Remember when the only pictures of your birthday were blurry snapshots from the bar at 2am?
Now they’re posed, self-timed family pictures at 6pm.
Remember when you’d get an entire cake that you could snack on for days?
Now it’s two lonely slices, to be mostly devoured by an excited three-year-old, because your wife sees no need for extra cake to be hanging around the house (buzzkill).
Remember when the focus was all on you as you tore through your gifts?
Now you must relinquish the joy of opening presents to your oldest that keeps singing happy birthday so she can move on to the good stuff (cake).
Remember when your new shiny toy was yours, all yours, to keep in pristine condition?
Now the brand new, out-of-the-box gift has smudgy, grubby little finger prints on it within a minute of opening.
Remember when the celebration began with a 9pm pregame party?
Now it winds down at about that time after bath, story time and an hour of playing your guitar in your new (supportive) slippers.
Remember when you got to sleep in the next morning?
Remember when birthdays were even sweeter than they are now?
…me neither, babe, me neither.
What year was your best birthday?