point about different needs for different kids; thanks for your comment!
Jessica says
Yep, 7:15 bedtime here for my 6 year old son and 4 year old daughter. There is lots of talk of needing to “get kids back on a school morning bedtime/schedule” but we continue ours through the summer. So no need. Maybe when they are older, but for now, bedtime and evenings are also very sacred in our house.
Angie says
We have the exact same set up! Our kids go to bed around the same time. Some of the best advice I received was setting up a consistent bedtime routine and putting them to bed early. I am totally tell when they go to bed late. Also, if they go to bed late they definitely don’t sleep in the next day to make up for it. Our boys also have belly lights. It’s a stuffed animal with a light in the belly and it stays on for 10 min. It’s great for our 5 year old because he can read and I don’t have to worry about turning a light off later.
Brittany Dixon says
Oh I love the sound of belly lights! I’ll have to check those out. Sounds like a great fit for Kaitlyn! Thanks 🙂
Taryn says
We love early bedtimes and always have. However, I find this to be pretty stressful during the weeks (especially when we add in evening activities and homework). How do you manage when the girls have something in the late afternoon/early evening? This year my 7-year old will have twice a week activities, and my 5-year old once a week. I always find I am rushing the whole “bedtime routine” and my kids definitely push back and dig their heels in when they see me doing that. We have tried the “shower before dinner” thing – when it works it’s amazing. But after a long day at school/camp, I find my kids want to just chill instead of being rushed to shower and do their homework. I think it will be an ever-evolving process, but I definitely find the kids need their sleep and act better when they are rested.
As an aside, my Reagan (recently turned 5) sounds a lot like your Kaitlyn. Life of the party, always demanding “one more,” pushes back when pushed, etc. When she doesn’t get sleep – watch out! And she seems to need a solid 12 hours of sleep because she doesn’t nap. So she needs to be asleep no later than 7pm in order for her to be up at 7am for school/camp. Definitely a challenge.
Brittany Dixon says
Soccer starts this week for Hailey and she won’t be back home until close to 7:15 most likely. I’m planning to give her a snack beforehand, then have her shower right when she gets home while I make her a quick and easy dinner (whether that is leftover of whatever we had or ready pasta and marinara :)). It will definitely still be a late bedtime, but I’m hoping she’ll be cleaned, fed, and in bed by 8:00/8:15. Fingers crossed!
Rose says
Honestly? I’ve followed your blog for years and your posts about sleep drive me bonkers. Sleep is not a one size fits all solution and it’s frustrating to watch parents of kids who sleep more hours try to preach to others. For example, my child will never sleep more than 10-10.5 hours straight. (He’s younger and still naps 1-2 hours) – I was following general advice like this on the internet and putting him to bed every night at 7 and couldn’t understand why he was up at 5am everyday. Keep him up till 8/8:30 and he’ll gladly sleep till 6:30 the next morning. You don’t think I’d love an hour or two with my husband in the evening? You think I don’t wish my kid would sleep more? Of course I would! But kids are all different and not all of them need as much sleep as others.
Brittany Dixon says
Hi Rose, I can hear your frustration. I always add a disclaimer to these kinds of parenting posts because if there is one thing I’ve learned over the past seven years of being a mom, is that every family is different. So take what might be helpful for you, and completely leave behind what doesn’t fit. I’ve learned the best tips and tricks from people sharing what works for them, so it’s in that spirit that I’m happy to open up about our early bedtimes! I’m glad you have figured out what works best for your family and sharing it in the comments is probably really helpful to other mamas with the same struggle, so I always welcome and appreciate you sharing what works for you too.
