Feeding my family is something that has brought me more joy than I ever imagined it would. Not always the act itself (I could do without the squabbles over cup color and the rice confetti that covers my floor after curry night), but each time I make my family a meal that is nourishing their growing bodies, I feel a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment. When we bake birthday cakes and dig into thick slices covered with cream cheese icing I commit the mmms and smiles to memory. Scoff if you must, but the food aspect of motherhood speaks to me.
On my recent reader survey, I received a request that asked how to teach kids to eat healthy foods without making them feel like certain foods are good or bad. I thought it was a great question and something I’ve thought about a lot over the past six years of feeding the girls. Here are my thoughts:
ONE: I have to truly believe myself that there are no good and bad foods.
With kids, more is caught than taught, meaning they are going to soak up and take on our actions and beliefs, even if what is coming out of our mouths is saying the opposite. This is where a parent dieting can get a a little hairy. Not that it can’t be done, but if I child constantly hears “I can’t eat that” or “that will go straight to my thighs,” it will get in their heads that certain foods are bad. Read more on raising a girl to have a healthy body image here.
TWO: We focus on how different foods makes us feel.
But shouldn’t we be teaching them that vegetables are better than cake? Yes, I think so! At a certain age, probably around 4 years old in my experience, it’s a good idea to start a conversation about why we eat some foods more often than others. Some people really like the traffic light method of feeding children, but for my kids, it has worked to just talk about the food as we eat. We talk about how our bodies work and how certain foods like vegetables, fruits, nuts, and whole grains fill our bodies with fuel that allows us to run, think, create, and play at our maximum ability. Other foods like candy, cookies, and cake don’t offer the same fueling power. We keep the explanation simple, short, and sweet (no pun intended).
THREE: I relish in the control I have at these young ages.
As a mom (that thrives on power mwahaha), I love that I control what fills our fridge and pantry. I love being the one to choose what is for dinner. I believe that once it’s in the house, it’s fair game, so I keep that in mind when I’m at the store. I don’t buy junk food or many snacks because I don’t want us to eat it and snacking isn’t something that works well in my family (it results in picky eating at meal time). However, if cookies are being handed out after a basketball game, my girls can go for it! I don’t often restrict what they have when we are out because I know that 90% of the time we are eating at home, so the 10% can be a little loose.
FOUR: Don’t use food as a reward.
I know this is so tempting because I’ve fallen victim to it before myself, BUT kids need to learn to deal with all their emotions and I believe consistently offering a sweet treat to calm them down, for example, could be setting up for an unhealthy dependency on food as a fix as they get older. Offering a treat for them eating a vegetable just reinforces the idea that sweet is good and vegetables are a necessary evil you have to choke down to get to the good stuff. It can also mess with their ability to internal hunger cues and regulate their own eating. Overall, I think it’s just better to pick a non-food reward like extra books, a trip to the zoo, or a special craft instead of food.
FIVE: Keep emotions neutral whether serving cake or curry.
I don’t bite my lip and beg my kids to just give dinner a chance if it’s something I’m unsure they will enjoy. I also don’t give lecture on how we don’t do this everyday if I let them eat leftover birthday cake for breakfast. It’s just food! They know we don’t have birthday cake for breakfast everyday because we don’t have it in our house except on birthdays, so if they want it for breakfast, I let them! And then I don’t flinch when I serve them a salad and falafel for dinner.
SIX: We eat together (if possible) and we all eat the same thing.
It may be easy to make the adults a meal and the toddler something else at first, but it gets harder as the kids get older and are eating more. Because of this, I believe it’s best to make a single meal for dinner and all eat the same thing. We sometimes separate the components for Kaitlyn (3) or leave off a sauce if it’s spicy, but I believe all eating the same basic meal helps enforce healthy eating habits. It makes things easier, ensures that everyone is eating a healthy meal, and kids are more likely to try something if they see everyone else eating it too (monkey see monkey do).
It’s no secret I love food, but the way I talk about it here on the blog, using words like plant-based, paleo, intuitive eating, etc, only really happens on here. In our house, food is food is food. I buy and serve the good stuff, but don’t stress about when we get in and bake cookies either.
Feeding kids can really be frustrating, especially when they are very young and communication is limited. But now that we are a little further along (ages 6 and 3), I can attest that starting early with serving quality food and being consistent in your approach will pay off. My kids are still kids and squeal with delight with they get to lick the cookie batter bowl and would probably request mac ‘n cheese if you asked them, but I don’t believe that you have to cater to their preferences in order for them to actually eat and grow.
Some of the best things I’ve learned about feeding kids over the past six years has come from experience and from YOU, so please share with me-
What is meal time like in your house?
What are your habits/rules that work for feeding your family?
What are your challenges?
