I always knew I wanted to be a mom. Still, when we found out we were pregnant with Hailey after officially deciding to wait one more year, a flurry of emotions took over me. Excitement, joy and a little of ‘oh man, are we really ready?’
Like everyone says, you are never really ready, but once Hailey arrived I was head over heels in love. Life did a 180, as it does with bringing home a child, and I started soaking up this new existence and identity.
I always knew I always wanted more than one child, so trying to get pregnant again was a no brainer. When I was pregnant the second time I remember wondering if I could possibly love another as much as I loved my first. Silly me. Kaitlyn arrived and like the Grinch, my heart instantly tripled in size. I can’t picture life without my happy, busy, giggly baby girl.
I find myself amazed at how quickly the second one grows. She is always wanting to be on the go, but I still try and hold her still sometimes so I can smell her little head and take mental pictures of her drool-soaked, toothless grin. I find myself thinking that this can’t possibly be my last baby…
Can it?
I guess I never really knew how many kids I wanted, but just that I wanted them. I assumed two was a good number because that’s what I grew up with. But now I’m here, a happy family of four, and I find myself going back and forth constantly as to whether I want more. The problem is, I can effectively argue both sides to myself, leaving me in a constant state of indecision.
Here is a snippet of the conversation happening in my head every other day…
Pros for having two:
- We can invest more (both time and resources) into fostering the intellectual and creative growth of both.
- We can start doing more as a family sooner. Without sleep schedules to work around, we can get out and do more adventures together.
- Traveling (something very important to us) will be logistically and financially easier with two.
- I don’t have to be pregnant again. I actually don’t mind being pregnant (I don’t take playing host to a miracle for granted), but not having to go through the worry and anxiety about the baby’s health (this last go ‘round was challenging for me) is appealing.
- I’m so grateful for what I already have- two beautiful, healthy children.
Pros for having three:
- I would love to rock, nurse and snuggle more of mine and David’s babies. There is nothing sweeter.
- I wouldn’t have to accept that this phase of my life is over. I just can’t fathom no more babies.
- I love the idea of a big family. Loud, wild, fun holidays and reunions with lots of siblings and lives to follow as they grow up.
- We make really awesome babies and why deny the world the chance to experience more of them? (Please know I say that in jest. I hope every parent feels this way about their kids.)
This is not meant to be an argument as to what the right number of children to have in their family is. For some it’s zero, for others, 5. I’m not here to judge, but rather just trying to think through what is best for our family. And yes, I know, it’s mutual decision and everything is God-willing, but I’m starting here, just trying to sort through my own thoughts.
I think the thing nagging me the most is that I often hear people say they ‘just knew’ their family was complete. I’m not sure I feel that here at almost 5 months postpartum.
So I’m here to ask, did you have that feeling of completeness?
When did you feel it?
Or are you in the same boat as me, wondering what the right number of children is for your family?
Brittany @ Delights and Delectables says
I certainly don’t feel that way… but we are just at 1. However, I do have a solution to one of your PRO’s on having more children. You don’t have to be pregnant again… ADOPT! Best thing ever!
Jasmine says
Thank you for this blog post. I am currently 5 months postpartum with my second baby. My thoughts are exactly as yours described in this post. Such a hard decision to make. My husband says we’re definitely done, but I can’t shake the idea of a third. How did you make your decision??
Sabrina says
I figure we will keep on going until we don’t feel like someone is missing.
Jo says
There is something very beautiful to me about this comment. What a wonderful way to think about it.
Dana says
Sabrina i so agree!!! I had 2 beautiful babies, life was grand! But after my 2nd child starting kindergarten and she didnt need me as much I just felt something was missing. We always said we wanted 2 kids if that was God’s plan. I went back to work thinking that was it but nope I still had that nagging feeling something was just missing in our lives. Time went on and I just thought that this is what God had given us 2 beautiful children…..8 yrs later…yes 8 yrs it took I got pregnant with my 3rd. What a miracle it was…she has made our lives and our family so complete! She was what was missing in my life I am sure of it!! She was meant to be! But as others have commented you just know when your are done having kids….I no longer have that feeling that something is missing! My family of 3 kiddos is all I could ever ask for !! 🙂 You just know…..:)
Dawn says
I like the way you put this…lately I have been feeling like there is one more kid I’m supposed to be keeping track of…then I realize they are all sitting here with me and I think “oh yeah, this is it”. I’ve done it a few times wondering where the other one is…so weird. We have three, and I have been wrestling with this. We always planned on having a big family, and now I feel 4 would be the max. I wasn’t prepared though for our third to be the last one and I kind of want one more to really know it is the last and prepare myself during the pregnancy that it is my last one…and kind if say “farewell” to the whole thing. Plus, I don’t want to wonder about what one more would have been like and regret it later. I know if I have 4 I would never regret that!!
Ashley says
Great question! It’s so hard. I know with us we always thought we’d have three (God-willing) – so it’s nice (emotionally) throughout this pregnancy knowing that we aren’t done at least trying. (Of course, we’ll see how life with two goes in the coming days and reevaluate.). For us, as silly as this sounds, our number came from the fact that we felt like we had more love to give And pour into a little life than just two. (Not that two isn’t enough for some!) Plus, I can’t admit that the baby stage is over for us. We figure we’ll figure out the logistical and financial implications as we go! (…our desire for 3 does NOT come from trying for a boy!
Brynn says
First, your girls are gorgeous. What beautiful photos! This is such an interesting post; I just had my first and my mind is already spinning about the size of our family. I always thought I wanted three, but now I don’t know. My plan now is to be present, soak in every moment and let the rest just be. My gut is always right, so if I don’t have a strong sense right now, I will be wait until I do.
Wishing you all the best!
Brittany Dixon says
Congratulations on your sweet little boy! I like what you said about waiting until you have a strong gut feeling. I guess I don’t have to make any decisions right at this moment. I’ll follow your lead and just ride it out.
