I know this must seem completely out of left field. But here I am. I just put the girls to bed, David should be walking in fairly shortly, and I just was cleaning up the girls’ dinner plates. On the plates were the last two uneaten bites of salmon. As I grabbed them to toss them down the disposal, my eyes filled with tears.
It’s not a common or uncommon occurrence. Five months after saying goodbye, I can still say there isn’t a single day that has passed that I haven’t thought of Koda. That’s not to say it’s been all-consuming. The first month I was riddled with guilt. The second month, the guilt began to fade but left the gut-wrenching feeling of sadness. From there, it’s slowly began to fade too. I’m mostly able to laugh about Koda now as I remember her dramatic, heavy sighs and loving/borderline needy ways. I smile when I remember her reluctant but dedicated decision to swim after us in the lake instead of to be left whining on the dock. Her love for going on hikes that would quite literally have her bouncing off the walls. Her soft ears that somehow sounded like a helicopter landing when she shook them each morning.
Then there are other moments. Little moments that still catch me by surprise and leave a lump in my throat. Reaching the end of a peanut butter jar, a delivery man knocking on the door, packing the car up for a road trip… two leftover salmon bites. Those moments I start to whistle for her then realize all over again that she isn’t here anymore. Those moments are tough and those moments are why my eyes are filled with tears as I type this.
So if you would ask me how it is 5 months after losing a furry family member, I would tell you we miss her but we are all doing OK. Hailey still talks about her and tries to pick out which cloud she thinks she is sleeping on. Kaitlyn will see a picture, point and say “Ko-a. Missh.” David and I play around with the idea of another dog, but usually end up just talking about how Koda was the greatest dog there ever was or will be. We laugh. But then, there are those little moments that still trip me up and take my breath away. I wonder if those will fade with time too.
Maybe so, but I’m confident by now that the love never will. Koda was my first dog and though it feels a bit silly to bringing it up again on a public forum, I just feel like I have to say, for all the other animal lovers out there, that I get it. I get that we all don’t talk about the loss constantly, because really, what is there to say? But I know we all think of our sweet pets all the time. And though the pain of saying goodbye is tremendous, we’d probably all do it all over again. Because the love, companionship and memories they bring are undoubtedly worth it.
But anyway, that’s how I’m doing 5 months after saying goodbye to our Koda-bug.
Have you ever had to say goodbye to a pet?
What was the time that followed like for you?
Kate @ Thirty On Tap says
Hi Brittany,
Your posts on Koda always touch a special place in my heart. I love animals, and dogs especially, and the pain of losing them is real. Having gone through that process a couple times now, I’ve come to believe that there’s a special place in our hearts that only our pets can fill. While no dog of mine has ever replaced another (as I truly think they are each irreplaceable), the love that they each provide satisfies the heart space that is reserved for them.
Glennon Doyle Melton has this quote that I find really comforting: “Loving people and animals makes us stronger in the right ways and weaker in the right ways. Even if animals and people leave, even if they die, they leave us better. So we keep loving, even though we might lose, because loving teaches us and changes us.” I hope it provides comfort to you as well.
Brittany Dixon says
Thank you so much for your comment Kate. Talking to other people that love animals/dogs so much is so comforting because I know love for a pet is not something everyone can understand. And I absolutely love that quote from Glennon, especially the weaker and stronger in the right ways. What a beautiful way to put it. Thank you!
