I completely forgot to take pictures of my food yesterday. There were bagels, eggs, avocados, broccoli, a dark chocolate ice cream bar (not a typo), oh, and dinner! I did take a picture of dinner.
So since I have no content for a WIAW post, I decided to tackle a reader question instead. I love getting questions from you guys, so keep sending them!
Question: How have you handled things financially and emotionally, as well as roles in the household, since becoming a stay-at-home mom (SAHM)?
Answer: Is going to be a bit more wordy…
To give a brief synopsis of my job/financial background: I graduated college and worked at an advertising agency in Atlanta, a typical 9-5. I moved to Charlotte and got a job in advertising with CBS radio. This was close to a 8:30-5, but with more flexibility since it was sales and I was out on the road. When I decided to transition to a health-focused career, I quit. I signed up to go back to school and started working at Bally Total Fitness part time. Around this time David and I got married. A few months later, I found the job I was after- a health coach with a local nutrition company. I started working on nutrition/health certifications, began being trained under great people and decided to not go back to school. This job was exciting because I was passionate about it. It also allowed me complete freedom over my schedule. I booked my own appointments with clients at the office, otherwise I worked from home. I loved this set up.
Finally, when David and I moved to the outskirts of Charlotte (ok, the suburbs) in 2010. I moved away from my job, started this blog and decided to start my own health coaching/nutrition business. With a new house and trying to start a business, I was busy, but I enjoyed it. I filed paperwork to form a LLC, I found office space, I went searching for clients. Eventually things got a place where I hired someone to do sales so I could focus on the business. Around this time, we found out we were pregnant with Hailey.
A few months later I realized the sales person I hired wasn’t pulling in the number of clients I needed and I had to do more of the door to door/health fairs/gym visits myself. It was time consuming. Thus began the discussion of whether or not I’d continue with the business or transition into a SAHM. I loved helping people. The fact that I’d still hear from some clients months or years later made me feel like I was really doing something beneficial. However, behind the scenes, there was a lot of work and it took up a lot of time. I contemplated transitioning to do web-based coaching only and working while at home, or if it would be worth it to find childcare and let me put my focus back into the business.
However, when Hailey was born, there was no doubt, I really felt like I was meant to be a mom. It never took much discussion. David and I agreed that home with Hailey was the right place for me to be for the time being.
*Hardly a brief background, huh? OK, to get to the questions!*
How we have handled the transition financially: From day one of saying I do, David and I joined our lives. We are in this life together and combining our dreams, goals and finances just made sense. Because of this, there was never any difficult “my money” or “your money” topics to discuss when I transitioned to staying home. This really made things go smoothly.
David had always made more than I did, so from the beginning we mostly lived off his paychecks and banked mine. When mine disappeared, it didn’t feel like a big impact. Also, I’ve picked up some at-home side gigs (the blog, social media management, etc) that have helped me make a little extra money while staying at home. This money largely goes into buying Hailey’s clothes, diapers, etc, so thank you guys for supporting me by visiting here!
It also helps that we are both savers, not spenders. (I know my dad still can’t probably believe that one!). We don’t spend money frivolously. We aren’t big on clothes, video games or home décor. We prefer to spend money on experiences and investing in our future. I don’t think it’s so much what we focus on, but that our priorities align. We never fight about money. Truly. Never. If one of us needs/wants something, we discuss it and budget it into our next month.
We do our best (though sometimes we fall off the bandwagon for a month or two) to budget each month before the month begins. Groceries, gas, bills, upcoming events, Hailey’s need, etc. Dave Ramsey would be proud. This works for us because it gives us an idea of what to expect for the month. If David needs new tires (which he does and those are so dang pricey!!), then we know to eat a few more meals at home and skip buying a hobby-item that month.
Honesty, transparency and communication ensure that we are on (and stay on) the same page. We are both involved with finances. We both know how much we bring home. We both know what are bills are each month. We both know how much we have in retirement and in savings. I think the fact that we are both involved and aware of our finances forces us both to take responsibility in how we handle them and pay attention to how often we swipe the plastic.
We also both know if the other one spends money. It’s not obsessive; David can buy a cup of coffee without having to immediately text me to report it. However, we are completely upfront with each other, even if it means David must admit he bought the super fancy beers or if I have to confess to getting over-excited at Whole Foods. We’ve never hidden purchases from each other, which allows us to trust each other with money without feeling like we need to check in or ask permission from each other.
Whew- this is getting incredibly wordy. Overall, I’m really proud of the way we handle our home finances. It’s actually been a seamless transition, largely because we didn’t have to change the way we spent money when I switched to staying at home. We had always (since marriage) handled money the way I outlined above. I’ll be back another day to discuss the emotional and home-roles transitions, which haven’t always been so smooth.