Laura says
It sounds like you definitely have a great thing going with your bedtime routines! We do things quite different in my house, but as the saying goes, good for you, not for me (I think this saying is so applicable to many aspects related to raising children!). We often sit down for dinner at 6:30, and finish around 7 or after. I will say though, even if we happen to have an earlier dinner, I let the boys ride their bikes in the backyard past 8 pm some school nights. We start our bedtime process around 8:30- 8:45, and they are usually asleep around 9 or just after. They both get up around 6:45 so we can leave by 7 (they eat breakfast at daycare/ preschool so there is not much they need to do to get ready). I know for some kids this isn’t enough sleep, but I’ll say mostly they are well behaved (as far as 2 and 4 year olds go!) and don’t fall asleep during car rides. It doesn’t seem to matter if they stay up a little later on weekends, they will sleep in and end up getting the same amount of sleep (just shy of 10 hours). My 2 year old naps for 20 minutes at daycare. If he naps any longer, he is very difficult to get to bed at night. Last night, my 4 year old was threading intricate seed beads by hand until 8:45, so definitely not acting crazy/ hyper/ overtired and they both sleep through the night most every night. Growing up, I had a very early bedtime as well, until I reached a certain age and my parents left it up to me (once I was old enough to understand the consequence of staying up too late). I don’t remember exactly what age that was, but by middle school I was randomly staying up quite late in my room and by high school I recall burning the midnight oil, typing up research papers. Needless to say, the early bedtime never stuck with me, although my older sister was opposite. I think it’s just the way we are wired. One more thing- as a teacher I feel like I have the luxury of experiencing both working and stay at home mom. During the summer months when I’m home and the sun sets so late, our bedtime shifts later (10:30 pm or later to bed, same amount of sleep at night since we can “sleep in”). It feels like a natural shift, and my husband is lucky to be able to go into work later/ work later during that time so he can sleep in a bit later as well.
Brittany Dixon says
Thanks so much for sharing what works for y’all, Laura! I think it’s so helpful to read about what works for different families because there definitely isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution for anything with parenthood 🙂
And teens are a totally different story. It’s going to be an interesting phase for us when I’m ready for bed at 9:00 and the girls are staying up until midnight! Ha!
Ashley says
Years ago, I read the book Nurtureshock. It referenced the study that that you mentioned (two year regression), but it also talked about swing sleep (7:00 bedtime during the week and 9:00 bedtime on the weekends). For every hour of swing sleep, children exchange 7 IQ points on Monday morning. Ever since I read that book, my husband and I have been super strict on bedtimes, and our children (7 and 4) are so much better for it.
If you haven’t read Nurtureshock, I highly recommend it. I think you’d like it.
Brittany Dixon says
I’m going to put this book on my library list now; thanks for the recommendation! Sounds really interesting!
Ali says
The timing of this couldn’t be better. What are our bedtime struggles? We were the model of bedtime perfection until a couple of months ago. Now we are stuck in an overtired loop with our 3.5 year old (I think he is in a weird zone of needing an afternoon nap but it messing everything up{, and we need to come up with a game plan to break the cycle. It goes like this: Kiddo wakes up early (6am), is tired and requires a midday nap to avoid armageddon at dinnertime. We cap the nap at 1 hour. Come bedtime, kiddo is not tired because of said nap, and cannot fall asleep at a reasonable time – finally falls asleep around 830. Because he is now overtired and full of cortisol, he wakes up early. Aaaaand repeat. We’ve tried cutting the nap cold turkey and moving bedtime up, but after a few days he is an absolute mess. We put him in bed at 7, but he sings and talks to himself for up to TWO HOURS before falling asleep. And the 6am wakeups are killing me because I’m also up in the night with the baby. UGH. Hopefully he transitions out of the phase soon!
Leah says
We were having a similar problem with my newly 4 year old. Now that she has started prek her nap has been cut for good and that has helped some. But the past few weeks we have started using a clock with white noise that starts at 7:50. She goes in her room when it starts and lays down. She now falls asleep within 10-20 minutes instead of laying in bed singing and talking for an hour or two. I think the white noise helps to shut off her brain some. Maybe it is also an age thing because she did just turn 4. Hang in there!
Alex says
Thanks for the support! I love the white noise machine in theory, but he has entirely refused it since his lite sister arrived. She uses a white noise machine, so apparently they are only for babies. Sigh.