Emily says
I’ve alway wondered about this question. At 23 a lot of my friends and family have started getting married and/or having kids. I always said I wanted 3 but after a diagnosis of PCOS and medicated Bipolar Disorder I’m already in the high risk pregnancy category before I start trying so we’ll see how life pans out I guess
heather hirsh says
Great question! I recall playing it over and over in my head after my 2nd too! Then God stepped in and we had a 3rd. For me, it’s true what they say. ..three is the tipping point lol. However I still don’t have that complete feeling either, which by the way is so scary because I certainly have my hands full already! But my pro!/Con list was and is the same as your list. I just pray and know that whatever happens from there is the way it’s supposed to be! I do know that I’d be 100% done after 4 though lol.
alex says
I say look back at it a year from when you had your last baby. I was a postpartum wreck the whole year after my kid was born, lol
Beth says
Seriously, why do life decisions have to be so hard sometimes?!?! I am feeling the exact same thoughts and feelings right now. How the heck do you know for sure one way or the other? My husband says he is done and done and I do want to feel that too in a way, but then have second thoughts. I have always wanted three and now we have two. I know I don’t have to make the decision right now, but you do just want to know for planning purposes! We will come to a conclusion on our own with time I am sure! Your two girls are just precious – enjoy every second!
Pam says
This post struck such a chord with me. I also have an almost 5 month old (my second) and the thought that this could be my last baby has me in tears some days. I agree with so many of your pros and cons. We’re going to reevaluate when baby is 1 year. Hopefully then the decision will be more clear and my hormones will not be influencing my decision (as I think they may be now!)
Brittany Dixon says
Right on Pam! I have no doubt that my hormones are influencing my inability to make a decision. You know how it is though, holding your second baby and imagining never doing it again?! Enough to make me cry right now!
Amy says
My second just turned 1 and I still have this internal debate almost every day. As of this moment, I am leaning toward being done, but then I think- if I’m not 100% on being done, not having a third could be a major regret someday. See?… it’s so hard.
Jackie says
Great topic! I had always thought we would have three kids (2 girls and a boy, of course b/c I had control :p) but unexpectedly, as we took our first car ride as a family of four (2 girls), my husband and I looked a reach other and knew this was it; we had our family!
Brittany Dixon says
Haha- love your comment! Yes, I love how people assume you have control! Maybe we need to take a family road trip too. I could see that helping us make a decision 😉
Jodi says
You know how if feel. Take your entire blog, changes names to jayson, Avery and Emmy and you have my life. Every. Single. Day. I will enjoy reading the comments later today . Hoping for my A-ha moment. Tho lately I do feel a pull towards being done…. Kinda.
And Haileys outfit looks adorable on her!! Glad you went for it!! Can’t wait to see the whole family picture put together!!
Brittany Dixon says
I wasn’t thrilled with the two full family pics I saw so far. I’m hoping there is a good one in there somewhere or we’ll just put the girls on the Christmas card 😉
Christine says
I’ve been wondering the same thing. For some reason I always thought I would have 3. I came from a family of 4 girls. Currently I have one son turning 3 next week and another son turning 1 next month. sometimes two can be overwhelming. Right now we’re paying a lot of money for daycare and I’ll be turning 38 this year. As an older mother, if I have one more I’d like to have them before I turn 40 but sometimes I worry about the genetic testing and the anatomy scan that checks for fully developing organs. The first time our genetic testing score was low so we had to do further testing. The second time around we did the harmony test and the score was better. Both pregnancies I didn’t have any problems-not even morning sickness thank goodness. Thankfully both kids are healthy. But I definitely think if I have one more that will definitely be it.
Brittany Dixon says
We had to do further testing this last pregnancy, too. Luckily everything turned out healthy, but I still think about what I went through and wonder why push my luck when I have two healthy kids? I know that’s not a very positive way to approach the issue, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t in the back on my mind!
Thanks for sharing- I hope you come up with the right decision for your family!
Jenni says
After our two we were done, done, done! Then when my youngest was 5, we all of the sudden got the urge for another baby and went for it! Now we have 3 and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Somedays I still can’t imagine that I’ll never have another one of my own! Most of those pros of two are what are now stopping us at three! And I know soon I’ll have plenty of nieces and nephews to hold so I look forward to snuggling and giving them back!
The girls are beautiful! Great pictures!!!!
Jen says
I read that a nursing home nurse who spoke to a lot of old people said the #1 regret ppl have in life is not having more children. And nobody ever said they wish they hadn’t had their last child!!
Of course it’s a personal decision, but if you are on the fence maybe it means that you’ll one day regret not going for it.
(I’m expecting our fourth now, and this will be it for us!)
Jenn says
Interesting, my mom always says she wishes she would’ve had one more. We have three and I’m on the fence about 4. Maybe we should then! My husband thinks three is a good number, and I just don’t know. It’s a hard decision!
Paige Menkins says
My husband and I haven’t started having kids yet, so i’m not sure how we will know. I grew up with 3 in my family, and have always thought that anything less will feel like we are missing someone. I loved having two other siblings. Yes the money and time spread among us was thinner, but to me it never mattered. And now that we are all adults I love it even more, my sisters are my very best friends, and all three of us are very close. Now that there are spouses, and i have a nephew on the way it makes family dinners and holidays so fun, and full of love.
Brittany Dixon says
Thank you for sharing your experience Paige! I do wonder if we had 3 and it was a girl how it would affect their relationships. Like any parent, I want my girls to be close and worry about the dynamics of three girls. I’m so glad to hear it was a positive experience for you growing up!
megan says
just have to jump in here, I am one of three girls and wouldn’t change it for the world!
