Oh my friends. What a weird world it is right now.
I have been, which I assume is similar to you, all over the place emotionally over the past few weeks. I started off so strong and really wanting to help you in anyway I could, so I pumped out my favorite resources for at-home learning, shared how I’ve managed to make working part time from home happen while homeschooling, and compiled your best dinner planning tips for during quarantine. I got excited to talk about the movies we are watching with the kids so we could all focus on the togetherness silver lining of this hard time.
Then, my personal roller coaster took a nose dive. My Grandma Betty passed away and we don’t have the ability to celebrate her life the way we want to right now. We’re all planning on getting together for her birthday in August, but who knows what we can really plan right now.
After that news, the weather turned and it was cooler and rainy. David continues to have to go work at the hospitals, which I’m both grateful for (income) and super frustrated with at the same time. I’ve probably been on my phone too much reading the latest news updates, too, which never helps my mood, and I’ve found it harder to be motivated to do anything during the day.
I’m doing better today, but am well aware I’m still on a roller coaster, same as you. I’m forcing myself to focus on the things I do have control over (which doesn’t feel like much right now). However I can choose to be off my phone. I can choose to get dressed. I can choose to bake cookies just for the heck of it, eat them as part of dinner, and have the girls not be able to fall asleep until 10:00 PM because of the sugar rush. #truestory
I’m trying to stay motivated in my work, too. Like so many others, revenue is lower because of marketing dollars being cut or put on hold. I also don’t know whether to write content I hope can be helpful to you or to transition back to sharing the mundane details of our day to day. Should I spend more time here or less? Are people reading blogs right now? I’ll be honest, I’m reading just a few.
I’m frustrated that my normal optimistic demeanor is being challenged daily, but grateful that my heart is still finding a way to look for the good. I’m glad I’ve made gratitude a staple in my routine because gosh darn it, when I look for things to be grateful for, they are certainly still there, shining brightly. My family, our fortitude, our home, our access to food.
Another gift? The gift of perspective.
Have you seen that meme that says “in the rush to get back to normal, consider which things are worth rushing back to.” I might have mixed up the wording, but I feel that way about several things. This time has given me the gift of more deeply considering where we spend our time and money. We’ve been able to contemplate if those things are really additive to our life, or if they were just habits we created along the way. When this is over, I’ll be curious to see how we all rebuild. It’s like we’ve been forced into a reboot, and similar to a good closet clean out, I’m carefully going to consider each item before I put it back in or not.
Whew, I’m chatty. Like so many others, I’m craving connection right now so thank you for letting me have this little solo therapy session in this space. It’s amazing how writing out concerns lifts them up and away, even if it’s just temporary. It can feel hard to share what we are going through right now because there is always going to be someone that has it harder than you. In the online space, with so many people hurting, I’ve noticed that some people are quick to point out the ways their situation is more difficult. That makes me feel like I don’t deserve to feel what I’m feeling, but that’s not true.
There is a big difference between complaining and talking about what you are experiencing. And I’d encourage you to talk about it. My hard is going to look different from your hard, but there’s no award for who has it worse. Your feelings are valid and the best way to get through the lows is through sharing and connection, so don’t push those feelings down.
Today is April 1 and for us, the sun is peeking through. We’re spending a lot of today pulling pranks on each other. I made the girls a tray of “brown-Es” (cut out of construction paper) for breakfast. Hailey made a mask from a paper plate to pretend she was a monster logging on to her Zoom history class (April fools!). And Kaitlyn told me she was dressed then burst out of the stairway in pajamas yelling APRIL FOOLSSSSSS. In any light, it’s giving us a lot of reasons to giggle today. 😊
That’s the latest from here, but I’m going to be hanging out in the comment section of this post now. And I’d love to hear from you. What’s going on in your world right now? What are the blessings? What are the challenges? What are your worries? What are your blessings?
John J. Stathas says
Challenging times for sure. Your emotional roller coaster is pretty “normal” for these abnormal times. Grandma Betty’s death probably has added to the turmoil. For me, staying with the grateful theme, being safe, finding fun where possible, being “productive” are the ways I’m trying to live positively day by day. Thanks for your heartfelt sharing. You are one special human being, my daughter! 🙂
Brittany Dixon says
You’re the best I know at controlling the focus of your mind, so I keep following in your footsteps and following the same plan you described in your comment. Love you, Dad!
Jaclyn says
Hey Brittany! First off, I am so sorry about the loss of your Grandma Betty. It must be so hard to grieve at a time like this.