Brittany Dixon says
Oh Ali, I’m sorry! I really think it’s the age/transition period like Leah said, too! Kaitlyn dropped naps way early (like before she was two, which was insane) and we went through something similar. There was no real solution. We just stuck to no naps and an early bedtime (sometimes 6:00/6:30 but that hour before bedtime was WHINY) and over time it worked itself out, but we had several weeks that were pretty exhausting for all of us while she made that transition. Sending good luck and coffee your way!!
Ali says
Whew, glad to hear it’s not a permanent state of affairs 🙂 Our baby seems to be moving through the nap transitions far earlier than our first – can I ask when Kaitlyn dropped to one nap?
Brittany Dixon says
Oh gosh, Kaitlyn dropped it just before she turned 2 I think? She’s never needed as much sleep as Hailey (who napped until she was 5!)
marie says
Preach. We do an early bedtime (dinner, bath, books, bed….is our mantra!) lights out by 7:30 for school year, 8pm during summer. It is hard living in an active kid neighborhood — where many kids run around late into the night. The peer pressure to “let your kids be kids” is tough. It just doesn’t work for us. We are early risers, and leave the house early — when other kids are sleeping! We need to get her to bed, she’s almost 7 and has always been an awesome sleeper. It works for us. Thanks for this post, it was a good one and made me feel like I’m not crazy for doing early bedtime for a 1st grader!
Leah says
We are the crazy people in the neighborhood who have our kids in bed by 7:30 and they are normally asleep by 8:00. Our neighbors always make comments about it. It is normal for my kids because I have always been a stickler for bed time, it is the only way I can have a conversation with my husband in quiet. We are also pretty strict about nap time on the weekends (during the week they are in daycare). But the naps are for my benefit. If we are home during nap time they have to go in their rooms for quiet time.
Jen says
I think it’s a little different in households with both parents working outside the home. Usually the time right after dinner is spent playing/catching up and not rushing off to bed or we wouldn’t hardly see the kids all day. We still do try to get them in bed by 8 (older 6 year old takes a bit to settle in to sleep but the 4 year old is quite fast).
Megan says
Yes! I love all of this! We are an early bedtime household and I totally feel the pressure to extend it all the time. But it works. Kiddo gets the sleep he needs and mamma gets the time she needs to herself in the evenings.
Keep doing what works for you and your sweet girls!
Chantal says
My kids are in bed usually between 6:30 and 7 every night, and yes, I get some weird comments about it. It’s taken some sacrifices – I don’t typically attend family things that start past 5:30, unless we really have to. We eat dinner early. Baths early. In bed when the sun is still up, sometimes. BUT my kids wake up EARLY (like typically before 6am) so they need an early bedtime. I don’t hate it. I’m an early riser too, and would rather have the chill time in the PM.
Kelly Pierce says
I am a firm believer in consistent bedtimes as well. I am a grandmother to a 6 yo and 3 yo. I have custody of them and they live with me. However, the girls orher side of the family do not adhere to my bedtime, which is 830pm, period. Its making this school year very hard to get started because the 6yo, who is in 1st grade, is exhausted from the summer because the ither side disregarded my bedtimes. She gets up at 700am. Little one is right behind her. Any advice on how to get the other side of the family to listen to my bedtimes? They go over practically every weekend and come home just exhausted. And cranky. Any advice?
Katie @ Live Half Full says
This comes at the perfect time!!! We have let bedtime slack this summer and my almost 3 year old has crept to going to bed at almost 9:00! I try to go to bed by 10:00 and am really struggling with the lack of “me time” at night. This has inspired me to get back at it, especially as we get into the threes behavior and sick season!