Are there any specific financial SAHM questions that I forgot to touch on?
How do you and your significant other handle finances?
Parita @ myinnershakti says
Vishnu and I pretty much do what you and David do – we joined our lives upon getting married, which included finances as well. This means that we’re open about our purchases. I’m not going to lie, it’s a little hard right now since we’re a one income family, but we’re all the more open because of it. I know I’m going to bite my words later but a small part of me can’t wait until Vishnu starts residency…a little less pressure on me and a little more money in the bank. 🙂
Brittany Dixon says
Just think, though, that you will be accustomed to living on the amount you do now, then when he is in residency, you’re going to be able to save and spend more because you’ll be comfortable living on less than you make. You’ll probably be super stars in finances!
Karen says
Exactly as you stated, together. Honesty is what has kept us married for 20 yrs!!!!
I had to chuckle when you said you will sometimes splurge at Whole Foods. For us stay at home moms, splurging at a grocery store is exciting, and that’s pretty funny. Most women would go crazy on shoes, bags or jewelery.
I would just like to point out, in my opinion, being a stay at home mom has been the HARDEST job I have ever had but also the most rewarding!
Brittany Dixon says
Haha! Glad I’m not the only one who gets giddy about food 😉 And yes, to your point, being a SAHM can be incredibly challenging. I’m looking forward to talking about it more during the emotional part of things 🙂
Madeline @ Food Fitness and Family says
Gosh – finances are tough in our house because I’m a spender and Chris is a saver. Our idea of “need” is different haha. BUT we make it work and that’s what matters. 🙂
Brittany Dixon says
I think the spender/saver combo is much more common! It’s probably nice because you can balance each other out. When David and I are both being cheap-o, there is no one to call us on it 😉
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Ashley @ My Food N Fitness Diaries says
We sound similar to you guys! We’re both not really spenders, so I will admit, that does make it a lot easier to only live on my husband’s income so I can stay home with Hunter. It’s always interesting to me how different people deal with this sort of thing – thanks for sharing! 🙂
Maria says
Personal finance is so fascinating to me and as crazy as it sounds, I love seeing how other people budget and handle their finances. I’d have friends and family where the husband would work, come home, plop the check on the table and the wife would budget and give him an allowance for the week. I’ve also seen where couples split everything 50/50.
I don’t think there’s right or wrong way, as long as it’s a way that makes you both happy. I know we keep our finances separate and people look at us like we are crazy, but it works for us and we NEVER fight about money. Ever. We split up the bills, not 50/50 because I make a lot less than he does, but I contribute what I can/want and he pays the rest. We are both very adamant about retirement savings and every extra penny goes into 401k accounts before it goes anywhere else – maxing out our 401ks is a must, no matter how frugal we need to live to do it. We don’t believe in debt. If we can’t pay it outright, we aren’t buying it. (Besides a house, ahem). We use our credit cards to pay for everything and pay them off at the end of the month to keep our credit scores high. Just similar styles of spending, savings, and accounting for our money have been lifesavers in never having to fight over money. Now him putting the empty milk carton back in the fridge…that’s a all out brawl 😉
Brittany Dixon says
Haha, empty milk in the fridge- love it! That’s how I feel when David opens the dishwasher and it’s clean and tried to sneak it back to closed before I notice 😉
I agree- no right or wrong way as long as you’re on the same page. I think talking about money and your financial plans is the important part. Thanks so much for sharing what works for you!
julia says
I love these types of posts!!
Question-Have you changed how much you put into savings or retirement contributions since Hailey was born? 2nd question–I’m also curious about if you talked about college funds for kids. I’m kind of overwhelmed thinking about retirement plus college for kids, although I don’t have kids yet! We are pretty good about saving and are similar to you guys in that we mostly spend on food and travel. I was fortunate and never had any loans and went to private school so I want to do the same for my kids, but I really don’t know if that is smart, as seemingly that is over 200 grand per kid just for college.
Brittany Dixon says
Oh gosh, yes, college prices are crazy! I went on scholarship (HOPE through the state of Georgia) and worked through college to be able to graduate without student loans. David and I both didn’t have student loans which I’ve realized makes SUCH a big difference financially. More so than I even realized when I graduated. We have a 529 (I think that’s what it’s called…) setup for Hailey. Money that people send Hailey for birthdays and holidays also goes to her savings for down the road.
