The past 10 days have been incredibly difficult for me. Two Fridays ago I received a call from my doctor about possible concerns with the baby’s health. Before I even got through the phone call, I broke down in tears.
By some grace of God, David was here that morning and, as always, immediately became my rock. At times like that, I’m not great at being logical. My emotions simply take over. I went right in for more blood tests, then was told results would take 10 days.
I cried, I kept largely to myself, I googled and learned more than I ever wanted to know. Then, I picked myself up and made myself busy. We went to the Renaissance Fair, we went hiking, we met up with friends at Great Wolf Lodge, I busied myself with taking Hailey out and about. It was the longest 10 days of my life.
Yesterday at 5:30pm, after I had given up hope I’d hear anything that day, my phone rang. It was one of my doctors, who happens to be a good friend of mine too, and the first thing she said was ‘It’s all good. It’s all good news.”
Again, I broke down in tears.
Immediately I felt a million times lighter. I felt humbled with gratitude. I felt like my world finally started spinning again. I realized how much I had been faking it, even to myself, that I had been doing ok.
It’s easy to take things for granted, even when we actively try to recognize how blessed we are. Perhaps in some ways I unknowingly took my pregnancy with Hailey for granted, but this one has, from the start, made me realize what a true miracle pregnancy, childbirth and even life itself is.
This morning I woke up, after a good night’s sleep at last, and felt alive again. I know that sounds dramatic, but I’m driven by emotions, not logic, and the past 10 days have been so emotionally taxing.
I’m ready to play, to cook and I guess to finally clean up the house and attack the laundry that has become a monstrous disaster over the past 10 days. I feel, well, I’m not sure, lucky isn’t the right word. I feel curious as to why my life gets to go back to a new, bright normal while there must be so many that get phone calls that don’t bring good news. I imagined myself in that position so many times over the past 10 days and my heart aches for those that have gotten those phone calls instead.
Tomorrow I will get life going again. I’ll write and catch you all up on the pregnancy, I am almost 15 weeks after all. I’ll get back in the kitchen and attack the list of recipes I’ve been thinking about. I’ll get my body moving and the wheels of our household spinning again.
But today is for reflection, for compassion and for overwhelming gratefulness.