Erin says
As a mom of two boys, this is something I have thought about a lot. With every phase my youngest, 2.5 yrs old, goes through I shed a tear and think “is this really the last time I will do x. y. and z?” All your pros for stopping at 2 are the same reason I have gone over in my head, as are the cons. I am one of three. My parents were done after two, or so they thought. Then my sister came along 19 months after I was born. Of course we can’t imagine life without her and I know my husband and I would say the same thing if we had a third but who’s to say the same won’t be true if we had 4, 5 or more? In the end what it boils down to for us is time, energy and money. Stopping at 2 means we can travel more, don’t need a bigger car, will be able to pay for more of their college education and overall can live a lifestyle we want. Now that my oldest is in elementary school I also see new challenges of having more kids in terms of time and schedules and running around getting kids to activities.
I also think it is easy to imagine life in the most ideal of ways; kids all get along great, have close sibling bond, happy holidays with everyone together and so on. When the reality is that they may not be the case. Not all sibling are close . One major con, at least in my house, was that when we were kids was that is always felt like it was 2 against one. I was the middle child with an older brother and younger sister. I was always much closer with my sister than my brother and even then my sister and I have gone through years when we fought more than others, mostly at times when we were in different phases (me in Jr high her in elementary school, me in high school her in jr high and so on).
I guess my overall point it that there is no easy answer, no guarantees, but that whatever you decide will end up feeling right.
Brittany Dixon says
Great points Erin! I, too, often wonder would I ever feel ‘done’ if I had 3, or 4 or 5? Sure, I’d be busier and more overwhelmed, but I’m still not sure the complete feeling would ever hit me. I just love my babies! And we really want to offer our kids some unique experiences and facts are facts, it’s easier to do that with two.
I also like that you pointed out the three kid scenario. I often worry (especially if we had 3 girls) that the dynamic would be thrown off and someone would always be left out. I’ve actually said to David that if we go for 3, then I probably want 4. Then we are in a whole different boat!
Anyway, thank you for your input!
Kristi says
I am pregnant with our second and we both agree this is it. We’ll see how I feel in a year 🙂
I am from a 3 girl family and find the dynamic off, especially with girls. It was always 2 against 1 and there was very little one on one time with our parents. While I wouldn’t choose somebody to trow off the boat, ha, I’ve always known I wouldn’t have 3. The youngest is 7 years my junior so that was also a factor. So many of my friends are going for a third though so obviously the pull is strong!, Four makes more sense but financially I can’t see it happening for us.
Heather says
This topic is so interesting to me! My husband and I always said we’d have 3 (we both have 2 siblings) and now after our 2 girls (almost the same age as yours!) I still feel like having a 3rd unless circumstances change somehow. I’d have to reevaluate after 3 but I think I’ll be done then. I love your last “pro” and totally feel the same way about my kids 😉 yours are beautiful! PS remember there is no immediate rush on the decision to have 3 either so take your time (obviously!)
Kelly says
I think if you’re asking yourself these questions and feeling these feelings another baby is your future! 😉 and I sure hope so…your kids are adorable!!
Heather says
I have four kids- 8, 6, 2 and 5mos. Four was the tipping point for me when I realized I was in over my head. We are also homeschooling too though. There were many days when I felt like I was drowning in children. But now that the baby is sleeping better, I don’t feel that way anymore. Our house is full of life. Chaos and mess and noise too, but there is never a dull moment and I am surrounded by energy and love.
I have heard many people say that when you are done, you just know it without a single doubt. So if you are debating in your head, I would say you aren’t done!
I know 2 families that thought they were done and went for the big V, only to pay thousands of dollars for a reversal later when they changed their minds. So don’t worry about making a decision quickly, give it lots of time.
I don’t think I am done. I know I need a break for a while. It would be nice to get this little one out of diapers before worrying about another pregnancy. Children are a blessing. Every family has a different number. They are lots and lots of work. Especially when they are little. The older they get, the less physical work it is, and the more mentally draining it is. But the blessing and joy they bring is so much greater than the difficulties.
Brittany Dixon says
Love your input Heather! David’s brother has 4 kids and I absolutely love the energy and love that their family exudes, so I can imagine how wonderfully full of life your house is. Honestly, it’s what pulls me most strongly to having more. I am impressed that you homeschool all four, as homeschooling is something we are considering as well and I wonder how I could do it with more than 2. I still have a lot to learn though! 🙂
Kristine @ Kristine's Kitchen says
This is such a difficult one! We have two, and are expecting our third in a few months. (Girl, boy, girl.) I’m one of five kids, and always thought I’d have three. I can’t imagine life without all of my siblings! Things are already pretty crazy with two, so I’m sure three will be even crazier, but it feels right. After three, we will be done! I can’t say exactly how I will feel when that happens, but I imagine it will a combination of feeling like our family is perfect and complete, while at the same time a little sadness that we won’t ever do the pregnancy/new baby thing again. That’s such a wonderful time I think no matter how many kids I had I would feel some sadness at it being over. I try to focus on all of the wonderful moments and milestones that lie ahead, though!
Alma says
My husband and I talked about being done on the way home from delivering our 3rd child. Now that our he is almost 4 months, I find myself having second thoughts as I pack his outgrown clothing. I think the doubt I’m feeling is the same sadness you speak of. To be honest even with that sadness nagging at me, I can’t really picture life WITH another child, whereas when deciding to go from 2 to 3 I couldn’t picture life WITHOUT another little one. I think the feeling might also stem from not having any girls. But then again, I just can’t picture myself with daughters.
char eats greens says
Very interesting post!! I definitely don’t know, and I doubt I’ll have that built-in feeling of just knowing when our family is done (I am definitely not on cue with those sort of things haha). I *think* that I want two, but then again, I am completely, utterly satisfied with just one right now! Also, I’m a rebellion and everyone asking about having a second (and even specifically a BOY, which I think is insane to even make it seem like I have a choice in choosing!), makes me not want to have one right now even more! I think I’ll take it day by day, and then if baby brain hits, you’ll know what will be happening! And then from there, take it again! But I think my happy place would be two!
Lisa @ The Splattered Apron says
I had the exact feelings you did when I was 5-6 months postpartum with my youngest. He’s now just over a year and I can say confidently, our family is complete. The only caveat being that we are open to adopting an older child when our children are older, but for now we are loving our sweet family of four.