Sarah says
Great post! I do have to kind of require my daughter to eat veggies because she would literally eat NONE otherwise. I put the veggies on her plate right away when she first sits down to a meal, because that is the moment when she is the hungriest! She usually will go gobble down at least half of them, (with some encouraging) and then I give her the rest of her meal. Seems to be working pretty well. My son, though, on the other hand, will literally eat anything that I give him! And he is only 2, whereas my daughter is 5. It’s so funny how your own two kids can be so different.
Brittany Dixon says
Oh I love that tip!! Thanks for sharing! Along the same lines, I have a friend that puts out cut veggies while she is making dinner so if her kids come in whiny and hungry, they can snack on the veggies. She says it always has them get in at least a few before dinner even begins!
Grandma Honey says
My boys would always go for the raw carrots too, but especially so when they were served on ice. But I have to say, I will never forget what happened with those carrots back on an evening in 1989!
http://adventuresofgrandmahoney.blogspot.com/2009/01/night-before-brocks-6th-grade-camp.html
Michelle says
Such a great idea. That reminds me of something I read in the book Bringing Up Bebe about how they feed kids in french culture (home and daycare). They begin meals with a vegetable “starter” while the kid is hungriest. I’d recommend the book as it covers a lot more on the topic of food and kids!
Liz says
This is the one area of motherhood where I have a hard time relating to you – but only because I WISH I could get my kids to eat the way that your kids do! When you show the meals that your girls are eating, it seriously amazes me. Our kids are 3 and 5, and while the 5 year old likes quite a lot of veggies, she only likes them RAW, and she’s quite picky about most dinners. Our 3 year old will honestly starve himself if he’s not into what’s on his plate. We’ve tried so many different methods of trying to get past this phase, and mostly it’s just made dinner time miserable. So, for now at least, our kids get a very deconstructed dinner or maybe only one or two components from our dinner, because we just don’t want the fight anymore. It’s not how I had planned to feed our kids though! I had such high hopes for everyone eating the same thing every night. I guess I’m just trying to be happy that we all sit down to eat together every night, and that even if our kids aren’t eating the same dinner as us, they ARE eating healthy and nutritious meals (for the most part). I still dream that one day everyone will happily eat the same thing for dinner every night!
Brittany Dixon says
I love that you are able to focus on what is working for you and all sitting down together is awesome! Have you read this post by Lindsay? https://www.theleangreenbean.com/tips-for-feeding-toddlers/
I think it could be encouraging! Kids are so different. Though the above tips have worked really well for us, I feel you in the fact that it’s not always easy. My two are very different in everything (eating habits included) and what works for one doesn’t work for the other! Keeps things… shall we say interesting? 😉
Irene says
Liz – I think parents of “good eaters” will just be able to enforce different rules than some of us 😀 Don’t compare yourself! My daughter will make herself throw up if she is put in a position of being even lightly pressured to eat something that is gross to her. Sometimes just the sight of certain foods can do it! I’ve read every book on the shelf about picky eaters, tried so many different things and ultimately chose to work with an occupational therapist to keep making progress on this issue. I remind myself that my kid is really advanced in some ways and she just struggles in this one for various reasons that took us a long time to figure out!
If your kid is a tougher one, I recommend the book “Helping Your Child with Extreme Picky Eating: A Step-by-Step Guide…”. It really helped me see the food issues from my kids perspective and then we could come up with a plan that really works for her.
Best of luck!
Liz says
Thank you! Yes, both of our kids will also gag/force throw up if they are pressured to eat foods they don’t find appealing! It is frustrating and also can be really embarrassing! I will look into that book. The funny thing is that our kids do like lots of foods that I wouldn’t expect them to – they love olives, feta cheese, raw Brussels sprouts, etc. But then they won’t touch a bean or even chicken! I’m just hopeful that if we keep introducing foods that this, too, shall pass.
Brittany, I have read that blog post and found it helpful!
Laura says
Yes- this, all of this!! I accept that in some sense maybe I got lucky and hit the good eater jackpot with my kids, but at the same time I have put a lot of effort in the past 5 years in establishing good eating habits. With working full time, I’m not going to lie, it is a lot of work between the packing of lunches and making of dinner. But all of the points you make follow our eating philosophy, and while still not easy at ages 1 and 4, I feel we have laid a good foundation and mostly meal time goes well. My 1 year old is just now coming around; he was never really picky but often at dinnertime would only be interested in nursing which was very challenging and often frustrating as well. I mostly would give in and just nurse him at the table because I have become an expert at eating with one hand and I’m so hungry myself by dinner. Lately though, and especially when he hit the phase of mimicking everything big brother does, he began really getting into the process of eating (always an identical or slightly modified version of what everyone else is eating). One thing my boys love is to use the salt and pepper grinder (switched to plastic after an unfortunate incident with glass). Any involvement with dinnertime choices helps- peas or broccoli, long or curly pasta, white or pink (salmon) fish? Throughout pregnancy, nursing, first foods and on to toddlerhood and pre-school, eating good food has always been a priority. Before my boys turned one they had both tried and seemingly enjoyed all sorts of non-traditional kid foods- sardines, anchovies, kalamata olives, Indian curry, fresh figs… etc, ect. These are foods that I enjoy and eat and I often wonder if maybe they have a natural liking for from exposure in utero and via nursing. Anyhow, I could talk all day (and practically have!) on this subject. I absolutely love food and feel enjoyment of eating is one of the greatest gifts I can give my children.
