The passing of time has really been affecting me lately on many fronts. Perhaps it’s watching my kids grow into tweens, or acknowledging it’s now been three full years since my dad passed away, or batting around some (exciting!) life decisions David and I are figuring out, or perhaps it’s my upcoming 40th birthday, but I’m struggling a bit.
Sometimes I find myself tearing up looking at younger families. Wasn’t that just me? I sit in awe at my beautiful girls and want to hold on to them. I feel time whipping by me and my usual deep breath and refocus on all that I’m grateful for technique isn’t always cutting it.
I’m not looking for a quick fix, so I am acknowledging that I might just need to create some margin, some breathing space, time to sit and feel and think and reflect and pray. Those things, I’ve found, take white space. I don’t have much success scheduling in “between 9:00 and 10:00 AM I will process emotions and at 10:15 I’ll head to the chiropractor.” Nope.
So I’m going to give myself that gift. I’m going to work through these highly charged emotions, breathe in the quiet, pour into being with my kids, connect with David, take Finley on longer walks, read some books, listen to some podcasts, and focus on little else but being present in my own life.
I want to spend some time sorting out who I am at this phase of life, what my values are, and what I want. Sounds like a midlife crisis, doesn’t it? I keep laughing and saying maybe it is whenever I share it with a friend, and while I’m not ready to go buy a convertible and take off into the sunset, I am craving a slow down and search for greater internal peace and direction.
I’m going to take some space right now from the pressure I put on myself to show up online. I don’t even know what this will fully look like, but I want to evaluate what in life brings me joy, meaning, creative fulfillment, and connection, and what things I’m doing because I’ve simply become accustomed to doing so.
Maybe it means I’ll be blogging my daily thoughts and maybe it means I’ll go full on ghost mode for the next month or so; I’m not sure. I have no doubt that I’ll be back, this space is a part of me, but I need to figure sort some things out. Thanks for being here; I appreciate each and every one of you so much! <3
Brynn Guster says
I feel the same way at the moment and have been struggling to ground myself. Time is flying by…I’d love to hear your thoughts on this or even from others. I often feel like I’m the only one sad to watch them grow, that I miss the days of them being little and feel it went in a blink.
Kathy says
I enjoy your blog so much…so I will be here ready to read whenever you post. 🙂 Take the time you need for you. Times flies and sometimes I think in today’s world we get so overloaded with information via social media we do need to step back from time to time. Cheers!!
Cait says
This resonates deeply with me. My kids are almost 6 and 8 and I feel like time is flying by. I was an exhausted mess through the baby and toddler stage, so it’s not even that I’m missing that – more just that I’m realizing how quickly it all changes and that even subtle changes add up fast. I feel like we’ve hit our stride as a family in this season lately and I have so many feelings about where we are, where we’re going and what to make of it all. Your post is a good reminder to tend to those feelings. I’d love to hear your thoughts as you’ve taken some space to explore. I’ve been reading your blog for what feels like forever, and posts like these hit home for me.
Kelli H says
slowing down is so important! Sometimes I like to sit on the porch swing sipping my coffee and watch the kids play. I am completely disconnected and in the moment and sometimes it feels so weird. Like how is this my life? How am I so lucky? Being unplugged can feel so good and gives you time to really think. Take all the time you need and we’ll be here checking in whenever you’re ready.
Monica says
I feel like I could’ve written this exact post! The whole month of May, I kept thinking to myself “am I depressed?!?” I look at those little kids and want to run and give them a hug (I don’t, that might be awkward/scary!). I love your blog and all the thoughts, feelings, emotions that go in to it! I love all the travel and look up to you and your family a lot! I just want to hold on to everything, capture everything, write everything down. I don’t want to miss a thing! I’ll be 39 this summer, so I’m not sure if it’s the timing or seeing each child get a school year older?? Just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone and take the time you need, I’ll be here waiting 😉☺️
Caitlin says
I feel this deeply, Brittany! I always get a little weepy at the end of the school year and this year is no different. I look at my 5 and 8 year old daily and scream “How?!” out loud. I am so grateful and feel so lucky but my heart aches for these moments that are whipping by. You’re not alone in these feelings so take all the time you need to figure out what you want. And if you need a good sob watch the movie About Time, if you haven’t already.
Lauren says
Oh my goodness yes. My youngest just turned four and I’m having such a hard time with it. My oldest also just turned 10 and I think How?! How am I the mom with the older kids? I see the moms with the young babies and kids and many family members and friends are having babies and I just can’t believe I’m the older mom now 😫 I don’t understand. It’s been a struggle. I too turn 40 this year (again, how?!) which probably isn’t helping matters. I’m so grateful for my kids and love being with them but boy does time fly. I also love your blog and have been reading for I don’t know around a decade – so I hope you’ll continue but take your time!
Gcroft says
It is possibly a midlife something but not necessarily a crisis. It’s a time to take stock of how far you have come and that you have achieved, and to acknowledge that you are not quite the same person as you were. Ahead of you lies new adventures and what mattered before may not matter as much ( or vice versa). I am almost 7 years ahead of you and the 40s is my toughest decade yet. But also one where I am more confident and at ease with myself. Take it easy xx
Dawn Jackson says
I understand these feelings. I will miss you if you aren’t on as much, but I think everyone will understand. It’s good to pause , take a step back, think of what brings you joy.
I wanted to thank you for all you share. I have loved your recipes and all your clear instructions / sharing.
You’re the best.
Lauren says
I started reading your blog when I was pregnant with my 1st and I’m now a 38 year old homeschooling mom to 4 girls! I understand *exactly* how you feel. I just finished reading “The Suburban Christian” and have felt so convicted to just slow down, enjoy the quiet mornings of reading and school, soak in these years, and quit driving from place to place on autopilot. I love that you are giving yourself the time and space to slow down and reflect and look forward to hearing more reflections.
Sarah says
Not sure if you ever go to therapy, but it has been a big help for me in having a regular appointment to process life events. I am much slower and less efficient in processing them when I am not in the habit of going. It was a game changer for me to realize I did not have to have a diagnosis to go to or benefit from therapy. Life presents enough struggles, hardships, changes, and joys to work through-I didn’t need to “earn” it or “qualify” for it with a label to deserve that extra sacred space to process it. I know your dad was a therapist so you probably know all about it! Just wanted to put in this personal plug for it based on what you said here.
Courtney Wilton says
I think the way you are feeling is a sign of how busy life is – my daughter is about to turn 4 and I turn 40 next year so I am right here with you, wanting to hold onto these moments forever and then feeling sad about how fast time is going. Your plan is a good one, sit with it, process it and see what aligns with your values. Thinking of you.
Daria says
I think you’ve captured this so beautifully. And I think these feelings are entirely normal! I am 42 and also feel like time is just flying by while my partner and I are in this hamster wheel- together. We decided to slow down and get off the wheel. Some days are still tough but we do not want to get away from pain- instead leaning into it and feeling because feeling it all is entirely human.
Daria says
How wonderful to read such a reflective post. I, too, feel the passage of time (42) and feel sad and tender with my feelings. I also find myself being sensitive on many levels. Not sure why but yes, I do feel I am getting older…I am looking forward to reading more of your journey 🙂 Thank you for being vulnerable.
Lisa says
I think we can all definitely relate to this, no matter what stage of life we’re in.
I currently have little ones, and even though sometimes the slog of little kid life can make me think ahead, I have to stop myself because time well and truly does go fast.
I could definitely do with slowing down as well, good luck and I can’t wait to hear how your time out and refocus goes.
Lisa
http://www.lovefromlisa.com