I had such a great weekend away, but inevitably after a break from routine, chores pile up. Sometimes figuratively, and sometimes quite literally.
Laundry, cleaning, food prep, etc- I had quite the list. Knowing the girls would be running around but really needing to get these things done for the sake of my sanity, I considered asking our sitter to come over for a couple hours. However, it felt too indulgent after just spending money on myself all weekend.
Then I considered letting the girls watch a movie. But we’ve been so great at no TV lately and I felt like bringing it back in the morning would only result in more of a pain for me when we eventually had to turn it off.
I decided that the girls could help, but after the squabble over who got to push which washing machine buttons that occurred in the first few minutes of chore time convinced me otherwise.
I felt stumped.
Then I remembered the phrase that I so often forget to utter.
“Go play.”
Moms, how often do we get caught up in feeling like the cruise director? I know I do! Though it’s great to do crafts with your kids and help build pillow forts, it’s not our job to be their primary source of entertainment 24/7. In fact, I’d argue it’s even detrimental to have your kids be entertained 24/7, without putting forth their own effort.
Children are incredibly capable of entertaining themselves. Hailey is 4 1/2 and Kaitlyn is 2. Sure, I can’t send them off down the street on their own, but given some boundaries and occasional check-ins from me, they can and should be able to entertain themselves for a reasonable amount of time- and they do.
Yesterday morning after breakfast, the girls dressed themselves, skipped brushing their hair themselves, then after my restating of the boundaries, they got to playing. I overheard dancing, shows, weddings, monster chasing, and fort building. I’d hear the occasional squabble (which I stay out of), and the occasional silence (which always brings me running), but all in all, I got 2 hours of chore time in and felt like a brand new mom.
[Tweet “Moms, have you forgotten about these two powerful words? Use them and bring back your sanity! via @ahealthyslice #momlife #sahm #wahm”]
When they started circling back around a couple hours later, I enlisted their help with some chores, then we turned to book reading and lunch. With so much checked off my list, I had the afternoon free for an extra long bike ride with the girls, for feeding the fish and ducks, and for just hanging out. My mind felt uncluttered so I could focus on the fun.
It’s easy for me to forget I don’t have babies anymore. I remind myself of when my 6 month old had a particularly demanding/needy day of how nice I thought it would be to be at the point where I could say- go play! Well, I’m here now. And I need to remember this beautiful phrase a little more often, as it’s not only helpful for me, it’s fun (and necessary) for them to use their imaginations and solve problems on their own.
Cheers to growing independence!
Moms, how do you get the hour to yourself to get things done?
gena @ sober life victory says
Such a great reminder! My eight year old is great at playing on his own, but my five year old definitely wants me to play cruise director to her fun. Going to work on getting her to go play and see what she can create.Thanks!
Jenn says
Lol, yes my two favorite words! Great post!
Shannon says
Love this post! Just had my third son and the mom guilt is high.. Needed this reminder!
Brittany Dixon says
Oh wow Shannon, yes! No guilt. All about survival right now I’d imagine. CONGRATS! 🙂
amy says
Love your blog and all your posts! And selfishly happy that you aren’t sticking to the M/W/F schedule haha! Just curious when you think your girls were old enough to entertain themselves. I am going through a rough stage with my 16.5 month old the past few months (very clingy) and I am hoping it’s just a stage but can’t ever imagine her having any independent play at this time….it’s challenging, especially in the late afternoon when I’m trying to make dinner!
Brittany Dixon says
Oh that makes me so happy! I tried sticking with MWF, but I just missed writing too much.
Solo play is a really slow process. I started with small tasks they could do on their own while I was nearby (measuring cups/spoons/bowls for example in the making dinner scenario). I also would really praise them for solo time, even if it was only for a couple minutes (oh wow, I saw you mix that up all by yourself!!- exaggerated? YUP :)) Small steps will add up and one day you’ll be standing there in shock as your child plays for 30+ minutes completely on her own- promise!
Brynn says
Yes, I completely agree with independent play time when children are old enough to do so. Mitch is 22 months and plays by himself for around 30 minutes (with me near), but it is enough for me to knock a task or two off the list or get a little work done myself. It is good for everyone!
Brittany Dixon says
Love that! We’ve slowly built up over time too. I remember clicking my heels when H and K first spent 30 minutes playing solo.
Katy says
LOOOOOVE this!!!! Its so true, its their job to just play at this age so let them 😉
Brittany Dixon says
For real! I don’t know why I sometimes get so caught up in “but what will they do?!” They’re kids- a yard or a box is all they need!
Christina S says
Yup, it’s a great stage to hit where you can safely tell them to Go play!