I’m a SAHM of 3 and I’ve been going through the exact same roller coaster as you (and I think all of us are, to an extent!). I was feeling so positive and motivated for a few days, but then yesterday it all came crashing down and I wound up crying in my room for about an hour in the middle of the day. I am just mourning the loss of a sense of normalcy, the loss of not having an undercurrent of fear and worry all the time, and feeling mad at myself for not truly appreciating the simple things in life – like taking the kids to a park, or going to the gym – before this all happened. Plus, I’ve got huge fears and concerns about what happens if my husband and I both get sick (who will take care of our kids!?), or end up hospitalized…it’s a lot to bear while trying to keep our household running and kids working on homeschool. Honestly, it felt so much better to have a good cry. I also listened to Brene Brown’s new podcast, the episode on comparative suffering, and it helped me realize it’s ok to have my feelings, even when someone else might be going through something worse. I am going to stop refreshing the news so frequently too – it’s just contributing to a sense of sadness and hopelessness, which is not a good thing. Anyway, hang in there. It is nice to know we are not alone in our feelings right now!
Brittany Dixon says
Thank you for reminding me that Brene Brown started a podcast!! I love her and just subscribed. I agree with you that when the tough feelings bubble up, it’s best to let them out with a good cry. I always feel better afterwards, ready to take a more hopeful step forward. Thank you for connecting and sharing with me; it definitely helps to know we are not alone!
Laura says
Hi Brittany,
I wanted to say again how sorry I am for you Grandma Betty’s passing. Thank you for the beautiful post/ tribute you wrote, and the pictures!
I relate to so much of what you are feeling during this pandemic. I have been trying to stay away from FB because there seems to be so much judging going on right now, from how many rolls of toilet paper people have to if people have the right to exercise, or grocery shop with kids, or maintain contact with neighbors, or be upset about cancellations (graduations, parties, etc). I personally struggle a lot with working from home. I’ve always prided myself on keeping my work at work and home at home. It is a system that has always worked well for me, as it allows me to be more present, effective, and in the moment. But the mix of the two, plus now being tied to my laptop throughout the day has been miserable. I had a really nice spring break and some extra days after for planning upcoming lessons/ videos for my students, but ultimately my time and attention is now fully divided. I find it much easier to lose my patience with my kids when I’m trying to explain a math solution over email and it takes me 5 tries. I know you mention your struggle with optimism is hard for you, and for me, it is my struggle for patience. I also miss my 120 students, and fear that there will be no closure for them for this school year. I am humbled by their efforts at distance learning, even though I know, as middle schoolers with both parents typically working, they are navigating this completely on their own, and possibly also having to care for younger siblings. I heard a few students talking on our last day (back when we thought the closure would just be an added week to spring break!), about how they didn’t want school to close. Schools provide so much more than education for these students. They provide a safe place, a social environment, a place with guaranteed meals, and love and support from teachers and staff. Anyhow, thank you for this post. From my perspective, these type of real feeling/ discussion type posts are my favorite!
Brittany Dixon says
While many of us have a couple kids to worry about, it sounds like your heart is with 120+. That has to be a challenge! And I know what you mean about the working from home challenge. I’ve always heard people say it’s the best of both world’s but I’ve never seen it that way, especially at my kids’ ages that don’t understand why I’m on my computer and not playing a board game. I will say, that incredible teachers like you, are still giving a (new) sense of normalcy into so many children’s lives. You are being their rock and constant in a world that doesn’t have a lot of that right now. What you are doing is hard, but you are so important right now. Thank you for sharing your current story with me; sending you a big hug!
Cassie says
I am reading! Gosh what a time is right. It’s such a blessing to have littles that dont want to dwell in the sadness and the lack but just want to play and have fun. So we are playing and having fun. And reading a lot. One beautiful moment at a time, right? Thank you for your time and connection. It means a lot right now.
Brittany Dixon says
You are so spot on, Cassie. I think my kids are making me laugh and keeping me happily distracted more than I’ve been giving credit too. <3
Jenny says
Although not the most amazing things to relate to, these are such trying times, and it still feels good to connect-even virtually! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. Timing is never great, for anything. I lost my job on St. Patrick’s Day. This was a job I had despised since I started, and had been searching for a new one for almost two years. While I am slightly relieved to have left, I feel lost, and lonely not being able to see family. I’ve really tried to shift my perspective and my focus, and put it towards creativity and movement. Both things I wish I had more “time” for prior to the pandemic. As I think to the future, I know new things will happen, and this is the sort of reboot you mentioned.