Annie says
This post completely resonates as with me as we are in the thick of it. Our beautiful 7 year old black lab, who was the picture of health (& has eaten high quality food his entire life-seriously he eats better then us 😉 ) was unexpectantky diagnosed with lymphoma on Easter of all things this year (while I was 9 months preggo with my 2nd daughter). He started chemo right away and you would never know he has this large mass in his chest. His energy level is great, still loves catch, and loves constantly on our two beautiful girls. He is the most loveable, non aggressive (seriously wouldn’t hurt a fly) perfect dog you would ever meet. We are devastated thinking of losing him. And the thought (of way down the road) getting another dog makes me so sad to think. And how we will break the news to our oldest daughter when he does pass 🙁 unfortunately the chemo is not shrinking thr mass as much as they would like. But we continue to try as long as his spirits remain in tact and physically he seems finr. Anyways, I’m a longtime reader, first time commenter. Sorry for the long ramble…love your blog btw <3
Brittany Dixon says
Oh Annie, I want to give you a hug because it sounds all so familiar. Koda had lymphoma too and I’ll say she had a FULL year of happy, spoiled, wonderful life after diagnosis. If I see any silver lining looking back it’s that we were able to love on her even more that last year. She had table scraps and slept in our bed, two things we had rarely let her do. Keep doing exactly what you are doing, letting him live the wonderful, happy life he knows. I was often reminded by people that dogs aren’t like us, they don’t think about the end, they just live and enjoy each day and it sounds like you are giving him a life that dogs can only dream about. I don’t know how old your older daughter is, but the book Dog Heaven really was great for Hailey (4). Our canine oncologist gave us a copy at the end and a member of the staff had signed each page with a heartfelt message about how much they will miss seeing Koda and what a great dog she was. It still makes me cry when I read it today, but the book is filled with simple messages for kids about squirrel shaped dog biscuits and fluffy cloud beds that really resonated with Hailey. Best of luck to you and your family and just know you are doing everything you can and most importantly, loving on him which is all he wants. I’ll be thinking of you <3
Jennifer says
Thank you for sharing this. I think in today’s society, the expectation to “get over things” is way too rushed and unrealistic. I think it’s so important to talk about our feelings and embrace our own grief timeline. The memories you have of Koda will always be cherished and special for your family. Me and my girls are sending you guys lots of love. <3
Becki McMahon says
I have never commented really but this subject is so close to my heart. I’m coming up on two years since I made that decision for my Tink dog, a black lab. He was my first dog as an adult and he got me through 11 really lonely hard years. I remember praying for years that God wouldn’t take him from me until He sent me my husband. Michael was with me when I said goodbye and we married three months later. I will forever be grateful to my loving God for answering that prayer! I still choke up at the thought of my sweet boy and it’s still hard to think of loving another animal that much. I knew it was the right decision to end his pain but dang it, I hated it! I don’t think anyone, no matter how kind, can truly understand until you go through it. I have lost my dad and my beloved grandfather (Tink was there for both) and I really think losing Tink was harder in a lot of ways. Anyway, all that to say, dogs are amazing, and losing them sucks.
Jessica @My Healthy Passion says
And…I am crying! 🙁 lol I get it, I have had my first dog for 4 years now, and I can’t even stand the thought of him not being in our lives. Animals are so special…the best hello and hardest goodbye!!! How lucky are are we to have something so hard to say goodbye to! xoxo!
Kelli says
I completely understand where you are coming from . We are at a year and half since we lost our first. Baby and like you not a single day goes by I don’t think of him . We did end up getting another dog and he hasn’t replaced him but he definitely fills the void that we had!
Chelsea says
My aunt has a Vizsla girl in season in the Winston area if you’re still toying with the idea of getting another one!
Brittany Dixon says
I may or may not have just text David when I read this. I really don’t think we are going to get one soon, but the idea certainly pulls at my heart strings…
Shannon says
Hugs, Brittany! It’s a terrible thing to lose a pet. And no one will ever replace Koda. You’ll know if you are ready for another dog, but don’t feel like you have to rush grieving for your baby.
Christine says
I was crying with you as I read this post – my stomach is in knots thinking about your loss (Koda was so beautiful and I can see how much joy she brought to your family) and also me having to say goodbye to my dog someday. He’s a young 5 years old so I have time (I hope). But I’ve thought on numerous occasions about the day he will pass on – I really cannot imagine our lives without him, as I consider him our first born. (I’m trying not to cry as I type this at work, the lump in my throat has formed).
The one time I said goodbye to a pet, I was a young child so I really did not have the attachment I have with my current fur baby. I think when he passes it will be alot harder on me, there will be a silence in our home that I won’t be familiar with – and I can only hope I am strong as you.
Heather says
Losing a pet is never easy. Our cat Smokey lived to the age of 21 and was with us for most of that time. It broke my heart when we had to drive her to the vet and say good-bye. Even though I had other pets and had moved out of my mom’s house, she was my favorite and was just special. It gets easier, but they never really leave you. My mom let me keep her ashes, and she has a special resting spot in my bedroom.
