I always knew I wanted to be a mom. Still, when we found out we were pregnant with Hailey after officially deciding to wait one more year, a flurry of emotions took over me. Excitement, joy and a little of ‘oh man, are we really ready?’
Like everyone says, you are never really ready, but once Hailey arrived I was head over heels in love. Life did a 180, as it does with bringing home a child, and I started soaking up this new existence and identity.
I always knew I always wanted more than one child, so trying to get pregnant again was a no brainer. When I was pregnant the second time I remember wondering if I could possibly love another as much as I loved my first. Silly me. Kaitlyn arrived and like the Grinch, my heart instantly tripled in size. I can’t picture life without my happy, busy, giggly baby girl.
I find myself amazed at how quickly the second one grows. She is always wanting to be on the go, but I still try and hold her still sometimes so I can smell her little head and take mental pictures of her drool-soaked, toothless grin. I find myself thinking that this can’t possibly be my last baby…
I guess I never really knew how many kids I wanted, but just that I wanted them. I assumed two was a good number because that’s what I grew up with. But now I’m here, a happy family of four, and I find myself going back and forth constantly as to whether I want more. The problem is, I can effectively argue both sides to myself, leaving me in a constant state of indecision.
Here is a snippet of the conversation happening in my head every other day…
Pros for having two:
- We can invest more (both time and resources) into fostering the intellectual and creative growth of both.
- We can start doing more as a family sooner. Without sleep schedules to work around, we can get out and do more adventures together.
- Traveling (something very important to us) will be logistically and financially easier with two.
- I don’t have to be pregnant again. I actually don’t mind being pregnant (I don’t take playing host to a miracle for granted), but not having to go through the worry and anxiety about the baby’s health (this last go ‘round was challenging for me) is appealing.
- I’m so grateful for what I already have- two beautiful, healthy children.
Pros for having three:
- I would love to rock, nurse and snuggle more of mine and David’s babies. There is nothing sweeter.
- I wouldn’t have to accept that this phase of my life is over. I just can’t fathom no more babies.
- I love the idea of a big family. Loud, wild, fun holidays and reunions with lots of siblings and lives to follow as they grow up.
- We make really awesome babies and why deny the world the chance to experience more of them? (Please know I say that in jest. I hope every parent feels this way about their kids.)
This is not meant to be an argument as to what the right number of children to have in their family is. For some it’s zero, for others, 5. I’m not here to judge, but rather just trying to think through what is best for our family. And yes, I know, it’s mutual decision and everything is God-willing, but I’m starting here, just trying to sort through my own thoughts.
I think the thing nagging me the most is that I often hear people say they ‘just knew’ their family was complete. I’m not sure I feel that here at almost 5 months postpartum.
So I’m here to ask, did you have that feeling of completeness?
When did you feel it?
Or are you in the same boat as me, wondering what the right number of children is for your family?