I got a text around 9 last night from my friend who doubles as my mom. (Sounds annoying, but she’s a godsend and has saved my butt many a time with reminders). “Cause I love ya– tomorrow is the presentation at school and the girls need a lunch.”
Rats.
She’s right again; I completely forgot.
I have my paper planner that I use daily, but somewhere along the way I forgot to mark this one down. I ran and grabbed Hailey’s lunchbox while I text another friend to cancel our workout plans. That’s another day without sweating. What am I at, almost a week now? Blah.
I stared at the fridge before deciding I’d just make her lunch in the morning (I’m not so excited about that now), as David was just arriving home from the airport. Again, I realized I was too beat to accomplish anything, but that I’d get up early to attack my to do list.
Kaitlyn was uncharacteristically up around 2am, so my 5am alarm was bypassed and I’m finally sitting at this screen now at 6am.
::Sips coffee::
Before we keep going let me assure you I’m not sharing this as a hardship, just a peek into life at the moment.
But it does have me thinking.
Yesterday afternoon I tried for an overlapping afternoon nap. Hailey was no problem; she was worn out from a beautiful morning of picking clovers. But Kaitlyn was doing just fine after her long morning nap. Still, I nursed her, rocked her, turned on the noise machine, slipped her into the crib and tiptoed out the door. She screamed.
I decided to give her 10 minutes and went and face-planted on the couch on the porch to soak up the 76 degree sunshine. As my body collapsed onto the couch, I had but one thought: I’m tired. Not tired in the sense that I needed a nap, but tired in the sense that I’m booked solid from (before) sun-up until sundown and I’m still behind on my list.
Still screaming.
I go and scoop her up and bring her down to the porch with me. She snuggles into me with her snotty face and for a few minutes we just sit and stare. It’s gorgeous out. I know I’ve noted the temperature almost daily on the blog (I’m exciting like that), but I’m not sure if I’ve yet taken a moment to just sit and see it.
Exhale.
I start to play that what if game that I’m sure I’m not the only one who fantasizes about. What if I just quit everything? What if I just didn’t open my inbox. What if I just unplugged my computer and let my phone run out of battery. What if we just surrendered ourselves to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches from here on out. What if I just let the Koda’s paw prints cover the floors. What if I just closed the garage and kept it that way. What if…
Wiggle squirm. Kaitlyn wants down and starts over toward the doggy door. A moment later her body is half in the porch and half out, so I jump up to snag her and she just laughs.
I realize I can’t just quit life because it won’t stop for me. (Oh the drama…) Other, perhaps less-fulfilling, demands would fill it up. And it’s not that I don’t love the responsibilities I have now, because I really do and I am grateful for them.
But maybe I need to do a little better with time management. Maybe ‘me time’ needs to be something different than sitting down at my computer to check things off while eating lunch. It’s difficult for me because productivity makes me feel good, accomplished. However focusing on being productive all the time is getting to be too much. I pride myself on the ability to multitask, but am I really doing myself any favors?
I need to breathe and take a few minutes to comb over my priorities. I need to embrace the reality that I can do anything, but I can’t do everything.
It’s tough finding balance, but I’m learning. Learning to be kind to myself. Reminding myself that no one has it all figured out. We’re all juggling balls and wearing different hats. I remind myself that balance isn’t found daily, but as a net result over time.
So today, I will try again. I am going to list out my priorities in order, then try to live the day in accordance. I will try to savor these sweet and busy days, get done what I can, and go to bed at peace with the day as it was. Here goes nothing…
Do you feel that you have a good balance in life?
What helps you balance your must-do list with your want-to-do list?
Karen says
As a mother with many more years under her belt than you and to this day I still care for three children as my profession, let me give you a little insight.
Your girls are precious and at an age you can never get back. All those paw prints on the floor, the dishes stacking up, inbox that is over flowing and laundry that needs folding will all be there years from now. All that will never stop. Savor this time with your girls and don’t sweat the small stuff. You can do all that when they go off to college:)
All your friends and family that truly care and love you will understand. This is your time to just be a mom and enjoy it. It’s ok to put the phone down and not respond in a timely manner. You are a mom!