You’ll know when the time is right for a new dog, and he/she won’t replace Koda who will always have a special place in your heart. 🙂
Dana says
Oh My I was crying as I read this….We lost our yellow lab/golden mix , my goodness 9 years ago…I still think about him and still have his leash hanging in my garage. It hangs right next to our new dog Max’s leash….Casey will never be forgotten. They will always have a special spot in your heart. We did get another dog soon after Casey passed. My husband always said a new dog will never replace Casey and he was so right. But I just missed hearing that dog tail whacking against the floor or the excitement everytime I walked in the door no matter how many times i came in…..But you will know when the time is right for another dog. Hugs to you 🙂
Brittany Dixon says
I know so many people have lost pets and hearing how you keep his leash is so comforting to me, like a reminder that it’s OK to remember and they’ll never be replaced. Thank you so much for sharing! <3
Tracy says
Brittany, I can so relate. We lost our cat who was seriously like our third child when she was almost 20 years-old four years ago. She was part of us, and grew up with my son and daughter who were 22 and 18, at the time. To us, she is “the greatest cat that ever was.” The day we had to put her to sleep, all of our hearts were completely broken. For months and months, we were too sad to even talk about getting another cat, but eventually we did–two of them! We are all over-the-moon crazy about these new members of our family and love them just as much as we loved our first cat; although it is different because every relationship is different and they are their own selves. We will never “get over” losing our first cat. The feelings that we have for her do not fade with time. The night that we had to put her to sleep, I watched my husband (who insisted we bring her home) from the window of our house as he dug a hole in our backyard in the pouring rain so that we could keep her close to us. We now have a garden in that spot in her memory that we named after her. Over the weekend, I was weeding the garden and broke into tears totally unexpectedly. That rarely happens anymore–but it does happen. I totally understand your love for Koda and your feelings. That’s how it is when we love our animals. They are family members. They are forever in our hearts and part of who we are. We certainly never forget them. And we will always miss them. Just find in comfort in knowing how lucky she was to have been part of your family, and how lucky you were to have had her in your lives. It was meant to be.
Brittany Dixon says
Oh Tracy, I’m tearing up reading your comment! Koda is in our yard as well and it serves as a heartbreaking yet comforting reminder that she is still close to us. Thank you for sharing and understanding just how much a part of the family they are. <3
Tracy says
I SO get that feeling. After all this time, it still feels really good and right to have our cat “with us.” I’m so glad that my husband made that decision. In the moment, I think I was just too sad to have the presence of mind to do it, but I am so grateful that he did. <3
Kris says
We have had to say goodbye to two dogs and currently have one who is five. When we lost the first I cried for a year, but was busy with the second dog who also grieved losing her canine friend. When we lost the second I was overcome with grief. The first month was terrible, and after that the quiet overwhelming. I wanted to wait at least three months to see if we really wanted a third. At the end of three months I knew I wanted another and then met a rescue who was what I said I didn’t want — a boy dog and a puppy. Now I have a super sweet boy who I am more bonded with than I would have believed. He will never replace either of the first two, but each one has a special place in my heart and my life has been blessed by the presence of three very different dogs. I try to accept that the grief is offset by the extreme joy they bring to me every day. Hugs to you!
Brittany Dixon says
Thank you for sharing your story and the love and companionship a new dog can bring without “replacing” an old one. It’s so wonderful to hear! <3
Alyssa @ renaissancerunnergirl says
We had to say goodbye to my family’s first Lab when she was 12 and I was 11 (she came first!) It was really tough especially since she always kind of watched over my brother and I. Then, three years later, we got our second and current Lab, Sasha, and she is just as amazing, albeit in a different way, being the baby of the family rather than the eldest “child” and guardian. I hope it’ll be awhile before she goes anywhere!
Allie says
This post really spoke to me. It’s so hard to describe the feeling of losing a pet because they truly become part of your family. We had to say good bye to our dog last October and eight months later I still have to catch myself from wanting to call her name or reaching out to cuddle her during a storm ( which happened just last night ) . Dogs are the best though and despite the pain from the loss I would do it all over again.
Brittany Dixon says
I’m so sorry for you loss Allie! I’m mentally preparing myself for the 4th of July fireworks because Koda hated them and I’d always have to snuggle to comfort her. Those little moments are the hardest. Thinking of you <3
Donna says
There are absolutely NO WORDS to express my heartfelt sympathy to you Brittany. I completely GET IT on a million levels— so much of what you wrote rings true. We lost our beautiful Sydney, our first baby girl (we have no children….) four years ago and to this day all the feelings you described are true. It is a literal physical feeling of pain and loss but also so much happiness and joy that we recall on a daily basis. These feelings all of them, never go away, they remain embedded in our hearts and in our souls forever. Until we see them again…..
