I’m a gal that can appreciate some self-deprecation. I can usually tell when I’m being ridiculous and don’t mind poking fun at myself. However, I’ve noticed a habit of mine that I’m not fond of lately and it always starts with the word ‘just.’
My focus on this bad habit of mine came about as I was thinking what to write about today. Honestly, I had nothing to say because this week we’ve been at home and JUST focusing on Kaitlyn’s sleep habits. I haven’t made it to the gym. I’ve barely done a thing in the kitchen. I was able to go on JUST one run. This week, I was JUST being mom.
That dang word JUST belittles the effort we put into things. Sure I didn’t cure cancer this week, but I spent hours reading about baby sleep, contemplating the best game plan for our schedules, going on made up scavenger hunts with Hailey, rolling on the floor with Kaitlyn, keeping everyone’s bellies full, and making sure my girls were (mostly) happy, stimulated and sleeping pretty well too. And even with all of that, I still cleaned up the house, worked through some laundry, got in a run, knocked out 2 short workout videos, blogged with you fine people and cleaned out my inbox.
BOOM.
…note ‘brushing hair’ or ‘putting on clothes that don’t resemble UMBROS’ were not on that list… hey, you can’t do it all.
But seriously, think about it. You never hear a person say, Oh I’m JUST the VP in charge of operations at this little XYZ company. That’s a legit title and chances are, so is what you are doing to fill your time.
Is it a woman thing?
Why do we minimize our successes, whether they be physical feats, mental hurdles or professional accomplishments?
Sure, my greatest accomplishment this week wasn’t newsworthy, but Kaitlyn did sleep from 7:20 pm to 6:15 am and to me right now that is shout-from-the-roof-top exciting.
Do you find yourself using that word JUST when describing your efforts or accomplishments?
Why do you think you do?
Or am I alone in this?
Sherry says
I could not believe it when I read your post today. Over the last 1-2 months I have noticed how much I say “just”. Actually I noticed it more in the emails I wrote, and have made a conscious effort to delete it from my vocabulary–just saying:)
Sarah@creatingbettertomorrow says
Oh I have totally had a case of the ‘justs’ since having our twins – I feel like all I do is feed them, change them, feed myself, and well that’s JUST about it…but as my husband reminds me that is JUST A LOT as we are challenged by God to raise these boys…I need to snap out of I just did anything – just being mom is a huge accomplishment each day
Brittany Dixon says
I know from the inside a day of diapers and nursing can not feel like much, but I think caring for a human (OR TWO beautiful little ones in your case) is one of the most meaningful things a person could fill their day with <3 Keep up the good work mama!
Christy says
Good job this week! Happy to hear that Kaitlyn is sleeping better…it makes all the difference! As for that silly little word ‘just’, banish it! You do SO much. All of us moms do. Once I tried to make a list documenting all the things I do in one day with two kids under 2. I thought it would be fun to look back on someday. I made it until 9am and gave up. There was too much; cooking, sweeping, feeding, driving, swinging, scheduling, ordering, wiping, etc!!!!!!! We live minute by minute with little ones. 🙂
John J. Stathas says
Just wondering why you wrote this? Oops, Just discovered why. Oops again, goodbye “just”!
Lauren says
Yes! I recently realized how often I qualify everything with “just” when describing what I do. Or, explaining to people that “well, right now I’m a stay-at-home mom, BUT I have xyz degrees and will probably be looking to go back to work soon enough…” Seriously, why do we do this!? Being a mom is one of the most challenging and important jobs! I have been making a conscious effort to stop minimizing the importance of what I do, and I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one thinking about this stuff lately.
Brittany Dixon says
Oh I totally am guilty of the ‘I used to XYZ’ especially when someone asks what I do and then responds with ‘oh’ when I say I’m a SAHM. It’s frustrating feeling like you have to explain or defend your choice!
Karen says
For me “JUST” making it to Friday some weeks is a miracle. I often think us mom’s are too hard on ourselves, but we do it over and over again don’t we!
I think that is “JUST” part of being a mom, after all we do have the hardest job ever…but also the most rewarding:)
Marjorie says
I catch myself doing it too, and I have noticed when I do…it has to do with a mom task. I think it means (for me, at least) that I have some doubt in my mind that somehow I should be able to do more than I actually do. We put an immense amount of pressure on ourselves as moms.
We sometimes compare ourselves to other moms. But when we do, it is never a fair comparison. We compare somebody’s best day to our worst. We compare somebody’s outward appearance to our actual unedited reality. From outward appearances of others, it can seem like so many other moms do more or do better than we are able to do. Your perception of their reality is not accurate.
Nobody’s perfect, and I think it is great to reflect on your actual accomplishments. Be proud! And realize that nobody really has it all together.
Double high-five on K sleeping through the night! A full night’s sleep can be life-changing! 🙂
Brynn says
So, so true! I do this a lot now that I work from home, but not when I was a VP at a Fortune 500 company. I know I’m doing the same (if not harder) work, but I belittle myself now that I’m on my own. Great post.
Amy says
You “just” make my day a little brighter every single time you post! I love reading the stories you share about your adventures with your darling family! Your optimism is contagious! Love this post. 🙂
Brittany Dixon says
Thanks for your comment Amy!! It made me smile 🙂
Christina says
YES! I totally found myself nodding my head along to everything you said (and all the comments, too!) Great post!
