You know that handbook that doesn’t come with having a baby? Well, shocker, the same handbook never shows up when dealing with other parenting issues. I’ve done the best I can and learned a lot through trial and error along the way. One category I feel like I’ve learned a lot in is hiring babysitters for the girls. I wish I was lucky enough to have family down the street, but since I’m not, I’ve had to learn how to be on the hiring end of the babysitter game, which isn’t as easy as you may think. Here are some things I’ve learned along the way, based 100% of personal experience.
1. Consider the age of your sitter based on your needs. I used to think late teens were the ideal age- responsible, needing money, have babysat before… all good stuff right? Well I’ve learned to really consider your circumstances.
Younger sitters or mother’s helpers (ages 9-12) are fantastic because they really get in there and play with the kids. I had an 11 year old come one day a week last summer when Kaitlyn was a newborn to help me out in the form of playing with Hailey. She was fantastic at creating games and imaginary play. Plus, the price was right ($5/ hour which her mom told me was still too much).
However, if you need a sitter to drive your kids places (something I’m not comfortable with yet) or handle more advance tasks (like baths for babies), you probably want to consider a more mature sitter/nanny. A woman in her 50’s can be wonderful because she is responsible, has often raised children herself (and what is better than first hand experience?!) and may enjoy ‘practicing’ grandma skills while she waits for her own probably college-age kids to marry and have kids.
2. Word of mouth is the best referral. I get how hard it is to find a sitter when you don’t feel like you know anyone (shout out to those new moms!). I also know that people guard their good sitters something fierce in fear of having them become too busy or prefer another family’s kids over theirs. However, if you can get a referral from a friend/teacher/church for a good sitter, I’ve found it works out SO much better in the long run.
I’ve interviewed people from care.com and sittercity.com. I’ve had friends find fantastic people through those services. However, it’s never worked for me and I felt uncomfortable with interviewing strangers at my home. I’ve had two wonderful sitter/nannies- one was a referral from a friend who needed more hours than the sitter was able to provide her with (but worked well for my needs) and my current one, who was a referral from a friend in my playgroup. Both have turned out to be GREAT.
3. Set up an interview, but watch more than listen. I’ve interviewed sitters that had the “right” answers to every question I asked, but they just looked uncomfortable with the girls. Sure I want to know your experience, if you are CPR certified, if you can drive yourself over, but if you shy away from my three year old offering your a pretend grilled cheese, then I’m not sure we are the right fit for each other.
Some sitters are great with babies, other thrive with school-aged kids. Watch how your potential sitter interacts with your kids’ ages before deciding to hire them or not. My current sitter swooped right in, letting Kaitlyn crawl right up onto her lap for a snuggle while asking Hailey what smelled so good in her play kitchen. Winner.
4. Be clear about your expectations. Oh man, this one took me a while (and a couple teen sitters) to learn. When I babysat I remember playing with the kids then picking up the house once they went to bed. Well it turns out that isn’t standard protocol. I certainly don’t expect a babysitter to clean my house, but if you make lunch for the girls, then yes, I’d appreciate you putting the dishes away when you are finished. However, it turns out that sitters aren’t mind readers and I was doing a pretty terrible job at setting up my expectations beforehand.
After lamenting about this to a friend, she generously sent me her rule and information sheet she kept on the fridge for sitters. I loved it! I tweaked it to fit our household and now go over it with sitters (with a slight bashful, oh gosh, I know this makes me sound crazy but just so I don’t forget anything tone…) and keep it on the fridge. I find it is best for everyone to know what is expected.
{Click on the link for the Free Printable} –> Family Rules & Sitter Information Sheet
5. Remember that you are the employer. I have a real problem with feeling like the authority when hiring sitters. I’m not sure if it’s because I feel like we are basically the same age (news flash Brittany, you are not 20 years old anymore, even if you feel like it) or if I just hate feeling bossy, but I find myself acting like they are a just a girlfriend doing me a big favor. I forget I am paying them good money and though yes, I love them on a personal level (such sweet girls!), I also am hiring them to care for my children (AKA: my whole world), so I need to not be so timid about outlining my expectations or rules. Adulting is tough sometimes.