Brittany Dixon says
That’s refreshing to hear! Maybe I will have a better perspective as the months pass. It’s just so hard when emotions (/hormones) are flying high. You make super cute babies, so you know what I’m saying 😉
Jen says
So, so much to think about! I thought I’d feel done after having two but Hadley is the easiest baby in the world so I’m saying the same thing that you are — how can I not have another? But I cannot go through pregnancy again. The anxiety almost did me in the second time around, and I really feel like I was a horrible mother to Wyatt during my pregnancy and I don’t want to do that to my children again. So, we’ve been throwing around the idea of adoption. If I still feel this way in another year or two, we’re going to pursue it. I’ve always loved the idea of a big family, too!
Joanna @Makingmine says
Great post! It’s like you took all of the thoughts bouncing around my head and wrote them down beautifully! We currently just have one child and know we want more. But beyond the 2nd, I’m just not sure. A lot of it comes down to what kind of life we’ll be able to provide our kids. I want to make sure we can do right by however many kids we end up having.
But I agree, you and David make some exceptionally adorable children, so more would be fantastic 🙂
Kathleen Ojo @ My Ojos says
I had terrible 2nd baby fever from the moment my daughter was born until she weaned at 14 months. I even got a cat to fill the void (a disastrous decision, but that’s another story!) Once I got through that period and started to enjoy the relative freedom of having a toddler, I became much more okay with waiting on a second. So I don’t know anything about planning for a third, but I would definitely recommend you don’t decide either way about it until Kaitlyn is a bit older and your hormones have returned to baseline 🙂 Then you can check and see if you have that “complete” feeling. You do make beautiful babies though, I’m sure the world wouldn’t mind a third!
Brittany Dixon says
Totally great tips… and I want to hear about the cat- haha! I remember before getting pregnant the second time that if we waited much longer I wasn’t sure I’d want to go back to the baby phase again. You really start getting so much more freedom as they get older and I love the idea of traveling as a family. Overall, you’re right- no decisions until my hormones calm themselves down a bit 🙂
Heather says
I’ve made the same list of pros and cons and as my daughter nears her 1st birthday, I still wonder if two is where we want to stop. Ultimately, though, we’ve made the decision to stop at two and next Friday my husband goes to get snipped. There is still this tiny bit of doubt in my stomach, even though I know that two is just better for our family. If we had three it would mean major changes and we are definitely excited about getting to travel more easily a lot sooner. Definitely one of the hardest decisions, and I’m hoping I get that feeling of completeness here soon, otherwise I may beg my husband to reschedule. 😉
Katrina-Marie says
My family members and family friends all had their tipping point at two considering three. All but one (out of five couples) have had their third- the other couple (my cousin and his wife) are trying. All of them are done, but they’re all also thrilled with their decision to have a third. And may I add only one couple (my pastors) were wanting a certain gender- and they did have their girl! lol
I think you will know, and all in your and David*s and God*s timing. 🙂
Beth says
I read somewhere to imagine your current family in a portrait hanging above the fireplace…if it seems like someone is missing from the photo, then you’re not done! 🙂 We have two boys, a 2.5 year old and a 4 month old. We will definitely try for one more and then reevaluate.
Brittany Dixon says
Interesting perspective! I do feel like we look complete as a family of four because I start imagining the fun we will all have together and David with all his girls and it makes me smile. Maybe I need to be focusing more on that and less on not holding another baby again (as I’m still holding one now, so that’s a little silly ;)). Thanks!
Sarah says
I am so with you on this! My whole pregnancy with Charlotte I forced myself to not even think about the possibility that this could be my last baby. My husband says he is done at 2 children, but I find myself going back and forth. Since both of us basically single parent throughout the day (we work different hours) I feel stressed thinking I would have three kids to parent on my own most evenings. But, I physically feel sick when I think about not having any more babies or not being able to experience pregnancy again. It really caused my baby blues to skyrocket. I don’t know what will happen since my husband and I are on two different pages. It’s such a hard decision. I’m thinking maybe an unplanned pregnancy would be the best way for us to deal with it and not even have to worry about it! Haha 🙂
april says
I don’t think you necessarily have to even have a “feeling” of being done…you just have to look at your current situation and all the factors that might play into expanding your family. I personally would love to have a ton of babies! I love babies and everything about the newborn phase. However, babies grow into toddlers and big kids and that is a lot of work! ha ha. When I had my son, I always saw him with a sister and could almost see our future as a family of four. When our daughter arrived, I felt like having the two of them was ideal. Although I’d always love to have more babies, I just don’t envision a third child in our family. Plus, I had horrible pregnancy symptoms that go beyond the usual pregnancy issues, 2 c-sections, and babies who just did not like to breastfeed. Those factors cause so much stress and sadness in myself that I know 2 children is the best option for me. But, oh, those babies get me every time! By the way, your girls are beyond precious 🙂
Anna says
Thank you for sharing this topic and for everyone who has commented too! Lately I have been thinking about our family size a lot and love hearing from other moms about their thought process. My husband and I both came from big families and, although we appreciate them, we also like the idea of keeping our family a bit smaller with two kids. Mostly we like the idea of being able to give our kids more time, attention, and financial support. Your pros and cons list seemed very similar to ours (the world DOES need more of our kids!); thank you for sharing. I really appreciated that an overall consensus from your post and the comments is that love continues to grow as family’s expand. Hooray for families!
Marnie @ SuperSmartMama says
What a fun question! And you can tell others think so too by the number of responses you’ve already gotten.
The entire first year and a half with our first one, I was SURE that one was enough. That first year was hard for both myself and my husband. But then doubt started to creep in when our son was two…and then we started trying again. After two miscarriages we are now six months pregnant and ready to have a second. But we’re pretty certain this is IT for us. Two kids. A family of four.