Nicky B says
I really love this post! Around here, we usually get the weird looks/shamed a little bit when we tell friends that we have our 2.5yr old going to bed 7:15-7:30. Everyone else lets their babies/toddlers stay up around 9-10pm. I want her to get a good sleep as well as have some alone time with my husband. She used to always wake up for the day around 4:30-5 (!!!) but since having her own big girl bed, still a toddler sized one, she usually sits in bed like yours and looks at books until 8ish and then wakes up around 6-6:30 with a couple hour nap around noonish. We love our bedtime routine so she knows what to expect. Thank you for sharing and making me feel a little bit better 🙂
Ali says
As you know, I’m a firm bedtime mamma too. For many of the same reasons; adult time, brian and body sleep needs, fostering good behavior by getting enough sleep, immune systems and just the fact that kids thrive on routine and knowing what to expect.
Our almost 7 year old started Kinder last year and boy did she need to be in bed firmly with lights out by 7;30 (getting up at 6:30am for school) and this summer we’ve stuck to it mostly and she never sleeps past 7. So I do believe she getting about the right amount of sleep. BUT recently she’s been struggling to fall asleep, leg pains and waking with bad dreams so I think we could be hitting a growth spurt?? Going to bed earlier or later by 15-30 minutes doesn’t seem to change. It’s been about 7-10 days…..
Older kiddo. She was start routine at the same time (9 years old last school year) (7pm) but then she got to read or draw until 8:30 and then lights out. But she started not being able to fall asleep while still having plenty of energy, good behavior…. so over the summer we’ve been between 8:30 and 9 waking between 7&7:30.
Doc says both are within normal range of sleep. Good thing is my kids are very sleep aware. Even sometimes choosing to go to bed earlier. Or stating they are really tired and need to go to bed earlier that night.
I know I function way between with 7-8 hours of sleep but my husband can do life fine on less. We have to be in tune with ourselves. (And I know I get sick when I don’t get enough sleep and that’s sure the case for my younger!!!) .
Good post B!
Danielle says
Hi Brittany! I’m just wondering what you do in the summer time when it’s lighter much later and likewise, the winter when it get’s darker much earlier. Go with the sun, or go with the clock? I’m going to be a mom in a few months and while I know we’ll have some time to figure sleep routines out (maybe? lol) I’m definitely interested in how you tackle these issues. Thanks 🙂
Lisa says
Go with the clock! And room darkening curtains! Start the early bedtime routine at an early age (like less than a year old) and they’ll never know anything different. Congratulations!!
Kelli H says
We started a routine at 4 weeks, I think. We’re almost a year in and it’s the best. Definitely get blackout curtains and maybe in some cardboard in the window or something to really help keep it dark.
Brittany Dixon says
We go by the clock for the most part (with black out curtains!), though we are a bit looser with things in the summer. Congratulations on becoming a mama soon!! <3
Allison D says
Early here too and always has been.
SHU says
Mine are in the “lower sleep needs” camp, particularly Annabel (6). Early bedtime –> MEGA early wakeups. That said, I 100% agree with the behavioral consequences of not-enough-sleep! Typically we aim for 8pm bedtime (which leads to ~6:30am wakeup). I also would looooove more time in the evenings, but would rather be left alone in the mornings until a reasonable hour (b/c that’s my workout/me time 🙂 ).
Seeing this makes me think perhaps I should work towards 7:45 or so with a reading lamp . . . as her reading skills improve and make reading less effortful she may be ready for that soon!
Jenn says
Yes! People think I’m psycho with my kids bedtimes! My oldest (4) used to sleep 12 hours but no longer does. Bedtime is 7, asleep by 7:15-7:30 but wakes up between 6:30 and 7:00. How can I get her to sleep longer? This schedule works but she was waking up at 6 and it was awful for all. Also the baby (10 months) needs to sleep longer too as she sleep from 7:00-6:00.
Lauren says
That’s great you’ve found a routine that fits so well for your family!
I’m definitely a bit more go with the flow, because it fits our life better. I think it’s easier to do that with 1 kiddo though. We tend to have dinner around 6:30, by time we’re finished and leftovers are away it’s almost 7:30pm. Bath/shower, brushing teeth and story and lights out by 8:30pm is our goal.
Kiddo is usually up around 7am. If we go to a friend’s or my parents for dinner on the weekend, he stays up and sleeps in the next day. Once in awhile we do this during the week and it’s fun to throw off the usual weeknight schedule with a get together.