Did you babysit when you younger/now?
What made one babysitting experience better than another?
Parents- how do you choose/evaluate sitters?
What is most important to you in finding a sitter?
John J. says
Terrific advice, pure wisdom. You continue to lead and educate regarding important family considerations!
Katie D. says
I’ve had some of the same struggles with my day care provider. At the start, I felt like I was dropping El off at a family member’s home (El goes to in home day care full time). Then I realized that I was her employer, so I had to set the ground rules. It was TOUGH and I made my hubby come with me for support, but we got things smoothed out and I couldn’t be happier with the love and care she provides, which allows me to work full time with the peace of mind that El is cared for all day.
Parita @ myinnershakti says
I need to start bookmarking these posts! Great info and insight. I laughed a little when I read the part about expectations because I think that’s totally a generational difference. I would never have babysat for someone and left a mess!
Jessica says
Agreed!! Its shocking to me that someone would eat in someone’s home and NOT clean their mess up, lol.
Kathy says
Nice post and I can understand where you are coming from in all directions. My 18 year old has babysat since of age and I must have drilled similar guidelines in her head as she is well sought after these days for sitting needs. Too bad we don’t live close–she would love your girls. 🙂
Lauren Brennan says
You are so, SO right. I will definitely be using your printable! Great advice-thanks!
Katie says
Even when my brother was 3 and had special needs we had high school babysitters. Since I was 6 (and thought I was 16) I told them our schedule, but I think this list is great!!
Erin @ Her Heartland Soul says
Great tips! I could see how this would be hard!
Hallie@Chasinghallie says
I am embarassed to admit this but we have still never hired a babysitter for my girls (Molly is 3 1/2 and Ellie is 3 months). Now that Ellie is here I am definitely not ready for a sitter for her but I should have had one for Molly by now. I always just felt weird and protective of someone else watching her. Luckily, while my parents don’t like down the street they do come to town a lot so we plan date nights for when they are in town.
I am going to have to dive in sometime though!
Tiffany says
This is so helpful! We have yet to venture into the world of babysitters beyond using friends or family. The closest family to us is 1.5 hours away though so we really need to change this to increase the frequency that we can have date nights! Thanks for sharing.
SHU says
We found our nanny (AKA the reason I have not had a nervous breakdown yet) through care.com. She is amazing and now essentially a family member! So to others, don’t discount that option.
Another great place to find babysitters: your kids’ schools/day cares if they have them. Our ‘date night’ babysitter was one of A’s teachers last year. Wonderful for multiple reasons – her experience, the prescreening done by the school, and the fact that she already knows my 3yo (who can be . . particular, as 3yos can be 🙂 )
Your printable is great although I still have the ‘I think I’m 20’ issue and don’t think I could do it 🙂
Oh and finally – I pay my babysitters well. I want them to WANT to come sit for me. And if I ever get the feeling like they feel like they are doing me a favor by coming over, then I move on.
Brittany Dixon says
Yes I have several friends that LOVE care.com. I think I did it wrong or maybe didn’t specify the right info because it hasn’t worked for me, but I know some people love it so it’s definitely worth checking out.
I also agree, I pay well because when I ask them to come over I really want them to say yes! 😉
Caroline says
I’ve been babysitting since I was 13 (I’m 26 now) and I have to say that I LOVE the idea of the house rules and information sheet posted on the fridge! I wish every family had one. It’s sometimes hard to remember everything Mom or Dad tells me (especially the first time I’m sitting for a family) so this would be so great to refer back to if I have any questions or need to check if the kids are trying to dupe me 😉 I love that you included what you do for discipline and consequences, because I always want to make sure that I’m consistent with the style that each family uses. And having the wifi password on there is awesome! I always feel uncomfortable asking for it, but often wish I had it so I can do homework/study once the kids go to bed!