Whatever decision you make, I am sure you and your husband will be happy!!
Regina says
We have 2 who are close in age to your girls (oldest turned 2 in August and youngest was born April 2). My last pregnancy was scary. Lots of preterm labor, 5 visits to the hospital before he ever arrived and he was born with one kidney and severe Hydronephrosis of the surviving one. My husband and I are 100% sure we want at least one more, if we’re lucky enough to be able to. We’re about 75% sure we want 4. Two is insane, especially with terrible twos and two rambunctious boys on my hands. We live in one of the most expensive areas in the country (dc) and are a one income family. But I’ve never heard someone regret having more kids, only regretted not having more. We’re already financially tight for money but at the end of our lives it won’t matter how much money we had or made, it’ll be our family by our sides. After my husband was diagnosed with a brAin tumor a month before our 2nd son was born, it became even more clear how short life is. We could wait until our lives were more stable, we had more money, etc. but you never know when your time will run out and I couldn’t imagine living with the regret of having waited too long.
Kelli says
I stopped at 2 because we had difficult babies looking back I wish I had 3 🙁 if you are unsure I see a third in your future! 🙂
Staci says
I just had our first baby 6 weeks ago, but there’s no doubt in my mind we will have more. My husband was an only child and hated it, I have one older sister who has some mental issues and will probably never have kids of her own and she and I were 4 years apart and never were close siblings. For me I feel family is super important and I don’t want our kids to basically be alone when we pass. My husband always just wanted 2 but I’ve always said 3 was a good number…now he doesn’t want a middle child so we are looking at having 4 kids. I had a perfect pregnancy until the end when I developed pre eclampsia so I guess we will see how pregnancy number 2 goes and base future decisions from that as well.
I’ve always thought having a large family would be fun and was always jealous of my cousins where there are 4 kids and so muchlove, laughter, and chaos dduring the holidays (and now I have 10 2nd cousins via them so it’s definitely even crazier but so much fun!!!).
I think you’ll just know when you are 1 year postpartum if you’re done or not. And your girls are gorgeous! !!
Mrs SPB says
We have a 22 mth old and a 7 week old. I know we’re not done but I wish we felt we were! I feel like we’ve been so lucky with the two beautiful children we have that we should leave things be. But we’ve planned four and I want to meet them, I’m just terrified of giving birth again! I’m looking forward to knowing the next chapter of our lives can begin, when all our babies are here. This is a ramble, sorry!
Beth says
Where did you find the headband for Hailey? It seems like all the ones I find in stores start at age 4 and go up and Claire’s head isn’t very big to begin with.
Oh – and we have this discussion weekly! I am on the fence about 3 children. Ben is very, very happy with 2 children. 🙂
Brittany Dixon says
I got it at Target! In a two pack. I have no idea what age it’s meant for, but seemed to fit her decently 🙂
David is very happy with two kids too! I’m the one that can’t make up my mind!
Danica @ It's Progression says
This is a really interesting topic and I loved reading through all of the comments shared so far.
My husband and I are at a different stage – talking seriously about starting our family/having our first baby soon, and even that is just so hard to know when the “right” timing is. It’s exciting and then terrifying and then we doubt and then we want it to happen now – we’re all over the place! For me, I’m just praying a lot about it. I know that God’s plan is always the best plan, and I’m just asking that he guide us in making this decision!
Brittany Dixon says
I’m sure no one has ever said this before in the history of family planning, but I’m not sure if you ever feel 100% ready. You just can’t fathom or prepare for what being a parent is like (in a wonderful way!). Good luck making the right decision for you family 🙂
Danica @ It's Progression says
ha that’s what everyone says! I do believe it. I mean, with most huge life decisions, you just have to jump all in – there typically isn’t all the time you want to just sit around getting ready for it…and thanks – we’re excited about it! 🙂
Meagan says
Lots of comments on this post!! If you don’t feel done you aren’t. My boys are almost 8 months and we are done. Never shed one tear about them being my last. When friends announce their pregnancy or people talk about having more I wonder WHY?! Obviously I had twins which is a ton of work and I could probably talk you out of trying for a third (you could be like my friend that tried for a third and had twins). But even if you had twins you would survive. You are an awesome mom.
Brittany Dixon says
Haha, Meagan! I love your honesty! I bow down to moms of twins. You are incredible!!
Lauren Brennan says
I’m pretty sure I want one more, but honestly, at this point, it depends on the day! :). But in my heart, I don’t want to be done, and I can’t accept the possibility that this tiny baby of mine is the last. But God was so gracious to even give us one (as we had a long road to getting pregnant the first time!), so I guess I’ll be content with however many He chooses to give us.
elise says
haha, love your last pro!
Rachel says
We have two; a daughter who is 5 and a son who is 2 1/2. I definitely feel like our family is complete! So many of your points ring true for me. All of our family is back east and we travel a lot. The logistics (and cost) of traveling is easier with two, in my opinion. I also feel like life is getting incrementally easier. My son is now almost fully potty trained! They sleep through the night! We can do fun activities together! I have no desire to go back to square one by having another baby. In fact, I keep harassing my husband to schedule his vasectomy. I feel like if I were to accidentally get pregnant, I’d be more upset than excited, so that right there tells me “I’m done!”.
Dana says
I don’t have any kids, but I think it’s interesting to look at your two lists. The pros of having two seem to be much more practically based (finances, travel, anxiety levels/health) while the pros of having three seem much more emotionally based (snuggling another baby, big happy family).
Paulina says
We have 2 now and for the first 6 months postpartum I was sure we were done. I even had my husband talk to his dr about a vasectomy. He feels like its too soon for that and I agree. I think I’d be happy either way at this point. My baby is nearly 9 months old and of I found out I was pregnant today I would be ok with that. Excited even. But at the same time, I miss traveling and having time and money to do things we can’t right now. Plus I’m looking forward to having more energy and sleeping again! I think I’ll have a better idea in a year or two about having a third or not.