We’re more night owls than some. I cannot go to sleep until 11:30pm and on the weekend it’s later, hubby and I love our evenings!
This summer we’ve been in a trasitional state, sold our home before we found / closed on the next one, and staying with a relative. Bedtime has been crazy. So much walking back and tucking in. I’m ready to get back in our own place this weekend.
Rachel says
I only have a 14mo so I can’t speak to sleep beyond what I’ve experienced so far, but I can say that I hope to be this way. My daughter was an amazing sleeper at birth-3m, I seriously hit the jackpot with newborn sleep. And then it became terrible. Absolutely terrible. She needed HOURS of bouncing, nursing, etc to even get to sleep and then she would wake up after just an hour or so and we would have to start all over again. It drove us to the brink. At 6 months we decided to sleep train, (which I did and continue to get shamed over, and I do not care lol,) and it was the most amazing decision I’ve ever made. I swore I would never sleep train until I realized that some babies just need it. After 3 nights she was able to put herself to sleep and stay asleep, and it was amazing. It took a few more months to actually sleep through the night, but I needed her to GET to sleep and STAY asleep for at least a few hours. The difference in her demeanor was night and day. She became much happier and more playful, probably because up till then she was exhausted! For months, every time I would lay her down, I would tell her how sleep is SO important, and we need it to be happy and healthy. (I know she didn’t understand, but I am someone who likes explaining things to babies lol.) Now at 14mo, she gets herself to sleep for both naps and nighttime, and almost always sleeps through the night. She’s a very happy baby in between, and I still say this was my best parenting decision to date.
Kelli H says
I can’t believe people would shame you for sleep training. I did Taking Cara Babies and it was the best thing we did for our daughter and ourselves!
Brittany Dixon says
Love hearing your story Rachel, and I am cracking up because I remember verbally explaining things to the girls when they were babies, too, knowing full well she wasn’t understanding a thing I was saying- haha! It made me feel better though 🙂
Stephanie Woods says
First time reader! I found you through the fitnessista podcast. Loved your tips and this post speaks to my soul! My kids are 3.5 and 1.5. My 3.5 yr old seems to be close to dropping her afternoon nap. Their bedtime is between 7:45-8. They are usually up by 6:45. I’m trying to figure out how to adjust my 3 yr old’s bedtime when we transition strictly to quiet time in the afternoon instead of naps. My baby’s bedtime was 7:30 but he seemed to be getting up at 5:30 so we pushed it back and can usually now wait until 6:30-45 to get him. As for getting my 3 yr old to stay in her room we have an okay to wake clock that glows at 6:45. If she waits to come downstairs until it glows she gets to watch a show during breakfast. It has worked wonders for me being able to drink some coffee before the craziness ensues ☺️
Brittany Dixon says
Hi Stephanie; thanks so much for stopping by from the podcast! I totally agree that getting them to stay in their rooms until a decent time in the morning is life changing. So glad you’ve been able to sip your coffee in peace!
When Kaitlyn dropped her nap (before age 2, which was interesting…) it took a little transition period (fussy afternoons/early bedtimes) but eventually it worked itself out. Good luck! 🙂
Whitney says
You stay at home with your kids while homeschooling and get to make dinner at 1pm. I would hope they can be in the bed at 7. Most people do not have that luxury with two full time working parents.
Kelli H says
We aim to put Camryn down for bedtime at 7 pm though it usually takes her until about 7:30 pm to fall asleep. She gets fed once around 5:30/6 am if she cries enough and then I don’t get her out of her bedroom until 7, so basically the same routine as you 7-7. We LOVE it. It gives us time to ourselves to eat dinner together and watch a show or read or do whatever we want for a couple hours.
One thing I’ve wondered about though is how it’ll change as she gets older. Growing up I always had family dinners together at the table. That is one thing we are lacking right now. We just don’t think we’ll be able to swing family dinner at 6:00 pm. I wonder as she gets older if her bedtime will have to be 8pm so we can have dinner together as a family since it’s important to me.
