I got a text around 9 last night from my friend who doubles as my mom. (Sounds annoying, but she’s a godsend and has saved my butt many a time with reminders). “Cause I love ya– tomorrow is the presentation at school and the girls need a lunch.”
She’s right again; I completely forgot.
I have my paper planner that I use daily, but somewhere along the way I forgot to mark this one down. I ran and grabbed Hailey’s lunchbox while I text another friend to cancel our workout plans. That’s another day without sweating. What am I at, almost a week now? Blah.
I stared at the fridge before deciding I’d just make her lunch in the morning (I’m not so excited about that now), as David was just arriving home from the airport. Again, I realized I was too beat to accomplish anything, but that I’d get up early to attack my to do list.
Kaitlyn was uncharacteristically up around 2am, so my 5am alarm was bypassed and I’m finally sitting at this screen now at 6am.
Before we keep going let me assure you I’m not sharing this as a hardship, just a peek into life at the moment.
But it does have me thinking.
Yesterday afternoon I tried for an overlapping afternoon nap. Hailey was no problem; she was worn out from a beautiful morning of picking clovers. But Kaitlyn was doing just fine after her long morning nap. Still, I nursed her, rocked her, turned on the noise machine, slipped her into the crib and tiptoed out the door. She screamed.
I decided to give her 10 minutes and went and face-planted on the couch on the porch to soak up the 76 degree sunshine. As my body collapsed onto the couch, I had but one thought: I’m tired. Not tired in the sense that I needed a nap, but tired in the sense that I’m booked solid from (before) sun-up until sundown and I’m still behind on my list.
I go and scoop her up and bring her down to the porch with me. She snuggles into me with her snotty face and for a few minutes we just sit and stare. It’s gorgeous out. I know I’ve noted the temperature almost daily on the blog (I’m exciting like that), but I’m not sure if I’ve yet taken a moment to just sit and see it.
I start to play that what if game that I’m sure I’m not the only one who fantasizes about. What if I just quit everything? What if I just didn’t open my inbox. What if I just unplugged my computer and let my phone run out of battery. What if we just surrendered ourselves to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches from here on out. What if I just let the Koda’s paw prints cover the floors. What if I just closed the garage and kept it that way. What if…
Wiggle squirm. Kaitlyn wants down and starts over toward the doggy door. A moment later her body is half in the porch and half out, so I jump up to snag her and she just laughs.
I realize I can’t just quit life because it won’t stop for me. (Oh the drama…) Other, perhaps less-fulfilling, demands would fill it up. And it’s not that I don’t love the responsibilities I have now, because I really do and I am grateful for them.
But maybe I need to do a little better with time management. Maybe ‘me time’ needs to be something different than sitting down at my computer to check things off while eating lunch. It’s difficult for me because productivity makes me feel good, accomplished. However focusing on being productive all the time is getting to be too much. I pride myself on the ability to multitask, but am I really doing myself any favors?
I need to breathe and take a few minutes to comb over my priorities. I need to embrace the reality that I can do anything, but I can’t do everything.
It’s tough finding balance, but I’m learning. Learning to be kind to myself. Reminding myself that no one has it all figured out. We’re all juggling balls and wearing different hats. I remind myself that balance isn’t found daily, but as a net result over time.
So today, I will try again. I am going to list out my priorities in order, then try to live the day in accordance. I will try to savor these sweet and busy days, get done what I can, and go to bed at peace with the day as it was. Here goes nothing…
Do you feel that you have a good balance in life?
What helps you balance your must-do list with your want-to-do list?