Lauren says
I knew growing up that I wanted a large family, but when my husband and I started a family I thought three and done. Well, we had three and I felt done for a while, and then I didn’t feel done anymore. We had number 4 and we felt done for about two years. Now I am pregnant with number 5!:) All that to say, I think you will just know when you are done. And it is okay to change your mind. My husband and I both wanted this baby, and we were both a little surprised that we wanted another one. You never know!
Kristin says
I love this post! I only have 1, he’s 8 months old. Before he was born, my husband and I said we wanted 2, maybe 3, depending on how things go. 8 months into this parenthood gig and we are firmly in the “2 is enough” camp. But when I think about only being pregnant one more time, only nursing again one more time, it makes me sad and I can’t imagine the next time being the last time! But then again, thinking about going through the newborn phase again makes me reconsider even having 1 more! (Ha, I kid…).
From your list of reasons for each, it almost sounds to me like to reasons for sticking with 2 sound more logistical while the reasons of having a third sound more heartfelt. Like your head says have 2 kids but your heart is saying have another. Does that make any sense? I’m not bashing thinking logistically! It’s a very important factor to take into account (lifestyle, finances, energy).
I’ve heard people say they just “knew” when their family was complete. You’ll know if your heart 🙂
Brittany Dixon says
I think you hit the nail on the head- logic versus emotion. Logic definitely says we are done, but my heavy sense of nostalgia and the fact that I’m in love with my babies has me saying MORE!!! Haha. I guess only time will tell.
I hope your next one is a wonderful sleeper from the beginning! (if that’s what you mean by going through the newborn phase again ;))
Maureen says
YES! I totally agree with what you’ve said here about logic versus emotion, and honestly it’s how I explain our decision (to stop at two) to any person that asks me. Emotionally we would love more children, ours are 6 & 2 now and it’s hard accepting that we’ve changed the crib into a toddler bed for the last time, that I’ve given birth and breastfed my last baby but logically we know that financially it makes the most sense for our family to stop at two (no bigger car if we don’t want, more resources for college & travel as you said). Honestly, it weighs a lot on us as we prepare to enter a new phase of parenthood one where there are no babies and we have the freedom to really and truly start traveling and doing different things with our children as they get older but there’s always this little voice in my head (even now) saying just one more.
Sarah says
We had our second boy in July and I had my tubal about a month ago. I always thought I wanted 3, but 2 is best for us. Financially it’s the right choice and I bow down to anyone who has 3 or more. But even with a 3 yr old and a 3 month old, I know we made the right choice. I would be really wanting a 3rd by the time the baby is 2 and it would be just because I like babies.
I’m still going through some sadness about this being the last baby but I’m excited about the big boy stuff yet to come!
Jessica says
I am so done at two that its not even funny. 😀 I actually thought I was ‘one and done’ after having my son. However, my husband has always wanted two kids. When he brought it up I decided to think and pray about it for awhile. I talked to people around me as well. I decided I really wanted my son to have a sibling and having a second baby felt very RIGHT.
My first pregnancy was a breeze but second pregnancy was so much harder. SO.much.harder. I would joke that if I had known how hared pregnancy could be I wouldn’t have agreed to another, lol. But her birth was much easier than my sons’ and she in general is a more easy going baby who sleeps a ton more than my lovely little son did. He is 27 months and she is 4 months.
However, I don’t enjoy being pregnant and the newborn-6 month phase is difficult for me. My husband works looong hours at night and I spend a lot of time on my own with the babies without family to help. I EBF and although I am SO grateful and SO lucky that it was been problem free both times it takes such a physical and mental toll on me. (I have D-mer which causes bad feelings/anxiety when my milk lets down.) I also suffer from generalized anxiety that is usually well controlled but can be nearly debilitating at times. Based on those reasons and wanting to provide for them as much as possible financially, I am 150% sure that we are done at two. 🙂 I LOVE my babies and I can’t imagine life without either one of them. Our family is complete 🙂
Tracy says
I always wanted 4 kids but my husband was thinking 2. I came from a family of 6 kids and LOVE having 5 siblings. Buuuut in today’s expensive world, 6 seems like too many to handle financially and mentally. So I talked my husband into 3 but became pregnant with twins! Voila! I have my family of 4 kids 🙂 Believe me, after having 4 kids in 5 years, I felt our family was complete!!! We now have 4 teens ages 18, 17, 15 and 15. Life is crazy and good all at once but having 4 teens is really hard! And rewarding too 🙂
Good luck in your decision. I think in time you will just “know”.
Brittany Dixon says
Haha, love how you ended up with your family of four! You sound so happy. I can’t imagine having 4 teens, but they probably all help keep an eye on each other and that’s a wonderful thing 🙂
Alex says
Brittany-your girls are absolutely adorable! Such a beautifully written post. I often wonder what my family will look like down the line as well. When we will have our first? How many? Etc, etc. I can only imagine we will figure this out in time when we are ready and it is meant to be. Wishing you many years of happiness with your family.
Maria says
Absolutely DARLING photos of your sweet girls! You claim to not know a thing about fashion, but Hailey is rocking the boots and skirt. Adorable. No wonder you have an itch to have more!
I just love the idea of a big family. You know, like big crazy family Christmases and birthday parties. I grew up in a family with three children and it was kind of perfect. I loved having both and older and younger sibling and as an adult, I appreciate it even more. I know you feel like you won’t get to give your children as much undivided attention if you add more to the pack, but my single mom somehow found enough time and energy to make us all feel like we were important and loved.
As for myself, I haven’t thought that far ahead, but I most definitely want at least two. Three would be preferable if we can manage it. Famous last words 🙂
lauren says
I’m with you. How do people know? Do you just know? Do I already know….I don’t know 🙂
We have one amazing almost 15 month old. He is the BEST baby/toddler ever. Basically, like you, we found out we were expecting right after saying we’d wait at least a few more months to start trying. I’ve never been a “baby” person…I always joked I wanted a toddler from the start and I basically got what I asked for. My sisters joked I gave birth to a 3 month old, as he’s always been big for his age and advanced (which I feel like a goober saying, but it helps explain). He’s a little walking talking machine now. Would we have the energy to devote to two? Financially, 2 in daycare would not be wonderful. But it would work out. Things have a way of working themselves out.
