I live a good life. I don’t say that to brag, but rather to acknowledge that I’m aware that things are good for me. The people I love are healthy. I am healthy. I enjoy my days being Hailey’s mom. I am grateful that to have the ability to workout and the opportunity to enjoy cooking. I love my life.
…which is why I think I experience such guilt with asking for help. I rarely ask for help because I don’t feel as though I deserve it. Typing that makes me cringe, but it’s true. Who am I to feel stressed? I get to live this wonderful life. Who am I to feel overwhelmed? What do I need a break from?
But I do need breaks or eventually I break down. Like I did on Friday.
Toddlerhood is no joke. Along with growing curiosity, heart warming giggles and seeing Hailey’s eyes light up as she explores her world comes a growing sense of independence, tantrums, teething and in the past week, spotty sleep habits.
I love being a mom. I feel like I was born to do it, but some days it still exhausts me.
And Friday I finally broke. Through sniffly tears I told David I was exhausted and frazzled. I trudged right through confessing my need for a little extra “me” time while pushing the guilt of feeling selfish aside.
David was wonderful. He listened, offered ideas of what we could do to make things better and insisted I take a day to myself, which somehow made me feel more guilty.
Seriously, I’m working on the guilt. It’s unnecessary.
Instead of insisting that ‘no, no, I’m fine’, I snuggled up to him and just said thank you.
Saturday I enjoyed a morning with David and Hailey, then when the ice finally melted and nap time came, I took off.
I grabbed a green tea from the Human Bean and went to my happy place- Barnes and Noble. This time I didn’t head straight to the kids area. I took my time browsing magazines and books, grabbed a few and set up shop in- gasp– the adult area.
For a silent, uninterrupted hour I perused magazines and people watched. Then, this happened.
I can’t remember the last time I had a pedicure and it was pure bliss. I played on my phone, messed with the massage chair, then spent time just sitting there with my eyes shut.
From there I brought my book into Panera and snagged a fireside armchair to enjoy my coffee and blueberry scone.
A few times I had to fight my urge to call David to check in or to just go home because I was being overindulgent, but I stuck it out.
Over those hours, I felt a weight lift off of me. I was reminded of how much I enjoy alone time and became incredibly aware of how little of it I have these days.
After almost 6 hours out on my own, I was ready to go home. I literally skipped through the door. I might have twirled. I felt so relaxed, so light. Hailey ran up to hug me and David was stirring the chili he made for dinner. He makes a pretty good Mr. Mom.
The day was a good reminder to me that I’m not superwoman and that it’s ok to lean on people. That’s what husbands, family and friends are for. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and I believe it, but I’m learning that it only works if you actually let the village help.
Do you ever have trouble asking for help?
The winner of the Maui Jim giveaway is #170- Allison from Running True. Congratulations!