Who do I want to be in this season?

That’s a question I’ve been asking myself lately and am receiving a different answer from myself every time I ask it.

Does this have to do with which week of my cycle I ask? I actually believe it does- ha! Which is making coming up with an answer I feel good about consistently quite challenging.

Here are a few answers I’ve come up with:

• Lean into reels! Video is fun to watch and just come up with different topics each day then do those day in a life type videos. I can show making meals, a day in the life of Finley, a home school morning, workout details, pantry favorites- how fun!
• Delete all social media embrace a quieter life, putting all thoughts and funny happenings on the blog. I like writing more than anything, so that will be such a good fit without the constant buzz of IG vying for my attention.
• Start a podcast with David where we talk through topics together, each sharing our areas of expertise (AKA what we’ve learned over the years) but in a conversational way. So many fun topics could be covered- short term rentals, family roles, obstacles we’ve overcome, goal setting, health evolution, etc.
• Actually learn how to use Substack beyond my weekly newsletter (that I thoroughly enjoy). It’s one of the few ways you can still organically grow, after all.
• Wait… do I care about growth? I honestly don’t think I do. Yet if I leaned more into content creation I could revive partnerships and that’s fun! But then again, staying small and personal is my jam, is less work, and fulfills my need for a creativity outlet.
• OMG my oldest is in high school and the years of us all under the same roof are rushing by. I will quit everything and pour every ounce of myself into soaking up every single minute. Also, let’s travel everywhere.

Is this my midlife crisis?

With no flashy red convertible to show for it?

I also alternate between feeling old and then thinking that 42 (ok, almost 43) is actually such a SWEET SPOT in life because I’m still young enough to do and enjoy the things and have the adult money to make them happen.

I also hate how self centered this all sounds and feel like I should probably be telling all this to a psychologist (dad, are you listening?) instead of the internet, but this space has also always been such a journal for me and I like that about my “corner of the internet.”

So maybe I’m just looking for some friends to chat with. That’s what’s actually so funny about blogging to me. I am sharing so much about my life, but in person, I feel like I actually share very little about my life. I am always more interested in what’s happening in your life. I love people. I love hearing what makes them tick. I love understanding where they came from and how that impacts the decisions they’ve made. I love knowing someone’s passions and how they prioritize how they spend their time.

Don’t get me wrong, I like sharing my thoughts and experiences, too, but am finding them harder to come out and talk about without someone asking directly. I think that’s why I always like “ask me anything” boxes or blog topic requests. Because I am actually quite an open book but rarely know what anyone actually cares to hear about.

OK, I just thought of another idea to add to my list above: host a retreat so anyone else feeling all these contradicting thoughts bouncing around their heads can join me with a glass of tea (or wine!) and dive into discussing this one, wonderful life we get to live and how to make the most of it.

But would anyone even come… ?

Best not to think about it and instead go take the progesterone I was prescribed today and see if it helps quiet the mind and make me feel less irritable during my luteal phase, like I’ve been told it will. And that’s my quick HRT update. I’m trying 100mg of bio-identical progesterone at night before bed. She says if I hate it I can go off of it cold turkey, no issue, so I’m willing to give it a try. I will report back!

Because apparently oversharing on my blog is my jam.

Anyone else out there around age 40 and wondering who they want to be in this next season?