Brittany Dixon says
Karen, I hope you know how much I always appreciate your comments. You always have wise and encouraging things to say. Thank you!!
Lindsey @ Simply Lindsey says
I totally feel you!! My husband and I don’t have kids yet, but between work and everything else I have a hard time finding balance. Some days I feel like all I do is work and not-so-fun-adult-things (like pay bills, file taxes, cook, clean house). The key for me has been to muscle through the chores/mandatory to-dos and then use fun things as a reward (trip to a coffee shop, special treat, etc.). I will say that there are some days/weeks that the lower priority things for me (my blog, working out) fall off the radar and I’ve just learned to be okay with it! I hope you find a balance that works for you and your family! 🙂
Stacey says
SO nice to hear I’m not alone. I have two toddlers and work full time and constantly feel like I can’t find balance. Thanks for this post:)
Brittany Dixon says
You certainly aren’t alone, but you sure impress me- two toddlers and a full time job is no joke, I’m sure. Way to go mama!
John J. says
Really liked your stream of consciousness blog. You continue to “examine” your life – priorities and time management included. My calendar tells me a lot about how I am, or not, living my priorities. Number one is taking care of me, without being selfish or narcissistic. If I don’t have my “stuff” together I am not capable of bringing my best to those that deserve my best. You’re doing a terrific job Brittany and I, for one, am awesomely proud of you!
Kelly says
Thanks for this post. I love how you keep it real. I , myself struggle with balance as well. With working and having two kids in tow it all can be a little much at times. I struggled a lot after my 2nd baby (he’s 11 months old- can I still call him a baby and use him as an excuse? ;). After a long struggle, I realized that I gave up wayyy too much of myself. I wanted to don’t all. I didn’t want to send my toddler to my parents for a break. I thought that meant I was weak. Looking back, that was my biggest mistake. So I started to pencil my needs in first as selfish as that may sound. For even just 30 minutes a day I needed to find the “old” me who wasn’t a mom or else I knew I would crumble. It’s still a work in progress. But as everyone says- it takes a village!
Has any one recommended the book “Om for the Mom” to you? If you haven’t read it- it’s awesome. I have never read a more inspirational book on finding balance in this crazy life. Honestly- buy a copy today. You will love it!
Christina says
So well put, Kelly!!! In retrospect, I realize that I gave up too much of myself when I became a mom. I felt horribly guilty asking for help from friends or family, and as a result, I found being a new mom very lonely and isolating. I didn’t want to look into hiring a babysitter because I wasn’t “supposed” to want a break from my child…I spent my entire maternity leave trying to do it all myself, and now I wish I spent more time enjoying that precious time with my daughter and not with my washing machine! (haha) Nowadays, the babysitter is on my speed dial and I make exercising one of my top priorities, and everyone is a lot happier.
Brittany Dixon says
Thank you Christina and Kelly- you are so right. I’ve sacrificed my time for the sake of the kids before and it ends up being a lose-lose. I am looking forward to having some time to work out, explore my own interests too. I love hearing other moms speak out about this because hopefully we can all stop putting so much unnecessary pressure on ourselves <3
Dorothy says
Great post! I’ve been working on trying to step back and reexamine lately, too. I try to focus on spending quality time (no TV in the background or phone checking) with my son at every chance possible, but that means the ‘other stuff’ piles up. Sometimes, though, feeling behind in other areas reminds me that I’ve done a good job focusing on my boy.
Good luck with finding balance!
Marjorie @APinchOfHealthy says
I am feeling you! I am constantly dropping balls…it’s a problem. We deal with a lot. I have started using Things App as a task manager. It is helping. It is not fancy, but it helps me document and prioritize my tasks. Yes, sometimes I don’t get to everything…but it’s not usually because I forgot. Hugs! I know exactly how you feel.
Brynn says
i swear you read my mind. Balance is great to strive towards, but some days it’s about survival. Setting my priorities, writing in to do helps but life happens. What helped me the most was documenting my day hour by hour. I realized all of the time I wasted doing silly things.