Bob says
If someone leaves your house a mess don’t hire them again! Cleaning up after yourself is common courtesy and I wouldn’t want someone that irresponsible taking care of my children! I can understand the need to put some of this information on here, but the tone of this is definitely more appropriate for a mother’s helper than an adult–it’s not really creating an employer-employee relationship (that you want when you are paying someone) to have rules laid out that would never fly in a work-place.
Emili says
I am a 30 year old college educated woman with a successful career in politics, but have been babysitting on the side for the past 5 years in DC because it’s absurdly expensive to live here. I’ve also been babysitting regularly since I was 15 years old and took all the “Safe Sitter” classes before I ever watched a child on my own.
Now I’m going to give you an honest assessment of your post because I’m shocked no one has said how over the top this helicopter parenting, excuse me, helicopter parenting your BABYSITTER is. Your “family rules and sitter information sheet” is so immaculately detailed, it would take a sitter a good 5-10 minutes to really read over this, if they even care to take the time. Highly doubtful. During that time, he/she is clearly not watching your child seeing as there is a lot of studying to prep for taking care of your small human. In all of my years of babysitting and nannying, only a few times have I ever had a parent leave me something that insults my intelligence like your list above. I never accepted jobs from those families again, nor did anyone else I know.
A babysitter is not a temporary parent for the night, more a temporary caregiver. They might even actually be a parent to their own children, considering you apparently think 50 somethings are lining up to babysit. Unless that is their sole income, I’ve never seen or heard of such a thing living in three different parts of the country.
As a grown, educated woman with a full time job, I am not going to take special child CPR classes (again 15 years later) and come over to “interview” with your family beforehand. I (and every other sitter friend I know) am also perfectly capable of driving and bathing babies and children. That might be one of the most absurd statements in this entire post! Every parent I’ve watched from high school on was elated if I could drive their kids somewhere or bathe them before bed. If you want all that, you should be looking on a sitter/nanny website where you can make those specifications.
A babysitter is not responsible for parenting your child, making sure they eat your specified foods, and only do exactly what you have listed on your special sheet for them. If you want your kids to be excited and happy that they get to have a sitter for the night, let them have special treats for good behavior when the sitter comes over. It makes it more fun and interactive for the kids as well as the sitter.
I’m not saying I let them eat cupcakes and watch horror films, not at all. I feed them well balanced meals that I eat with them. But if the parents tell me they have been well behaved during the week, I’ll treat them to a show or two while I paint their nails or give them a cookie. The excitement and joy I get to experience with them makes me want to come back and spend time with the kids I have grown to love and miss when I don’t see them.
Advice from a babysitter with 15 years of experience: Leave a note that lists both parents phone numbers and any medical issues to be aware of. Suggested bedtimes and a few notes if necessary. That is all. Seriously. This extreme over protection issue will only turn away good caregivers who would otherwise be interested in babysitting your children. Fact, I have before and will always if faced with the above in this post.
P.S. The going rate for an educated older babysitter in a large city/metropolis is about $20/hour per two children. If not, you will be paying a 16 year old to eat Domino’s and play on her phone all night.
Brittany Dixon says
Hi Emili, I appreciate you taking the time to write out such a detailed comment. I am sorry, however, that you took such offense to my post. I guess different things work better for different individuals and we will just have to agree to disagree.
Perhaps not every sitter is up to your caliber, or perhaps some just appreciate a little more direction, as I’ve been told by more than one of my sitters that they appreciate having the info. In fact, once we go over the bigger points up front, it’s easier on everyone because I don’t micromanage a thing.
I watch other kids on occasion too and though I feel I am a fairly confident caregiver, I prefer to be given some direction on how parents prefer their children to be handled or any special routines. I’m sure you know this as a seasoned sitter, but many children (especially young ones) thrive on routine and though special treats may be great for older kids, other children rely on a certain structure and knowing about that upfront actually make it a smoother experience for both child and caregiver.
I understand from your comment that you would also be offended to even be asked to come by for an interview, which is surprising, but to each their own. I pay very well for my sitters and feel that a meet and greet before leaving my children alone with someone isn’t that out of line.
Again, thanks for your feedback.