Katie says
My 8 and 4 year old just started school last week and bedtime has been the biggest battle–some days they haven’t gone to bed until 8:30-9! And of course we’re ALL exhausted in the morning (unfortunately we have to get up around 6am). Monday starts a new week so I’m going to try the 7pm bedtime!!! Thanks for the inspiration. Glad to hear I’m not the only mom who hears screaming from my 4 year old when I say “no” to “one more book!”
Heather Warner says
My 3.5 year old sounds a lot like Kaitlyn! Singing and dancing after we say goodnight. Our biggest struggle is getting her to stay in her room after we say goodnight. She is usually good for the night once she falls asleep but seems to find 100 things wrong before then. “i need more water, I need to pee, I need more books in my bed, I dropped my toy”. Anyway, I am thinking of putting one of those knob turn blocker things on so she can’t get out but then I worry about fire or something awful that she will need to get out of her room and can’t. I think she needs one of those little book lights like you have since one of her big things is keeping the lights on so she can “read”.
Betty says
Gosh, we have been battling bedtime since day 1 with our 3.5 year-old. We were so consistent for so long on putting her down by 8pm, yet not matter what, she NEVER fell asleep before 9:30pm. It would take 1.5-2 hours every single night for her to fall asleep, even after she stopped napping at 16 months. Since we could never bring ourselves to let her cry it out, those 1.5-2 hours usually involved one of us staying in her room with her until she fell asleep. It was so hard. Now we let her stay up until 9 and she falls asleep faster, but it’s still hard having no down time in the evenings. Especially with a 5 month old in the mix now. I’m feeling pretty discouraged to be honest, because I read your post and agree 100%, but I feel like we’re too far into the game to change things now. We do have a consistent dinner, bath, stories, bedtime routine and have been strict about bedtime rules, yet an early bedtime still seems out of reach. The 5 month old is asleep by 8, then 3.5 year-old doesn’t fall asleep until between 9-10, and then baby is back up to nurse by 11-11:30 (and again at 3 and 6). I’ve never been more exhausted in my life. I know its a phase that will pass, but any tricks/tips/advice on how to wrangle it all in with two kids who aren’t good sleepers would be so appreciated!
Brittany Dixon says
Hi Betty- sending BIG hugs your way, Mama. Lack of sleep is no joke. I am one of the worst when it comes to functioning on less sleep, which is why I’m probably such a nut about it. Two things- one, I don’t think it’s ever too late to change a routine or habit. Sure, it easier to start from the beginning, but having a family meeting and going over the new standards has worked well for us in different situations. Two- don’t be so hard on yourself. You have two really young kiddos and you are no doubt in the trenches. You are doing an incredible job. Truly. Would it work to give your 3.5 year old an 8:00 bedtime and a solo activity? Kaitlyn has a LeapFrog Reading pen that allows her to “read” books to herself at night. You could explain that her “bedtime” is 8:00 and she is expected to stay quietly in her room with the overhead lights off, but she can read for as long as she wants? That way at least you are hands off by 8:00? You could always start off checking on her every 15 minutes or so if she has separation anxiety? Again, I’m only an expert on my own kids (no one else’s); just trying to offer anything that may be helpful. Good luck! <3
Betty says
Thanks so much for your kind words and suggestions. It truly means a lot that you took the time to reach out and offer some advice <3 We're going to give it a try with the reading pen and some solo time. Fingers crossed!
Nikki says
We could not agree more in our house! My girls are 8 and 5…bedtime is 7-7:30. Our friends and neighbors think we are insane. I struggle to see the benefit of keeping them awake. We are both working parents, so I totally understand the aspect of wanting more time with them. But, on the occasion that we’ve had a late bedtime it is definitely not worth the bedtime struggles or the next day behavior.
Brittany Dixon says
I am with you! I can see such a huge difference when my girls get enough sleep and it’s just not worth the sacrifice for us.