Giselle says
I often wonder if as a mom I’ll ever have a “good” balance on my life. It used to stress me out when I would forget something like a birthday, or mailing a thank you card but I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I’m not perfect. Especially now that I have a son, a part time job, blog, a husband, and a home to take care of. I think that my healthy balance includes forgetting things from time to time. Canceling plans because I’m too tired to go anywhere. Having smoothies for dinner because It’s been a long day and I forgot to defrost the meat for dinner. Or just sitting on the couch watching Paw Patrols with my son while blogging because I’m trying to catch up. Honestly, right now I’m okay with that 🙂 Maybe someday I’ll strive for a more perfect balance but for not, it works!
Brittany Dixon says
Oh my gosh yes, I always used to be so on top of birthday presents, thank you card, etc and now I find myself hoping no one sends presents for anything so I don’t have to fuss with thank you cards. How terrible is that? I just hate to be seen as rude or ungrateful, but trying to keep up with all of the etiquette can be so tough.
Kelli D. says
I hear you both hear. Between my husband’s divorced and remarried parents, my parents, our siblings, and two babies, we had a birthday, holiday, mothers/fathers day every single month. It was impossible to keep up with cards and gifts so we finally said we love you but we are done sending cards and presents and asked that they don’t send us anything for our birthdays. I feel a little guilty not spending time looking for the perfect present for my sister in law bc I truly love doing it but I love that it is not something else on my to do list to stress over.
And thank you cards… never did send a few out after I went back to work from second baby (opps!) and immediate family members don’t get them. They know we love and appreciate all they do for our kiddos and that we don’t have the extra time!
Thanks for the post Britt. I struggle constantly with trying to find balance. Looking forward to spring and summer when its naturally easy to feel productive and happy with all that sunshine, especially here in NC! 🙂
Heather says
Without a doubt I’ve been struggling with balance lately… in all aspects it seems, and have reached a point where instead of feeling motivated and charged, it just feels overwhelming. So, I’ve allowed myself to just slack a bit the past week while I figured out where my priorities are and slowly, I’m figuring out what is most important at this moment and what things I need to accomplish right now to then make other things easier to add back in. For me, that means doing a full house overhaul and then making an actual schedule to stick to (not always easy since toddlers don’t usually stick to a schedule) in the evenings. I’m making lists of everything that is important to me right now and figuring out how to fit it all in without feeling overwhelmed, which also means it’s time to cut some things out or to just be easier on myself and not feel pressured to “do it all.”
Katie says
I struggle to comment because I’m not married and don’t have 2 kids, but I will say… share how you’re feeling! This post is great, and I’m hoping you’ve shared this feeling with David, and depending on how often and how strong those “quit everything” feelings get, it may help to speak with some kind of counselor. I’ve spoken with different counselors in the past, not because I wanted to end my life, but like you, I thought about what quitting would be like, and the beautiful thing about a counselor is they aren’t related to you, and they don’t love you, so they just listen, and offer advice, and are a safe sounding board for any thoughts. Now you might not be all the way towards needing that kind of sounding board, but I just thought I’d throw it out there as a possible option. You never know what might be the thing that helps.
Nikki says
I think all of us mommas understand! I feel like I am going at 110% to keep my head above water – both at work and at home. Its tough, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world! Some day we’ll have spare time and look back and wish these years back! You are doing good – all we can do is our best!
Laura @FitMamaLove says
I find it hard to get in the work that needs to be done without any regular time to do it. Meaning work happens during nap time and after the kids are in bed. Isn’t that supposed to be my me time?? I prioritize by putting the things I get paid for first, so my own blog sometimes gets the short end of the stick.
Christine says
Every time you mention the temps I get super jealous! Living in Massachusetts, we’ve had about enough of this winter! My husband and I have actually been considering moving our family to North Carolina! People seem to be nicer, cost of living is more affordable, and the amazing weather! Seems like a win, win, win move! But how do you even start a move from one state to another? Gah! I’ve already sent my resume to an employer in Charolotte…curious to see if they even consider me! Fingers crossed we move some day!
Brittany Dixon says
I for one vote for GET ON DOWN TO NORTH CAROLINA! 😉 The weather is one of my favorite things about living here, though there are many. I highly recommend it. Maybe we’ll be neighbors someday- good luck!! 🙂
Christine says
I have a phone interview with an employer in Charlotte tomorrow morning! Fingers crossed that all goes well and they give me an offer I can’t refuse! Gah! Probably too good to be true but I’d rather try than to never have tried and all and always wonder…
p.s. I’m only a Mom of one and I have trouble finding balance sometimes so I give you kudos for being a mother of two! I think the key to finding balance is making a list, remembering you’re only human, and make sure that list includes making time for yourself…you don’t want to become a slave to your “to do” list.