Sarah says
We recently were thrilled to find a young 20-something who works in a daycare (not ours, but one near our home) who was looking for extra income and missed having interaction with young infants (her home daycare currently has toddlers up) – our daughter is 8 months. We had a conversation before hand and I said I would leave a note with our phone numbers, and prep bottles/food for her. I asked her what else she would like to know and she requested I jot down her schedule for the day (naps/meals/etc) and if she needed a bath or anything particular. I think its really great to ask them what they would like to know. We discussed her rate – she said she made $8/hr in the daycare – I said we would pay $15. I text her in advance and ask if she would like dinner (pizza/sandwich). When I get home we have been chatting about how it went and our conversations typically lead me to adding more info to her sheet until we get a really good rhythm going. I have to say, it was somewhat awkward to hire a babysitter outside of family, but I’m thrilled I don’t have to ask favors and can simply schedule a professional. I do agree that sitters are not going to replace your care completely and similarly to the control you have to give up if your children are in daycare, be clear and adjust expectations. I would be upset if all rules went out the window, and similarly, as our daughter grows up, I will want her to look forward to special time with someone taking care of her so its enjoyable for both. Most importantly, keep the dialog going before and after each visit. I talk with our daycare providers morning/evening as well and it makes it easier for everyone.
Heather@hungryforbalance says
I think you bring up some excellent points in this post. We are fortunate enough to live close to both my mother and my husband’s parents, so we never want for a sitter. However, I could see this being very useful if they were unavailable or if I needed someone more on a day to day basis. I would fully expect anyone that I was paying to watch my child to follow my rules about food, discipline, bedtimes, etc. I love the guidelines you provided. Kudos to you for being so organized!
Kara says
Great advice! I babysat in high school and I remember one time the mom didn’t tell me where the phone was. This was back before everyone had cell phones so I had to call to ask her a question about something and was freaking out that I couldn’t find the phone. Haha
Heather says
i’m 26 and in grad school studying school psychology. i have used care.com and found some wonderful families that i have developed relationships with and currently care for their kiddos – some on a regular basis, some on an occasional basis while i’ve been in school. i just want to say that i really appreciate having the expectations outlined – especially for younger kids. it’s much easier for everyone when children have consistency, especially when they’re young. i also want to say that i agree with your points about having the right person for the right age group, but really some 17 year olds are equally as responsible as 35 year olds… in my opinion it just depends on the individual’s personality and experience. i think it’s important to emphasize in your advertisement that you want someone to enjoy kids of the age you have… those are the people who will eagerly jump in and play with your kids.
Jennifer says
Thank you for this! I used your template as a starting point – I wish I had this for the last nanny! And totally agree with #4! I’ve learned a lot from hiring sitters too, yet I hadn’t put it in writing until now. Our longtime nanny is leaving in a month, so we’re looking for a new one. It’s going to much easier this time because all expectations will be said upfront. I can’t believe I had to ask them to clean up after themselves, but it’s true.
Abby says
I’m the oldest of 6 kids and have babysat for YEARS. I can’t tell you how much I wish parents had left little notes like this when I first started out! Just knowing the basic household rules and how the parents handle minor things with the kids is huge. Also knowing that the parents are ok with you sleeping once the kids are down? Huge plus after a long day! I can’t wait to be able to implement something like this when I have my own kids in a few years and will need a sitter of my own! Great post!
Brittany Dixon says
Thanks so much for the feedback! I know such structure can be taken in different ways, but I’m so glad you think it would have been helpful! 🙂
Stefani says
Hello
I’m a 34 yr old teacher in San Diego, have M.Ed. (Masters Education), 8 years teaching & 20 years babysitting/nanny experience. You name it, I’ve experienced it, triplets (who wanted me to move to Columbia with them), newborns to toddlers to pre-pubescent adolescents to high school kids (I teach high school Chemistry & Physics). I TEACH CPR as well as lab safety to other teachers. I’m very type A, meticulous with cleaning (I like no NEED to work in a clean work environment too), and am very structured (yes Brittany, children usually thrive when given structure, especially when they are not used it). I will tell you with 100% confidence, a child in my care is often times in better care than with a family friend or relative. Experience.