Brittany Dixon says
I’m sorry about your job, but it sounds like it was a mixed blessing. I love that you are trending towards movement and creativity; what beautiful things to focus on right now!
Lindsay says
Please keep writing and sharing your daily life … in this time of uncertainty it is so nice to know that others are continuing to live their lives and that once these orders and rules are lifted life can and WILL go back to normal. I am struggling to find ANY positives from this current situation but maybe in a year I will look back and have a different opinion. I am sorry to hear that you won’t be able to have a memorial for your Gran. Also, how is it going with your dad and his health during all of this?
Brittany Dixon says
I love your reminder, because I agree, we will certainly get through this and will come out the other side with a life-changing perspective no doubt. My dad is doing well right now. I think about my parents and my in-laws daily, but am not letting my mind go down worrying paths (the best I can anyway ;)).
Leah says
Thank you for sharing with us during this difficult time. I am very sorry to hear about your loss of your Grandma Betty. I think most of us are feeling these roller coaster of emotions. Not being able to surround myself physically with my extended family for support has been the hardest for me. My sister gave birth to her first child today and I’m heartbroken I can’t be there. So many joyous occasions changed or taken away from us now. I’m trying to focus on the positives and enjoy the little things with my kids. Also acknowledging that it’s ok to feel blah here and there too. Please continue to share your life with us. We are all in this together!
Brittany Dixon says
A big congratulations to your sister! I hope she was able to have a support person there with her. It must ache not being able to be there yourself. Thank goodness we live in an age of facetiming and picture messaging. Sending you a lot of love, from one roller coaster to another 🙂
sherry says
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and emotions with us–you do it so beautifully heart felt!
I never was a big fan of roller coasters and I am definitely not any more! Most of the time I am an optimistic person–see the good, positive, grateful, etc. and it has been very easy for me , because I have had it all. Times now are more challenging because I worry about my family, how they are coping, the healthcare workers, etc.—who was it that said worrying is like rocking in a chair-gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere.? Then I change my thoughts to how fortunate we are to not worry about a place to live, we have plenty of food, our families are safely tucked away from harms way, it’s spring and I can be outside. I make my gratitude list, a cup of coffee, and go online to see if I can order some tomato plants ; so that when this too has passed, I’ll have enough tomatoes to share with all my family and friends.
Love you my kind, beautiful, daughter!
Jess Mathias says
I personally miss blogs – Instagram is great and it’s visual, but for me – I really love reading and connecting thru a blog. Esp when it’s non-content driven. We are on such a roller coaster right now and I’ve personally been experiencing emotions that I’ve never experienced. As we all are. I’m trying to embrace them – understand why I’m feeling that way – and then accept that feeling but try not to let that emotion settle in for the long term. I think you perfectly summed it up – this time is a great way to evaluate what’s important and what we will get back to when it’s all over. We are all in this together. Sending lots of hugs during this difficult time.
Glenda says
Hi Brittany,
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your Grandma. The post you wrote painted such a lovely picture of her. She sounds like an incredible woman.
Thank you for sharing this post and all you have written recently. I don’t know how many people are reading, but I really do appreciate the glimpse into other people’s worlds at the moment. Everyone has their challenges and writing and talking about them is helpful. Please keep posting.
Kathy says
Yes, keep writing and sharing your life in this space. 🙂 I too count my blessings daily. Keep the faith and wishing you a day full of sunshine!!!
Gina says
Sorry for the loss of your Grandma.
Also wanted to say thanks for sharing your homeschooling resources! I’ve been following you for a while, and now that my kids are home from school, I extra-appreciate all the resources you have shared on this space! We’ve even ordered some of the workbooks you’ve suggested – it’s been incredibly helpful to have your personal experiences, resources and encouraging perspective here 🙂 Thank you!
Brittany Dixon says
I am so glad it’s been helpful; Gina! I hope you are doing well <3
ashlea says
I’m frustrated that my normal optimistic demeanor is being challenged daily, but grateful that my heart is still finding a way to look for the good
This sentence right here – yes! Thank you for continuing to share, normal stuff, crazy right now life stuff, all of it. I am loving my little bits of normal right now – my favorite blogs, podcasts, walks so I say keep posting 🙂
stay well!
Brittany Dixon says
If you have any blog or podcast recommendations, send them my way please 🙂 I’m always looking for new ones!