Brittany Dixon says
Thank you for sharing Donna. It’s comforting to hear you still feel the joy of your memories with Sydney years later and to “talk” with someone else that understands the love a person can have for a dog. The happy memories are what I hope to hold on to forever as well <3
Alyssa says
My pup is only two and I started crying reading this… just going to blame the pregnancy hormones..
Jennifer says
I had to put my dog down at he young-ish age of 10 pretty unexpectedly on November 9th! There are so many things that remind me of him and it drives me crazy. Our UPS man is the best and leaves dog bones with packages. It took me MONTHS to break the news to the UPS man and when I did, I ugly cried everywhere. I’m ready to get another (I’ve had dogs my entire life and its weird without one) but my husband isn’t. He wants us to wait until we are done having kids first 🙁
Brittany Dixon says
I’m no stranger to the ugly cry! When a neighbor mentioned she hadn’t seen Koda lately – ugly cry. When the guy checking me out asked how my weekend was (right after we said goodbye) – ugly cry. And our UPS man is the same- always had treats and my heart still aches a little when he rolls in and Koda isn’t here to run and jump into his truck (probably a no-no, but it was adorable). I hope you and your husband find the right time to bring another dog into your lives and thanks for sharing <3
Kelly Villers says
Beautiful post <3
lindsey says
This was a God appointed post. I lost my beloved 9 year old (lb) Yorkie 3 weeks ago after a terrible accident involving another dog on Memorial Day. My pup got me through my entire adult life and moved with me from GA to LA to Boston, where we live now, and saw me through marriage and the birth of my first baby. He was put to sleep a couple of weeks before my baby’s first birthday. I have STRUGGLED without him but I often think God gave me a dog until I didn’t need him anymore. We are doing better, but it’s the little moments that put the lump in our throats. The doorbell ringing, the bed that still sits in my bedroom, and the snuggles at night after our baby goes to sleep. It is so tough but I thank God for blessing me with him. Someone told me “If love could have kept him alive, he would have lived forever” and it really helped ease some of the pain. Thank you!
Brittany Dixon says
Oh Lindsey, I can’t imagine the pain of the sudden loss of your dog; I’m so sorry. I fully understand what you mean by the little moments. That quote is beautiful and somehow really comforting. Thank you for sharing it!
Michelle says
I lost my Disney right around the same time that you lost Koda, and I have to say that I am pretty much right where you are now as well. While Disney was a cat, not a dog, I know just what you mean. There are still those things that trigger an emotional response, thought most of the time I am fine and have moved forward. I no longer visit her grave every day, but I still have her picture sitting on my desk. When I play with my other kitty, I think of her and how they played together. And sometimes I call him by her name on accident. I still talk to her sometimes as well.
I believe that they will hold a piece of our hearts forever.
Brittany Dixon says
Oh Michelle, I’m so sorry for your loss! It’s comforting to hear though that I’m not alone in still thinking of and sometimes calling for my sweet girl.
Kelli H (Made in Sonoma) says
This brought tears to my eyes. I can’t even read a lot of the comments on here because they make me cry. I’m happy to hear that you’re doing okay (I had been wondering!) but I so know what you mean. It’s the simple things in life that make you miss them. I’ve lost so many pets growing up (4 dogs, 2 cats, & 2 rats) but the lessons I’ve learned from it is that even though it is seriously one of the hardest things to go through it is worth it. Think of all the years of happiness Koda provided to you and your family. I always remember how silly each pet was, and try to bring up their names when I’m reminded of one of them. It helps! Especially as many years pass. Luckily I haven’t had to say goodbye to a dog (harder on me than the rest…) in a couple years. I’m keeping my fingers crossed about my Lexi girl. She is doing okay as far as we know but it’s hard with three legs. She has adapted pretty well but she can’t go on long walks or hikes anymore and she falls down a lot. It’s so sad but I’m so happy she’s still with us. I often think of Koda since she was diagnosed the same month as Lexi. Anyway, I know I’m rambling on but thank you for keeping us posted. Sometimes a new pet can help heal the wounds that are left open in my experience. It’ll be interesting to find out in the next months or years what you guys decide to do. 🙂 Sending you hugs!