As for retirement, we max out David’s 401k and our IRAs and set all extra money (not going to bills) aside and invest that as well. I wish money wasn’t so taboo because I’d love to be more specific, but it sounds like you and I are on the same page with planning for the future. I think the trick (I hope… obviously we are still young, too!) is to start early and stay consistent with putting money away. Investing as much as you can early on and allowing it to grow over the years really helps. It’s hard to catch up if you wait until later in life to think about it.
Thanks for commenting!
Dominique @ That's What Domi Said says
This is so neat to see how your career/financial progression has gone over the years. It’s especially encouraging for me, as a single girl just out of college, to see that the financial-blending aspect of marriage can be very smooth and uncomplicated and doesn’t have to be this horrid mess (something I’ve always feared!). Thanks for sharing! 🙂
Brittany Dixon says
Hah! I used to think the same thing! How do you figure out money? How does anyone ever buy a house? It’s all so overwhelming! Luckily it can all go smoothly if you’re open to discussing the tough subjects (like finances!) before you hitch yourself to someone 😉
Jayme says
I was the person who asked this question…thanks for the post! It actually very refreshing to hear that we have similar money values/ideals. Our lifestyle has certainly changed since I started staying home (fancy dinners out and vacations are a thing of the past), but being home with our baby is 100% worth it!
Looking forward to the rest of this little series. 😉
Brittany Dixon says
Thank you for asking it! I look forward to talking more about my emotional adjustments. I never gave it a lot of thought, so it’s fun to reflect on.
Mike @ Midwestern Bite says
Luckily our transition to Joanna being a SAHM mom was rather seamless as well. We always knew we’d love her in that role if it could happen.
She struggles with thinking she doesn’t bring any money into the household and I remind her daily how important her job is raising our family!
Our biggest fights are usually about me making sexual innuendo Blog Titles when I guest post for her. 😉
Brittany Dixon says
Oh, tell Joanna I can relate! I look forward to talking about the emotional side of things. I struggled not bringing home any money at first, too. It’s hard to quantify the work we do as SAHMs. It sounds like she has a pretty awesome husband though who recognizes and appreciates her hard work. 😉 I can’t tell you how much having that from David has helped me!
Bethany says
haha….oh I laughed out loud at how you described yourself as getting overly excited at Whole Foods- I do the same thing…too much, ha! Great post. Love you transparency about sharing your life, as a SAHM I find it encouraging. We took a similar approach in that even before baby we lived solely off my husband’s paycheck (I didn’t make much!), which really helps transitioning to being a SAHM because we weren’t hurting for that extra paycheck. And you are so right that budgeting helps a ton too. I can feel so much better about my spending when it’s organized in a budget.
Kristen @ notsodomesticated says
Brandon and I sound very similar to you guys. Unfortunately, our only bummer is that we both have student loan debt. So a big chunk of Brandon’s income (since I’m now a SAHM) goes to paying those off. But it is what it is. I’m just thankful we didn’t enter the marriage with credit card debt, because I know that it’s a lot more challenging to pay down due to high interest rates!
Karen says
Such wonderful tips! I am now at home with Keely and we are down to one income but working with it. Trying to find a little side gig so I have some extra money around the holidays.
Chantal says
We use the Dave Ramsey system and it works great!!
Colleen C says
I would live to know more about how you deal with division of labor (cooking, cleaning, laundry) — that’s where Greg and I struggle a bit sometimes!
Brittany Dixon says
Totally going to touch on this when I talk about ‘roles’ – it was challenging to sort out at times for sure!
Kelli H (Made in Sonoma) says
Thanks for touching on this subject, because I find it fascinating as well. It’s something David and I are learning to deal with right now. After our wedding, we decided to get a joint banking account, because like you said, it’s our lives together. We lived together for 4 years before our wedding with separate accounts and tried to split everything which worked great! It’s different/harder now, because he’s working very part time while finishing a second degree while I’m bringing home most of the money to support us. It’s hard for me not to get on him about his spending. He’s definitely a spender while I’m a saver! It’s quite the balancing act. I hope it changes when he starts to work full time next summer. Student loans is also definitely a challenge…don’t even get me started on those! haha.
Brittany Dixon says
I imagine that must be pretty challenging at times! As the one-who-makes-less in our marriage though, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate David’s attitude towards it being “our” money. It really makes it feel like we are in it together. I imagine when you are the one out earning the majority of the dough, it can’t be an easy task, so kudos to you for pulling the heavy load while he gets his degree and being awesome about it. I’m sure David appreciates you as much as I appreciate David! (…sounds kind of odd with the two Davids, but you know what I’m saying! ;))
Katie says
I am very interested on your emotional SAHM post. I will be resigning in November and have been a working since I was 14. My husband got a promotion and we will be moving. It’s a great opportunity but I’m due in a month with our second daughter and I’m going I be very honest that I am sooo nervous about transitioning to a SAHM when we relocate but with the timing of the job and the baby it just makes sense and of course it’s a good opportunity for our girls–but it’s not something I ever envisioned. Anyway I am embracing this new experience and look forward to your post!
