Well, I didn’t think I’d be here again, having to discuss induction with the doctor and wondering what it would be like to go into labor. However, considering I thought both my kiddos were boys and that I’d go early with both, I should realize I lack a certain maternal instinct by this point, right?
Three weeks ago I was having so many signs that labor was around the corner. I didn’t feel well, had cramps and was certain she’d arrive soon. Now? I feel pretty good in all honesty! My biggest complaints are missing wine and that I feel pretty big. Not just the belly, I actually love the belly for the most part, but my arms, thighs and rear-end feel expanded, soft and unused. My underwear is tight. That is not a fun feeling, my friends. Though I’ve never been a diehard workout fanatic, I’m really itching to get some energy and fitness back in my life again (thus my crazy half marathon day dreams).
Though I didn’t think I’d make it to 40 weeks, I’m OK with it. I feel comforted knowing that she should be fully developed and ready for life out here in the world. I’m hoping it means good things for sleeping and breastfeeding. Being that I don’t think my body grows particularly big babies (Hailey was 7 pounds 1.6 ounces at 10 days past due), I’m also happy that she’s had time to put on more poundage. My ultrasound on Monday estimated her to be around 6 and a quarter pounds. Those are notoriously inaccurate, so I’m interested to find out the real number once she arrives.
I also think the extra time (I supposed it’s not extra time considering I JUST hit my due date) has been good for me mentally. I realize I’ve struggled with the idea that baby girl’s arrival would mean the end of mine and Hailey’s time together. Because of that we’ve read extra books, gone to library story times, extra play dates with friends, special shopping trips (I need to have this baby before we drain our bank account at Target) and just snuggled more. Now I’m embracing that it’s not the end, it’s a new beginning (as cheesy as it sounds). Hailey isn’t going anywhere.
I’m ready to watch Hailey become a big sister and now I’ll have TWO wonderful daughters to spend time with. I think Hailey is as ready as she can be, too. She keeps asking when baby sister will come so she can hold her ‘like dis’ (cue arms folded across the front of her chest). I also think she looks forward to mommy having a lap again. Poor thing wants to sit in my lap all the time and the belly just keeps shoving her off!
It’s really helped that I’ve had so many friends have second babies recently (all but one have had girls, by the way!). Being able to watch them keep special bonds with their toddlers while holding their new bundles in their arms has me convinced I’m being slightly dramatic about this transition. Life won’t only go on, it will be enhanced in ways that I can’t even conceptualize yet.
I’ve also realized that I’m not one of those moms that can easily bond with the baby in utero. Don’t get me wrong, her wiggles and kicks always make me smile and I’m doing my best to commit the feeling to memory. I rub my belly and tell her a special hello and mommy loves you so much a couple times each day. I have quite a few videos of her bouncing around in my belly, too. Still, I am eager with anticipation to finally meet her. I’ve let my mind wander finally and dream of what she might look like, what her personality will be and what unique challenges and joys she will bring. The idea that I will have another daughter still feels surreal at this point and I can’t wait for that moment of looking her in the eyes, holding her and knowing she is real… if that makes any sense?
I’ve talked to my doctor about how long over my due date I should wait. He said that by 5 days past due, he thinks it would be a good idea to throw in the towel and I feel OK with that. This time around I am much less focused on having the perfect, natural delivery. Would I like to have that? Heck yes! But perhaps the scare early on in this pregnancy has reset my mind into truly just wanting us all to be here and healthy. I’ve been going to the chiropractor, using evening primrose oil, doing cat/cow stretches, drinking red raspberry leaf tea, bouncing on the yoga ball, walking, taking lots of stairs and feel like I’m trying to do whatever I can (save castor oil- no thank you!) to make my body go into labor. Maybe I’m one of those women that naturally has a longer gestational period, maybe it’s because she is posterior, maybe there is no reason at all. It is what it is. I’ll wait as long as my doctor and I feel comfortable, then, it looks like another induction. Either way, I will be having a baby within the next week (!). Again, surreal.
So, there are my thoughts at 40 weeks. Today is my due date and a small part of me is secretly hoping she’s part of the 5% of babies that are prompt and that magically mid-day she’ll decide it’s time. A mom can hope, right? In the meantime, I’ll go snap a few more belly pictures, visit the doctor and maybe enjoy another glorious, uninterrupted nap while I can!