Brittany Dixon says
I can’t tell you how much I love seeing snaps of Ryder and Lexi (sweet girl looks like she is doing great!). I thought seeing other dogs would hurt, but honestly, I love seeing other people love their dogs as much as I love Koda. Thanks for your comment and letting me live vicariously though videos of your sweet pups for now 🙂
Melissa says
This is so timely for me too, Brittany. I’m so sorry for your loss and I know the feeling of thinking that your dog was the best one you’ll ever have.
When we moved to Hawaii, we had to leave my dog with my in-laws. Hawaii is rabies free and requires pets stay in a quarantine for 4 months before being released in the state. We didn’t want to do this because my small very nervous dog would have broken down in that environment. There was an option to do it beforehand in the states and not in a kennel but we didn’t get enough notice to do this 6 months prior. We had to leave my dog for that reason, because he literally wouldn’t be allowed in the state but also because we are going on living in a hotel for 60 days now. No hotels take pets around here so it just wouldn’t have worked.
We always said that when we got a house (we move in Friday!) that he’d come back out. But now we are finding that it just doesn’t seem to make sense. Our daughter is in a terrible stage of not understanding gentleness and is just generally crazy. We’re worried it would be too much for our dog who prefers quiet. He does love her but he gets cranky about noise and running around easily. We also want another baby so it just seems like this is a bad season to have him. Plus it costs a LOT to get a dog over here. He is currently loving being with my mother-in-law, so part of me wants him to stay because he’s having the time of his life!
While he hasn’t passed away, the thought of him not coming back to us to be our dog again is almost the same amount of grief for me. I’ve been crying for days about it and just can’t decide what to do. It’s such a hard situation – anything involving pets. He is my first dog and I have to say, I really don’t know how I’ll ever handle when he does go. It’s just so sad to think about.
I hope it gets easier with time, but just like people passing, I know that grief comes in waves and doesn’t ever really subside fully. Thinking of you.
sherry says
Ahh Brittany–so beautifully written. When I drive into your neighborhood, I always think about Koda. I would always call you then and you would take Koda outside so she wouldn’t wake up any napping girls. And yesterday, I stopped at Pounders to pick up some eggs and saw the big femur bones that I would buy for her–made me smile because I remembered how she would try to sneak them in the house.
Kelly says
I’m crying at my desk at work.. Thanks.. Said goodbye to my “best dog that ever was” over a year ago, and the pain and sadness and missing her has yet to completely go away. Its hard! They’re such a huge part of your life for so long. They’re your best friend. I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing her. There won’t ever be a dog as great as she, but I am looking forward to getting another one at some point. Dogs are just great animals. Going to wait till this baby is born and sleeping though. I’m not crazy enough to do a baby and a puppy..
Janice says
I came across your blog from another blog. Your post is beautiful. My heart aches for you. It’s been over a year since I lost my dog. It is such a loss that can’t be described and I only think other dog lovers can truly understand another’s pain when it comes to dog loss. Your words about moments that catch you, those still happen. The only thing is they don’t break me down, they still hurt and there is still an emptiness. I am glad I was able to come across your post, it is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
Tammy says
Thank you for this post. I lost my/family dog of 14 years Rat Terrier, two days ago. I have such heart ache and tears. They just keep coming and I was asking “why so hard he was old and health failing, but I loved him and he loved me. He was with me through so much. I will never forget him. Good to know I’m not alone.
Brittany Dixon says
Oh Tammy, I’m so sorry for your loss. I don’t think circumstances make the loss any less real or painful. I tried to focus on how we knew it was coming and we got a whole extra year with her, but initially that didn’t help. No matter the circumstances, a big piece of your life is gone. I can tell you though, from a little further down the line, that the pain does slowly fade but the wonderful memories live on in vivid detail. Don’t rush your healing, but do know that it gets better. Thinking of you! <3
Katrina says
My cat Mowgli has been missing since Sunday evening, with a lot of dense bush with trees to be stranded in and predation it his hard to stay optimistic. This is exactly what I needed to read this morning, thank you for being so candid Brittany. Hugs to you and the gang <3
Brittany Dixon says
I’ve been thinking of you and Mowgli, Katrina. <3
PetShoper says
Great post must-ready for every pet lovers!