I have two sisters and hubby has two brothers and we just don’t know. We see a lot of benefits to having just the one, but then I don’t know. Will we regret it later? Would we end up with a surprise down the road? All I know is that if we ever have another, it would be our last. I wouldn’t make a “final” decision like that yet….which I guess means I’m open to it?
Bethany says
Great post, I appreciate your honesty. I wanted 5 kids (I worked with kids so I loved them!) before I had my first and then I was so overwhelmed by the sleepless nights and just general intensity and responsibility of this tiny human I needed to raise I thought “I can’t do this again!” But we got a surprise and I’m so glad. Throughout this whole pregnancy I’ve thought this is our last, just two kids. But now that I’m about to have the baby I think maybe we’ll have another? It’s hard to know.
Irina says
This is exactly what I am thinking… I would love to have another baby, but I am nervous about pregnancy and worrying about the baby’s health (I am 40, so it is a big factor), plus fiscally it would be VERY hard. I have 2 girls in day care and it am paying almost $500/week here in CA. My kids are little, so the oldest still has 3 more years of daycare. I have a great job, but I have to work hard and be available, part time is not an option, so I am not sure how I can swing being a primary baby care giver (nursing, pumping again, I would need to have a C-section, etc), and a bread winner. (My husband is in school at the moment). So, being a procrastinator that I am, I have decided to wait: in a year, when I am in better health (my baby is 15 months and I still need to get in shape after her birth) I will reevaluate our finances and our state of mind. We are both open to baby number 3, but we may need to win a lottery 🙂 One huge plus: I LOVE my doctor! He is the best OB I have ever had!!! So, better figure it out before he decides to retire 🙂
I do not know if you ever really know 🙂
Katie bearden says
I’m right there with you! I have two boys the same ages as your girls and it’s that feeling are we or are we not done?!
Honestly, I always imagined having a little girl so it’s hard for me to not want to try again. I Love my little men to pieces but my heart aches for that mother daughter relationship like I have with my mom.
My Biggest issue is my health. I was high risk because I developed class 2 HELLP syndrome with my first son. It’s a really scary life threatening variant of preeclampsia. I was healthy with second son but I was emotionally a wreck because I was so scared… Very hard for me.
I guess time will tell but not sure I should roll the dice again especially since my two little boys need a healthy mom 🙂
Jac says
I could have written your post, almost word-for-word! I’m 31, and in the same boat as you are, with a 27 month old son and an 8 month old daughter. My second pregnancy was full of scares (threatened miscarriage, pre-term labor scare at 23 weeks, blood on her brain, excessive growth) and I swore I was DONE after such an emotional roller coaster. But then sitting in my hospital bed, looking at my precious, perfectly healthy baby (whew!), I was ready to tell hubby “let’s have 10 more!!!” I blame hormones…anyway, my husband said he’s done at 2, but once he heard I might not be, he’s more open. We definitely want our next child, if there is one, to be a little farther apart than the others (got preggo with daughter when son was 9 months old. BFing is NOT good birth control!!!). I think the plan is to re-evaluate things a year from now. I’m kinda waiting for a “sign,” too…but honestly, the thought of NEVER being pregnant again is heartbreaking!
Ashley D says
My husband and I talk about this all the time. We have a 2 year old boy and have been trying for #2 for awhile. We always thought we would have 3 kids, but consider #2 has not come as fast as we would have liked and my age, we may just be content with 2. It’s a tough decision. You can’t go wrong either way! Good luck!
Nikki says
I love this post! I’ve always wanted 4 children, while my husband has always said 2. We both grew up with just one sibling. We currently have just one, a 4 month old, and holy cow, it’s hard! That being said, I absolutely love staying home and spending my days with my little boy. I know more kid are in our future, but we aren’t sure how many more. We have decided to take it one kid at a time.
Ashley @ My Food N Fitness Diaries says
I’m so glad you shared these thoughts with us! I definitely think lots of moms have these thoughts/dilemma. That acceptance of a certain phase of your life is over has to be so difficult… I’ve thought about when we decide to be “done” how difficult I think it’ll be for me. I go back and forth all the time about how many kids I want. Before we had kids, it was four, then we had one, and I thought two sounded good. 😉 But on the good days, I want four again. And then I think maybe three sounds good? Haha. Whenever people ask me, I just say, “We are going at this one kid at a time, and we’ll go from there.” 🙂
Kiki says
I had two boys and my youngest was one. I went back and forth in my mind about having one more till one day in my OBGYN office my doctor said to me ” I have many people come in here and say to me I regret not having another but I have never had anyone say I regret having another”. Simple as it may seem my decision was made right then. And now of course my third little guy brings so much joy and light and “entertainment” to our house I just can’t imagine him not being here.
Roya says
I’m so glad you wrote this post today. My husband and I have one daughter and a history of miscarriage. The moment that Mia was born, I felt like our family was complete. My husband has a history of polycystic kidney disease that is dominant and has most likely been passed on to our daughter. That means that if she has it, she will need to undergo a kidney transplant at some point in her life. Thinking of passing that along to another child seems scary to me. BUT, it is so hard to make our decision final when the world says you must have more. You know who I’m talking about, those that say, “Do you really want her to be spoiled?” “She’s going to be so lonely.” Or my favorite, “What if something happens to your daughter?” If it were completely up to me, I’d say we are done. But, I figure I always reserve the right to change my mind : )
Ali says
Thoughts –
1. It’s too soon. You are only 5 months in with number two. Think about how long it took you to be ready to get preggers with number 2.