Erin @ Her Heartland Soul says
I’m always working on balance! Sending good thoughts your way girly!
Josephine says
I can imagine you feel overwhelmed, you seem to accomplish so much! Baby led weaning book, tv segments, daily blog posts and all your Mummy duties. I think you deserve to slow down a bit and smell the flowers along the way. I find the best way to do this is lie on the floor and cuddle Arianna and remember to just chill and enjoy the fact that I am able to be at home with her. I don’t have be trying to do activities or games with her all the time and cleaning will still be there tomorrow and there is always tomorrow to eat vegetables, today I can give her a peanut butter sandwich. Laugh, smile, cuddle. I generally suffer from the opposite problem in that I am pretty good at letting things slide! Terrible housekeeper, I am very good at ignoring housework, cooking and exercising, looking after myself, wearing outfits, being productive instead of wasting my free time on the Internet, And then I feel down on myself that I don’t achieve enough! I’m always the under achiever where as I think you are a type A high achiever that deserves to schedule themselves a little less but not so much less that you feel unproductive! Work out how much you time you want to yourself and when and cancel your commitments that take away from that.
Elizabeth Evans says
No, I do not feel balanced and I don’t think I ever will. Maybe at the end of my life I’ll feel balanced.
Sherri @ Adventures of Love and Marriage says
I actually just did a post similar to this this morning! My husband’s job has him traveling during the week and on the weekends, he is finishing up his MBA. We have a 15-mo and I work a full time job so during the week (and weekends really) I am the only one balancing a full time job, being a mommy, taking care of our dog and house, fitting in a workout and dinners, and anything else that falls in between. I am exhausted 24-7 but I am also very Type A (which helps I guess) and I have a strict schedule from sun-up to sun-down. Ryan (our toddler) is so used to this schedule, it definitely helps. Everything that MUST get done that day is scheduled in during either nap times or when Ryan goes down that way I can still focus on him. Any “me” time comes after that. And, if it doesn’t get done that day, as frustrating as that is, I just try again the next day. I am doing the best that I can, just like you are, and that’s all that we can do.
http://adventuresofloveandmarriage.blogspot.com/2015/03/surviving-week-while-your-husband.html
Hannah @ CleanEatingVeggieGirl says
A post without pictures (haha!) and I love it! I have found that make a list of “priorities” is REALLY helpful. Then the most important/HAVE to’s get done and the others can wait until later if needed. It is a lot less stressful! I hope that works for you!
Jennifer says
I feel ya! While I only have 1 little one, I work full time outside the home, and definitely struggle to find balance. It is on my mind more lately as we are trying for baby #2, and I sometimes wonder how the heck I will manage it all. One thing I have realized is that it is not possible to truly multitask–if I want to do something well, I have to focus on just that task before moving on to the next thing. Of course I still try to do too much at once, and eventually it catches up to me–when I find myself forgetting silly things, I know it is time to take a step back and slow down.
I also find that setting reminders on my iPhone or Outlook calender works well–I get a little pop -up before the event occurs.
Maybe even scheduling in your workouts in your calendar will help, so you know it’s your time?
Lauren says
I think I have realized that balance is not always possible. Sometimes it is, but other times, life happens. We all could probably benefit from lowering our expectations. Easier said than done though:)
Katie bearden says
I also struggle with this.. But I’ve realized I have to lower my expectations for my mental sanity. I want to energy when my hubby gets home so I let the housework slide sometimes so I can snuggle with my boys. It’s hard cause I things that need to be done.
I was frustrated earlier this week being home, and thought maybe I need to go back to work. At least I as good at that! But that will just be more balls to juggle and I know it’s not the perfect answer.