BTW, can you please do a post on braiding Hailey’s hair….? It looks so cute in that picture of the two of you going down the steps together. My daughter (2.5) has crazy long hair, and I really need to learn to do something other than pulling the sides up with a rubber band! 🙂
Brittany Dixon says
I must confess that the French braid pigtails (or ‘Princess Anna’ braids as H calls them ;)) were done by the kids hair salon after she got her hair cut (and then refused to take them out for 2 days). I’ve started French braiding her hair more often (in a ‘Elsa’ braid), but don’t know how to do much more than that! I have a lot to learn!
Tiff @ Love, Sweat, & Beers says
I hear ya, and I do the same thing. We’re just awesome. 😉 It’s something I should work on too. Side note though, way to go on the sleep. E sleeps 9-10 hours a night though he’s 10 months, so that’s fantastic!!
Najia says
Congratulations on a full nights sleep! That’s wonderful 🙂
When you’re comfortable, I would love to hear some of the things you did for K, in hopes of implementing them myself.
Brittany Dixon says
If we can keep it consistent for a week or so I’ll believe that the strategies really ‘worked’ – stay tuned! 🙂
Katie says
This post made me remember an email I received at work a couple years ago. Someone from a district office contacted me by mistake. She wrote back to correct it, saying “I didn’t realize you we’re just a teacher.” Throwing that little word in there was so offensive to me, and completely unnecessary!
Katie Harding says
Loved this post, really made me think, I am going to consciously make an effort to stop using JUST!
Kelli H (Made in Sonoma) says
I don’t like the word just. I don’t use it much to describe what I’ve been doing, but I notice in e-mails I write it a bit but then when I’m rereading the e-mail before I send it I always delete it. It’s not needed! 🙂
Jodi Stutts says
Well I ‘just’ wrote a lengthy (shocker) response to this post and hit post comment and the computer went to blank screen and said error (probably the corporations way of saying get to work…) Soooooo with that in mind, I try again in a more abbreviated fashion.
Amen, Sister. I hear ya.
Maria says
I read an article a few weeks ago regarding using the word just in your career too. I’m always worried about coming across as demanding through email, so I’ll start with “I’m just wondering…”. Lately, I’ve made a conscious effort to stop using the word and I love how my emails now sound a lot more confident and concise. Like I sound like I know what I’m doing 🙂
Don’t get me started on how self deprecating I’ve been regarding my job titles in the past – I’m working on that too.
Also, you are doing a fantastic job. You are giving these girls one of the most precious gifts any of us could receive – a loving, fun, memory-making childhood.
Lara says
There’s an amazing Amy Poelher video going around where she talks about how women always try to be everything/do everything. It’s hilarious and spot-on. We need to give ourselves more credit. You’re doing great!
LaToya says
Women do a lot of silly things – why? We are so scared to seem too confident, to be a bother, to rock the boat, etc.
Have you seen this commercial?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzL-vdQ3ObA
I saw it and for a weekend, I noticed how much my 3 year old apologizes. I made her stop. My husband looked at me like I was crazy when I said, “Zoe. No. Do not apologize.” It may have been a bit overkill but I’m trying to teach this girl lessons for life.
Brittany Dixon says
Ohhh I like this! Thank you for sharing! I know I do this a LOT.
Ashley @ My Food N Fitness Diaries says
Oh yes, there’s always that pressure to do more, more, MORE! I can totally relate to this. Our culture doesn’t help this… I think it’s important to just focus on doing YOU, doing the best you can, and be so proud of your efforts. Because every THING absolutely “counts” and is awesome!! Keep up the great work Mama!
Jessica says
Raising my hand. I do it a lot more than I want to. Sometimes I do it so as not to seem like I’m bragging or because I don’t want to make someone feel bad about themselves (which they probably won’t). So I’ll say, “Oh, I just stay at home with my boys and just have this little health and wellness business from home.” Like I’m embarrassed about what I do and how hard I work. Sigh. Thanks for bringing this to light…it’s definitely something I’ll be working on!
Danica @ It's Progression says
I absolutely LOVE this post, Brittany! I catch myself saying “just” sometimes and yes, it completely belittles something valuable that I do or who I am. I certainly think it’s more common for women to say it, too – we need work on our confidence!
Lauren Brennan says
You’re amazing. That is all.
Gcroft says
Hubby and I do it all the time, especially in restaurants. ‘Can I JUST get a salad/coffee/sandwich’, as if what we’re ordering is of low value/beneath us and everyone. Definitely time to make a change.
Fiona MacDonald says
I love this post so much! I find I do the ‘just’ comment all the time! I am ‘just a nurse’ is usually one of my biggest ones, and I always have to correct myself or BE corrected by others when they say ‘your not JUST a nurse’. I agree, it is a woman thing for sure because we are not used to being self-promoting or overly showy in our confidence BUT we NEED to be!! Great post!
Brittany @ Delights and Delectables says
Thank you… I needed to hear this today… and every day!
Jane T. says
I do this too, especially about teaching (I’m just part time… at 3 schools, so not really) and also find myself thinking that I haven’t been doing anything because I’ve been home not working in August! Then I think about what I did in a day… I don’t even have kids yet, but I am in charge of food and puppy most of the time, and it’s a lot! You shouldn’t say JUST, you’re a rockstar:)
Danielle says
YES! I am so bad with this. I use it before big questions to make them seem less important to me, before big accomplishments, etc. It’s such a bad habit. Thanks for sharing this post with us 😉