Shandra says
It’s been 5 months for me now too, thank you for this post, it helps to know others have gone through the same heart ache and experienced the same love for their pets. I just found this article, It’s been a couple of years for you now…
I wonder how your family is, if you guys got another dog. Hope all is well.
Brittany Dixon says
Sending a big hug your way; it’s so hard. We have peace now, but still talk about Koda almost daily. We are grateful for so many good memories! We don’t have another dog yet, but we know we will one day!
Jessica says
Crying as I read this. I see its an older article, but as I’m six months out from the loss of my first cat, I feel very similar to this. It’s not consuming, but there is a pang of loss from the love you once had. I hope time has lessened your pangs and perhaps invited a new pet into your life.
Brittany Dixon says
Sending you a hug, Jessica. It’s so hard. We are a few years out now and we still talk about Koda quite often! But it’s with smiles and happy memories now. <3
Beckette says
Koda sounds like. Sweet Girl. The “two bites of salmon” sums up every heart catching moment we go through when losing our pets.
I lost my 11.5 yr old dog who was in peak health to a sudden and devastating illness on June 6 2019. The week before he had been galloping and swimming, the next week he lay dying. Despite days in the vet hospital trying to save him, nothing could help. I brought my “little brother” home for one last night and then had my home vet put him to rest.
I’m trying hard to put the pictures of his struggle out of my mind ( I spent days on the floor of the veterinary kennel with him, breaking all the rules, faced with the likes of me, the staff just went with it and tolerated me in there) but it’s very hard. I know it’s damaging psychologically to dwell on the worst moments and I try not to indulge in those but they sneak through and I am still overwhelmed. I’m trying hard to focus on the joy of the situation, I found a friend at a kennel hours before he was to be euthanized and he filled my life with joy and was my constant sidekick. If I wasn’t working , for the most part that dog was with me.
And so, I go on petless, in a life that somehow seems less full. As a bitter side note, an illness I’d been fighting flared terribly in the weeks following my dog’s death and was diagnosed as a very rare neurological disease requiring immediate major surgery. Now I’m stuck struggling at home to recover , and in a bubble of sadness.
Sorry, I’m not usually so self serving or maudlin, but your post caused me to feel deep emotion, and I felt the need to vent. Someday, maybe someday, if I get well again, I will think about another dog. But those leashes and collars and dog coat will always hang by the door.
I
Miss My Friend
Lee Anderson says
It’s been 5 months without my darling mastiff, Mojo. He was 2 years old when I adopted him as a rescue, and I had him for 8 years. A vet came to my house and helped him pass in early May; he could no longer get up and down stairs, and walking had become difficult and very painful for him –even with his prescribed pain medication.
It was love at first sight with Mojo and me. I was the girl he’d been looking for, and he was the dog I’d waited for all my life. There was no way to prepare for the seemingly bottomless grief I feel over losing Mojo’s loving presence.
Brittany Dixon says
I’m so sorry you are going through this. I can attest that the love remains but the pain eases with time. Sending you a lot of love <3
Pia says
I needed to hear this today! I lost my soulmate dog in January to a pack of coyotes on a hike. He was not even two years old, and I thought we’d have 17 years filled with joy and adventure. Him and I traveled the world together. I dont have any family, he was the closest friend I had.
I was a mess after he passed, for a long time. It’s been 6 months and even though I adjusted, I miss his spirit every day. I got a new dog 3 weeks ago and still, he is not him and I feel that painfully.
However, experiencing the death of my best friend has taught me some amazing things. I dont believe that death means the end of it all. I’m absolutely convinced they are there somewhere, taking care of us and helping us to let go. I also realized that every day is so insanely important, and that we should honor each second on this beautiful wild planet. He only had 440 days with me, and oh how we cherished them fully.
John says
I lost Body on 10/25/2022 and I think about him every day. He was my boy a 14.5 year old border collie and I miss him so much. This article so resonated with me and made me cry. I didn’t know if it was normal to be this down after 5 months but this piece made me feel better. Thank you!💔🐾
Brittany Dixon says
Sending you a big hug; I’m sorry you had to say goodbye to Body. Dogs are family members and missing them is painful and completely normal. I hope his happy memories soon outweigh this sadness for you, as they finally do now with me and Koda. <3