You are doing great 🙂
Char says
I really like this and can identify with pieces of it! I’m trying to figure out my priorities and how to make myself more efficient, but I also know that I’m not doing it in a way that will make me functional and sane in the long run. Life is so funny. I think I’ll never quite ever have it figured out, but if I can just keep doing little things everyday, then I’m laughing 🙂
Lauren says
Another wonderfully honest post. Don’t have much advice to offer, just a virtual hug. Oh and I just read the book “Desperate: hope for thr mom who needs to breathe” and I cant recommend it enough. It’s such an easy, encouraging and relatable read. You’re an awesome momma and your family is blessed to have you. Make sure you give yourself grace 🙂
Brittany Dixon says
I will check it out- thank you Lauren!
Tiffany says
Love this post and I totally can relate. You NEED to read the book Essentialism: The Pursuit of Less. I’m telling you. Go.buy.it! It totally put things in perspective for me in terms of how I use my time. You cannot do it all, but you CAN figure out what is most important and say no to the rest. While the examples are not about having little ones at home, I think it’s totally applicable to that too. You’re managing a blog, taking care of your girls, your family, your home, etc. Ever since I read the book, I’ve been very conscious with how I use my time and I feel so much better about juggling it all.
Brittany Dixon says
I love the sound of this book so thank you for the suggestion! Writing it down now 🙂
Colette says
such a great post, I love that you said – you may not find balance everyday but it is a net result over time. That really is the truth. We have an 18 month old and I also work full time and I constantly feel like I an neglecting one area over another. But some days are crap, and others are like magic and totally seamless. Those are the days to hold the on to! I am also trying to get better about not caring about the stupid stuff like dog hair on the floors and a dish or five in the sink:)
Christina says
Hi Brittany, I really do enjoy reading your down to earth posts. I love that you talk from the heart and each and every one of us nods our heads and can totally relate to you. I’m actually a health coach who works with moms specifically on finding balance in their lives. What I have noticed over the years with my clients is that each one of us is different and there is no one size fits all to “find balance in your life” Here is one my tips that I tell my clients: First, stop being so generous with your time and start telling others NO. I know this may sound harsh but us moms, and women in general are so generous with our time that it ends up hurting us in the long run as we burn out from running to one play date to cooking another meal for a mom, when we really don’t have all that spare time. Don’t get me wrong I love cooking and helping out other friends, but if it’s going to cause me stress than I have to do what is best not only for me, but for my family too. Plus the aftermath is pure exhaustion. Unfortunately at this point we usually get into this vicious cycle since are bodies are starving for energy. Our bodies natural ability is to restore energy levels so you can function properly, at this point what happens is that your cravings will turn to eating a whole box of girl scout cookies for the quick sugar (energy levels spike) you feel awesome again. Then an hour later your blood sugars crash and so do you. OMG that was long, but I hope that when someone asks for you to do something that you know could add more stress to your day, that you will say no and maybe reschedule for a different date. Thanks Brittany and good luck on your everyday journey of motherhood.
Kate @ Indulgent Wellness says
I went to a mom’s conference last weekend and one of the speakers proposed the idea of choosing 1 major and 1 minor commitment and that is IT other than home responsibilities (parenting, wife, self care, etc. etc.) A major commitment would be something that you have to prepare for whereas a minor responsibility is something you just show up for. This concept REALLY resonated with me because I have too many “majors” in my life. The speaker said that work (part or full-time) classifies as your “major”. In a way the information/concept is freeing because I’m always making myself feel guilty for not volunteering for more things. On the other hand, it is a bummer to feel like making the choice to work part-time means I probably don’t have the time I think I do to volunteer for other things…clearly it just leads to stress because I have had the same thoughts as you in this post!!
Carolyn says
Brittany, I loved your post and I felt every emotion that you went through. Been there done that!! I too face burnout (do you know parental burnout is a thing? yes really!!!) and while us mums are always trying to remind ourselves to be grateful, we also need to remind ourselves to just take a breather from time to time.. or… not be able to get up after face planting on the couch. I hope you’re having a better day xx
Anna says
This reminds me so much of when I used to waitress on a lake during the summer. I remember going to the bathroom even though I was completely drowning with customers and thinking, “what if I just don’t come out of this stall?”
People rely on us. Feeling like this means we have a purposeful life and are doing good things.
Wonderful post.
Kelley says
I read this with a smile and tears in my eyes. I really needed this! Thank you!!