I put out a fire when a candle fell over and lit the disrack on fire at a East Indian family gathering for one of my clients (side note: one if the best things about being a nanny, and a good one, is becoming a new family member, and it was so cool to witness and be included in their cultural traditions). I’ll get right to the point of my comment.
Brittany, while you may mean well, and where this “list” may be appropriate for a teenager who you hire to babysit (I cringed as I typed that, I could never and would never leave my children with an inexperienced child herself), people should not leave this for a babysitter! Most under 21 are not experienced or have the adequate training to handle an emergency if one should arise.
DO THE FOLLOWING FOOL PROOF STEPS TO FIND THE PERFECT NANNY/SITTER:
1) Your post/list was not “amazing”, life changing, nor will it help you attain and keep a reputable and superior in home childcare provider. This is a fact. You can disagree with it all you like. I’m trying to help you and your followers here.
2) The big picture of Emilis comment (while blunt and a bit harsh in wording) is accurate. Leave a short note w/ numbers (should be programmed in her cell anyway).
3) Lesli-There is a HUGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A YEAR OLD AND A 35 YEAR OLD. Only a twenty something would make such a statement.
Ok, so what do you do when you want a trustworthy, knowledgeable, and all around amazing child care provider? Follow these steps…..
1) DO YOUR HOMEWORK-this doesn’t mean a lengthy background check or going through a costly nanny agency ($1,000 for a placement is ridiculous).
-Google her name. Read. Read. Read. Click. Click. Click. Internet research is priceless.
– She has a degree? Ask her to bring proof. copy or transcripts. Easy and free.
– CALL REFERENCES! You call at least 3 and they love her? Continue to an interview. (side note-Nannies/Sitters are aware it’s standard practice to do a meet and greet without pay prior to 1st day)
2) When she comes over for a face to face sit down, ask her the following questions
If you do not have a newborn/infant/toddler:
a) why do you nanny/babysit? (getting her childcare philosophy is the goal. I’d jump in front of a bus for any of my nanny kids).
b) what would the typical day be with child (hint: “Whatever you want us to do”, leaving the house etc. should always be cleared by parents.). What are examples of creative activities she’s done? I love Pinterest and always adapt to my age group. It’s so fun for me! Especially when they meet their educational classroom goals bc of you.
c) what are some activities you’d do with my child during downtime? ** TV should always stay off, unless its educational & used to break up 13 hr day. Nanny is still working, i.e. food prep, cleaning, laundry, etc).
IF babies are in her care:
** ASK what she’d do if baby was choking and to demonstrate on a doll. (hint: she whacks the back hard). **Ask how she’s administer CPR & to demonstrate on doll. **Ask her to demonstrate how she’d put baby in crib & how long she’d let baby cry. ***Ask if she’d ever let baby sleep on tummy. ANSWER IS NO, it can lead to SIDS. **Ask her to demonstrate feeding baby. Does she burp?
3) Show her where 1st Aid kit, dog food/leash, medications, towels, etc. are
4) Leave notepad for her questions.
5) Never leave Wi fii password! She’s working. Even when they’re sleeping. Only a young one would expect this.**
6) She will never need the # to your local police, fire, or personal physician. IT’S CALLED 911. She SHOULD know how to administer CPR, the Heimlich, and how to stop immediate wound care (i.e. massive bleeding, tourniquet, etc.) And yes, I’ve successfully administered all 3.
7) Pay her a fair wage (more than minimum wage) & always tip 1st day or date night. Even a couple of $ will show her you appreciate her, which is priceless.
8) Last, invest in a $35 spy cam from Amazon. Do not tell her. Nannies should expect to be on camera. I do and I like it. I feel justified. I act the exact same. Which is how it should be.
9) Always tell her “Thank you” with a card or post it note every so often.
Good luck Moms & Dads! There are amazing and well qualified nannies & sitters out there. Just put in the work by following the steps above.
Take care,
Stefani