Emily @ Perfection Isn't Happy says
My husband and I take a very similar approach to finances. Since May, he has been the sole provider, and I’ve been at home doing different part-time gigs while job searching. I’d love to be a stay at home mom one day, so it’s been really nice to see that we can survive comfortably on one income. We prefer to spend money on experiences (and food, what can I say) rather than material things, so we never really regret spending the extra money that we do. Since I have more time to do so, I pay the bills, but I don’t have any fancy way of keeping track of our purchases. I know that I probably should someday, but right now, our system is working!
Brittany Dixon says
Haha, my ‘fancy’ way of monitoring spending is by monitoring the credit card and keeping track in a spiral notebook! So don’t feel bad for not having a fancy method 😉
I’ve used Mint and Quicken, but never could stay committed to them.
Lindsay says
Great post! I am a huge Dave Ramsey fan and I agree, he would be proud! Way to go 🙂
What does David do for a living?
Brittany Dixon says
I always enjoy meeting another Dave fan 🙂
And as for David, he’s in medical sales!
Marjorie says
Although I currently work a corporate job, my husband and I handle finances very much like you and your husband do. We are not wealthy by any means, but we have no debt, except for our mortgage. We “pay ourselves first” by making all retirement and savings transactions automatic (i.e. deducted from our paychecks).
And even though I am not fully sure if I will stay corporate, or become a SAHM one day, I know that keeping our financial house in order will keep my options more open.
Brittany Dixon says
LOVE the pay-yourself-first mantra. I think it’s a smart way to do things!
Marjorie says
And PS…I am anxiously awaiting the second part of this post! The emotional and home-roles transitions. 🙂 Good topics of discussion.
Paulina says
My husband and I are also completely upfront on all purchases and both tend to be savers rather than spenders.
My question is do you think if your career as a health coach had been more in place before you got pregnant that you’d still choose to stay home?
I’m very interested to read your future post on the emotions and changing household roles that came along with being a SAHM as that’s something I might be facing in a few months time. I’m due with my second in January and we’re currently planning on me returning to work after my maternity leave. Working part time is not even worth it, since my income would be about the same as the cost of daycare. So it’s all or nothing. I have a pretty decent job so it also feels very risky to quit when I’d most likely want to return to work in 5 years time anyway.
Looking forward to your future posts on this topic!
Brittany Dixon says
That’s a great question and one I’m not sure I can answer. I’m sure if things were rolling more steadily, it would have been that much harder to leave my clients/passion. However, I’ve gotten to a place where I truly love the balance I have at home now. So, to answer your question, I’m not quite sure! What I love about health coaching though is that when the kid/s are older, it’s there as an option for me to go back to if I’d like. So it’s nice to know it’s there if I decide I want to go back. Great question!
Heather @fitncookies says
I really enjoyed reading about this because it is something we are debating whenever we have kids. I would love to work as a teacher, but I don’t even have that job yet, so who knows. I think it’s great how you guys talk about it and solve things!
Matt @ The Athlete's Plate says
Sounds like a lot to juggle! I’m still single with disposable income so I’m probably not much help.
Ashley says
We are so much alike! We do the same thing – except we make a highly categorized yearly budget that includes an “Ashley Misc” and “Ryan Misc” that we can spend on whatever. (It’s small but does relieve some of the guilt!) Planning for the year helps us plan out big home projects, goals, etc. We’ve saved tens of thousands of dollars without even noticing a change in lifestyle – we just think before we swipe a little more.
Krista says
I had the same feeling when my daughter was born (“there was no doubt, I really felt like I was meant to be a mom”), but being a working mom doesn’t mean I’m less of a mom. My husband and I are the same with finances and with us both working and making great money we don’t have to do much budgeting since we’re not huge spenders.
Neil Butterfield says
My wife & I run seperate businesses so we pretty much run our own finances. That said, we both contribute into the monthly budget.
char eats greens says
We live off of Tyler’s earnings too, which he is fine with. We both agreed as well, that me staying home was the right choice. Although I do leave for school 2 days a week, which I will SO be looking forward to once I’m no longer in school (it’s a hate-hate relationship right now lol). I love this post and hearing the backstory to how it lead you here.