I think it also has to do with having more than one kid. You are more comfortable the second/third/fourth time around at parenting to let go a little and trust a little more. Also, having siblings just makes it easier most times – built in playmate! But, too, there is just more to do with multiple kids (so much laundry and dishes!) so letting them play on their own becomes more of a necessity.
I also will always remember something my mom said to me when I was pregnant with my first. She told me that she was really good at setting us up for playing, but not actually playing with. It wasn’t something that she was comfortable doing or particularly enjoyed. I still find so much comfort in knowing that all moms work differently and that I shouldn’t feel badly for not playing pretend with them all day (I feel so silly!!). Different moms have different talents! So I have been much more of an observer and facilitator than an active role in their play. And that’s ok!
Brittany Dixon says
The more than one kid thing is so true! I remember being sad that I was taking away her one on one time with me and it’s so true what they say- giving her a sister was the best gift ever!
I love what your mom said and how you follow through with it too. I’ve recently had a similar revelation. I always pictured me making the kids’ birthday cakes from scratch but I finally admitted to myself that it is so time consuming and stresses me out! It’s so freeing to acknowledge your strengths and let the other stuff go. Great reminder!
Heather says
I definitely need to do this more. The difference for me (I feel) is that I work full time during the week so I selfishly want to spend almost all of my home time with them doing things. My husband and I often have one kid each with us throughout a day at home even if we’re just picking away at chores. BUT we do encourage them to play alone or together a lot too. This was a valuable reminder!!!
Heather says
My kids do okay with playing by themselves but more often than I not they want direct parental involvement, which I get, but it’s hard to make them understand that sometimes I just need time to get a few things done. As for squabbles… I feel like my two will do injury to one another during most of their fights and I’m a constant referee when we’re all at home. Oy.
Melanie says
Yes! This idea is so liberating. I hate the guilt that comes with trying to squeeze in some chores instead of playing with my kids. Or even just wanting to sit with my coffee for a minute in silence. And it’s totally my own doing, and just being a parent in this country in this day and age. But telling myself that it is actually good for my kids to be independent helps a TON. The one thing I can never do though is turn down the chance to read to them. When my youngest comes toddling over with a book in her hand and asks me to sit, I have to drop everything 🙂
Sherry says
I remember my mom telling us to “go play or I will give you something to do”—we went and played on our own knowing that what we did would be more fun than what she would have us doing.
Brittany Dixon says
That’s hilarious because I remember YOU telling US that (when you weren’t lying about quarters ;)) and I use the same line on the girls, with a twinkle of evil glee in my eye! Haha.
Chantal says
My daughter is and always has been a clingy one. She always wants to play with me and I’m like Nooooo. Her brother isn’t quite old enough to play with her yet! Soon enough.
Jerrica says
I’m in an interesting stage at the moment. My kids are 6/4 and they are best friends. They play all day together and rarely need my intervention. But my oldest is now in first grade which leaves my 4yo home alone with me. She misses her playmate SO much. She is so sad and bored and I am SO devastated that next school year I will be sending her off too. So I have a policy this year to put it all aside-my whole to do list-and just enjoy her while I can. I get to be her playmate for the first time and I am going to savor every second of it. The days are dwindling and it is going to leave an enormous hole in my heart. HOWEVER. When my son gets home at 230, they are off to play together. I definitely use that afternoon time to fit in a workout and catch up on anything I can while they enjoy being with each other. I don’t often have to say go play because they just want to all the time after being apart all day!
Cassie says
I can snatched 15 to 30 minutes here and there with my 11 month old as long as she’s in eye sight.
Tanya Kummerow says
This is awesome Brittany! I love telling my kids to go play but I do occasionally need affirmation that this ok and even normal. And probably good for them. I am the mom at the playground telling my kids to just go play. I sometimes feel bad but moms need a break too! And not just to do laundry and chores.
Erin says
This is awesome advice! I find that sometimes when my kids aren’t inspired to play on their own or I just really need extra time if I take a few minutes and set up some things for them they play longer. Like like up there toys or pull out the magnet blocks or set up a little scenario. It helps them have a little direction.
Amelia @ eating made easy says
Love this so much!! I should trust my kids to do this more often. They seem to always end up fighting but I think I need to just let it happen!
Brittany Dixon says
Sometimes I just eavesdrop when they fight to see how they figure it out themselves. They’ve surprised me by handling it pretty well a few times and other times I have to intervene before they both end up in tears 😉
vidmate says
My husband and I often have one kid each with us throughout a day at home even if we’re just picking away at chores. BUT we do encourage them to play alone or together a lot too. This was a valuable reminder!!!