Feeling a little introspective today, so bear with me, but… isn’t life crazy?
Though some days seem to drag by, one day you wake up and it seems like decades have passed you by in the blink of an eye. I had a moment like this yesterday. I took Kaitlyn, all clean and snuggled in pajamas, into her room to nurse before bed. I’ll admit that I often use this time to scan emails or read blogs, but yesterday I left my phone behind in favor of a quiet moment with my baby. It was cloudy outside and she snuggled up to me, letting out a heavy sigh and closing her eyes. I smiled and brushed her soft baby hairs behind her ear. I started thinking about how I could commit these moments to memory, but knew that slowly they would fade with time, just like they’ve done with Hailey. Certainly fragments and poignant moments remain, but overall I keep trying to live life in the present and work on savoring moments rather being so worried about preserving them.
My mind wandered to how I got here. Not the physical here, but this station in life. So much of me still feels so young, and in many ways I know that I am, but the hard facts say that I’m 31 years old, married, with two children. That still feels so bizarre to say out loud. It’s like my life is happening and progressing without me even noticing it. Wasn’t I just in college? (Newsflash: no) But then I realized that that isn’t really true. I put a lot of effort into trying to live with my goals in mind and letting that intention guide me to the decisions I make. Sometimes I am fully conscious to make choices based on larger goals and ideas, but I also often get sidetracked with the hustle and bustle of life. The appointments, the dirty floors, the light bulbs that need changing… it is easy to let those things distract me. And I find after too many days or weeks in a row of the hustle and bustle distraction, I need a conversation to help me refocus on the why of it all.
I’m grateful to be married to a man that is as big on living with intention as I am. In fact, in many ways he has probably helped me fine tune my focus. We both want big things out of this life of ours, as I’m sure many of you do too. We often comb over our dreams and pinpoint where we are on the road map that should get us there. It may sound monotonous to some (I promise we aren’t super dull… doth thou protest too much?), but checking in every so often helps keep us focused, excited and making choices that will ultimately get us to our next step.
In no way can any of us control everything in this life, so I try to focus on what I can control. Like we all do, I have limited time, so I try to fill my calendar with purposeful activities. I make time to meal plan and cook because they directly impacts the health of my family, which is a top priority of mine. After all, my ideal life plan has them all intricately included for, well, ever. I make time to work out because it’s vital to my physical and mental well being. I find time to have a glass of wine and conversation with David, as well as quality time with the girls and trying to see family as much as I can. I make time to blog and meet up with friends because it’s my social outlet and connection… and I so crave connection. David and I do our best to take great care with the decisions we make with our money. Sure we’ve bought the random thingamajig here and there and paid an occasional stupid tax, but we also adhere to financial plans, live within our means and save like crazy. All steps to inch us forward towards our dreams.
I don’t have it all figured out and I certainly don’t always maintain a constant, steady balance (as I’ve documented here many a time), but while rocking Kaitlyn I had this whole conversation (pep talk?) in my head about living with intention. Because I don’t want to time travel again and be 10 years down the line without being closer to our family goals. So on the days I feel run down or overextended, I take inventory. I ask myself, are the ways I’m filling my days helping me to become the person I want to be— healthy, family-focused, giving, kind, hardworking and goal oriented– or are they unnecessary stresses? Asking myself this helps me filter out superfluous clutter and refocus on what ultimately matters.
Do you feel you make decisions with intention?
What are some of the goals you have for your future?