Dietitian Jess says
Love these tips- No kids here yet but totally agree with all these philosophies as a dietitian. I try to get keep adults from labeling as foods good and bad as well because I think the negative stigma of labeling foods can affect everyone 🙂 Great post!
Katie says
I’ve been focused on consistency lately and it’s helped so much!!! My son usually eats while I prep dinner, so even though we aren’t eating as a family at least he sees me making it and we can interact. It’s nice when we can eat as a family, usually 2 times per week or so and sit together and eat the same thing. I wish we could do it daily, but our schedule during the week is just so hectic!
SHU says
LOVE this post. We do things very similarly. I do think there is an element of luck in whether kids are picky or not (ours are not, compared to most kids!) but there are things that help, too!!
Rachel says
I’ve been thinking about this post a lot. While I agree with most of your points, it strikes me that it’s doable for you bc your husband is on-board with all of it. That’s not my house. My husband brings home all kinds of chips, cookies etc because he enjoys them. He’ll often give them to the kids and Institued nightly dessert (once they eat a good dinner). These are two things I wouldn’t have done as their mother, but we’re married and he’s their parent too. My kids eat lots of fruits, veggies, homecooked meals thanks to me but my husband and I have had to compromise along the way with the junk food. (Not just on food – lots of things like tv, iPads etc.) I guess I’m a little jealous bc that doesn’t seem to be the case for you.
Kristin says
Thank you for posting this. I have read other blogs that are extreme anti-sugar, anti-snack, etc! I can’t relate to people who assume that they can control every little piece of food their kid will eat in their life. What happens when their kid goes to a party? Or at school when you can’t control the snacks given out? Later when they go off to college and binge eat fast food? So, thank you for painting a more realistic picture of what healthy eating should look like for kids, with no restrictions and a positive outlook on what foods are best for their growing bodies.
It really is hit or miss with kids — but I feel like every year they get better about trying new things (I have a 4 yr old and 8 yr old). There are some veggies they love cooked, others I have learned they only like raw (like beets, which is a weird one). I totally agree that serving a plate of raw veggies and their favorite dip before a meal is a great way to add extra nutrients into their meal. It’s amazing how many veggies are eaten when they are truly hungry!
I also appreciated your link to the ‘raising girls’ post. I am sensitive to this topic especially now with my 8 yr old daughter. She is tall and has an athletic build, so I am constantly reminding people (even family members) to not describe her as ‘big for her age’ because I can tell it has a negative impact on her. Your tips are great for finding ways to better support our girls’ developing body images and body confidence.
Maria says
I always love reading about your perspective and tips on feeding kids. I’ve had quite a few bookmarked for later (really excited about starting finger foods/BLW soon!). My husband and I talk about how we’d like to approach food with Nora and it’s very similar to what you do. We definitely don’t want her to be that poor kid that doesn’t get to eat the birthday cake, but we obviously would be thrilled if she enjoyed the healthy stuff.
One thing that puzzles me is celebrations. Growing up, if I got all A’s or won an award at school, we’d go out to celebrate with pizza or ice cream. It always felt so special and are some fantastic memories. But my “let’s complicate everything” mom brain wonders if that is using food as a reward…or does it even matter if it’s a once in a while kind of thing. Clearly, I think about this too much 🙂
Vince says
I think this is such an important idea. The idea of good and bad food is everywhere but it seems like such an ineffective concept. And honestly, there’s no objective standard for making food good or bad anyway. How often we eat it and the rest of our diet/lifestyle plays a much bigger role.
Alison says
We pretty much follow all of these except maybe number two. Though I do talk about what makes each food nutritious I haven’t really talked about how they make us feel. It has really worked well for us that we all eat the same foods at the same time. I know it’s rare for a family of four to all be able to eat dinner together every night – and often breakfast, too! I feel grateful for that. There are times that we each have a slight variation of the same dinner – I never eat meat and everyone else will at times. No one seems to like my tofu that I always make for myself when I make peanut noodles – which everyone else loves. We also tend to grill different things for each family member during the summer but we’ll all eat the same sides. We also don’t eat a lot of junk or keep it in the house so anything is fair game. I’ve lucked out that my son loves to bake but will forget that we have cookies or brownies in the house the next day so I get to eat them all! Having foods and snacks that my kids (2.5 and almost 5) can access themselves is also helpful. They can grab fruit from the bowl and will even get cheese from the fridge and crackers from the cupboard and cut everything up. My son also started making his lunch last year for preschool. It used to take forever and would have been so easy for me to rush in and take over but he loved the independence of choosing his foods and his own containers.