2. If you aren’t sure yet- don’t do anything final.
3. Make sure you and David are on the same page. When is the deadline for a decision? When do you want to be done having babies? By a certain age (your age)? By a certain year? By the time H is a certain she?
4. I didn’t know for sure until the day came when baby #2 was about 2 yo and I had a scare that I was pregnant and I panicked and nearly had an anxiety attack.
5. I think a lot of people don’t ever get that feeling of knowing if they are done…..don’t be hard on yourself.
6. Keep in mind- loving to cuddle babies is NOT a reason to have more. You have to have them around for a long time and for the majority of it, they are NOT infants. (Loving to cuddle babies is why you offer to babysit friends’ babies, spoil your new nephews or nieces, and raise your girls to be fabulous women so MAYBE you have grand babies in 25 years!)
7. Adoption is an option if BOTH of you are on board!!!
Emily says
I have 3 kids, 4, 2, and 3 months. We were DONE after number 2, but then when he was a little over a year old we changed our minds and went for the third. My husband had an accident and we had a shift in our priorities. We realized that ultimately what we wanted in life was a bigger family. I am so, so glad we have our baby. She has definitely completed our family. A nice little bonus too after 2 little boys 🙂 Also, I am the third of three girls and we had so much fun growing up. A final thing to think about – which perspective do you prefer reading, the ones encouraging more kids or the ones encouraging stopping at two? That might help you figure it out.
Chantal says
I always said I wanted three kids. My husband says two. I had my daughter and the first couple years were ROUGH, so I thought… maybe just one. But I knew I wanted her to have a sibling, and we always knew we wanted more, so one wasn’t an option. Once the difficult part of her babyhood passed, I started thinking, three would be nice! I don’t know if I can just have two kids. But we agreed we will discuss it after the second arrives 😉
Caitlin P. says
I come from a family of 3 girls, I’m the middle child and I love it! Everyone always makes a face when I say this too but 3 girls while I’m sure was tough at times, was and is still pretty special. Growing up I was only 1.5 years younger than my older sister so we were REALLY close while my younger was 5 years younger so at the time it was a big gap. Then my younger sister followed in my footsteps, same college, same city post college and she is truly my best friend. My mom and us girls have an ongoing text message and daily we joke, talk about how on earth 4 of us shared a bathroom at one time and are still close. I vividly remember being bullied when I was in 9th grade and it was my older sister who put a stop to it. Years later my younger sister was bullied and had her heart broken and we came home from college to be with her.
Wow sorry for the novel, just trying to say, 3 girls while it may be tough on you (hello teenage puberty years) is actually pretty wonderful for the girls. Both stood at my side during my wedding two years ago and now both are standing by me while I’m pregnant with my first, a daughter. 🙂
Laura says
This is a hard post to read as someone who is struggling with infertility and going through IVF. Please treasure the children you are already blessed with instead of worrying if/when you’ll have more.
Brittany Dixon says
Hi Laura, I’m so sorry to hear your struggle and wish you all the best that IVF works for you. I try my best to be sensitive to all situations, but since I write only about my own experiences and emotions, I am limited in my approach. I tried to present this in a way that works for all women with families (biological, adopted, blended, etc), but perhaps I missed the mark. Thanks for your comment and again, I wish you the best!
Jessica says
I am the oldest of 5 and my fiancé is the youngest of 2. Our first is a couple weeks older than Kaitlyn so hormones are still up and down, but I 10000% want at least one more. I love my big family. Personally, I don’t feel like money is a legitimate reason not to have more babies. I’ve never experienced anything in my life that was truly in God’s plan that didn’t work itself out. “Do what you love and the money will follow.” If you love babies and want a bigger family, do it. My dad started his own business and worked very hard, and we were still able to travel. We didn’t go to Europe or anything, but we went on a summer vacation for 2-4 weeks every year and every other year went on a winter one. We went to theme parks every few months (Live in FL so it’s easier) and he helped us all in college. Don’t doubt that you’ll be able to provide a wonderful life to more children! We actually did more than my fiancé’s family did, simply because it was important for my parents to experience as much as we could!
Jen says
I have 2 almost the same ages as yours and I feel the exact same way. I could have written the same thoughts. I come from a family of 3 and my husband is the youngest of 5 so i love a good, big family gathering. I’ve thought about fostering and/or adopting but still not sure if I’m ready for the no more babies… so tough. I can barely handle these two but I still inside feel like I’m not done!
Debbie says
Someone once told me If you are thinking about having another child, “You will never regret having another child…but you may regret it if you don’t”
Elisa Johnson says
Hmm I missed this post when you first did it! My family is complete with just 1 kid. My husband and I weren’t going to have kids! I was never a “baby” kind of person. I’d kid that I lacked the maternal gene, even! So we were VERY surprised to learn that I was pregnant at age 42! My husband was 47! I freaked out! But I got excited knowing that “I guess” we were meant to experience parenthood. Best thing ever! Ever since our sweet baby boy was born in August 2014, I knew that my family was complete. I can’t imagine not having my baby, but I can’t imagine doing it all again either…no no no! (Probably the very difficult delivery/post partum phase talking, here!) We have been so so blessed with our little unexpected/unplanned baby and I want to throw all my love and efforts into just him. Obviously my situation is not the norm…my age and all! I now know what it means when people say that motherhood is the most difficult but most rewarding job! I have an easy baby, too. Family of 3 is perfect here! My boy is almost 7 months.
Lindsey says
Can you tell me how you decided two was enough? Did that longing for another go away? It’s bothering me so much lately and I cried about it the other day!
Brittany Dixon says
I truly don’t know if the longing ever goes away, but at first I focused on all the things we were starting to be able to do again (travel! go out and not worry about naps! etc) and eventually it lessened and lessened. Now I don’t really feel that pull on my heart at all anymore. Maybe every once in a while, but I’m s happy with our family of four and all it allows us to do. It’s no easy decision. My best advice is don’t rush to make any final decisions and give yourself time to consider all angles. Good luck! <3